101 Ways to Have a Business and a Life

This Books is available in PDF format
http://www.accountingpdfbooks.com




Tips for creating balance, harmony and
fulfilment in your business life
ANDREW GRIFFITHS
HAVE A BUSINESS
and a life
101 ways to
PLUS20BONUS
TIPS
101
WAYS TO HAVE
A BUSINESS
AND A LIFE
ALSO BY ANDREW GRIFFITHS
101 Ways to Market Your Business
101 Ways to Advertise Your Business
101 Ways to Really Satisfy Your Customers
101 Ways to Boost Your Business
Secrets to Building a Winning Business
COMING SOON
101 Ways to Succeed at Network Marketing
101
WAYS TO HAVE
A BUSINESS
AND A LIFE
ANDREW GRIFFITHS
First published in 2007
Copyright © Andrew Griffiths 2007
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in
any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,
recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior
permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968
(the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of this book,
whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for
its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that
administers it) has given a remuneration notice to Copyright Agency Limited
(CAL) under the Act.
Allen & Unwin
83 Alexander Street
Crows Nest NSW 2065
Australia
Phone: (61 2) 8425 0100
Fax: (61 2) 9906 2218
Email: info@allenandunwin.com
Web: www.allenandunwin.com
National Library of Australia
Cataloguing-in-Publication entry:
Griffiths, Andrew, 1966- .
101 ways to have a business and a life.
Bibliography.
ISBN 978 1 74114 787 2.
1. Quality of work life. 2. Work – Psychological aspects.
3. Work and family. I. Title.
306.361
Set in 12/14 pt Adobe Garamond by Midland Typesetters, Australia
Printed in Australia by McPherson’s Printing Group
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Contents
Acknowledgments xi
Introduction xii
Section 1: How balanced is your life today? 1
Where are you at right now? 1
Section 2: Start the retraining process today 5
#1 Decide right here, right now, if you are ready to
change 7
#2 Take some time, alone, to reflect on where you
are today 8
#3 Understand the enemy—what things throw you
out of whack? 10
#4 What bad habits have you developed? 12
#5 Be clear about how you want your life to look
and feel 13
#6 Old habits die hard—it takes time to change 15
#7 Develop your plan of attack and put it where
you can see it 16
#8 Start every day on the right path 18
#9 Reward yourself for staying on track 19
#10 Visit your doctor, healer or naturopath 20
#11 What are the things you have always wanted
to do? 21
#12 Be prepared to invest in the process 23
v
Section 3: The words that come out of your mouth
are as important as those you hear 26
#13 What are the limiting beliefs that keep your life
out of control? 28
#14 Make a list of the negative words you use and
burn it 30
#15 What words describe your life now and in the
future? 32
#16 Avoid getting caught on Steamship Misery 34
#17 Gossiping, moaning and complaining—end it
today! 36
#18 Identify the people who cause you problems
and do something about them 38
#19 When you start to lose control—stop, breathe
and regain focus 40
#20 Compliment others, be positive to others, be
supportive of others 42
Section 4: The ‘F’ factor—bring it on 45
#21 Do you remember when you used to laugh a lot? 47
#22 Professionalism vs fun 49
#23 Surround yourself with the things that make
you warm inside 51
#24 The boomerang effect of being light-hearted 53
#25 Political correctness in the world of fun 54
#26 Creating ‘magnificent moments’ every single
day 56
#27 Remember to stop, think and laugh 58
#28 The myth of time-wasting (the six-minute
increment) 60
#29 Fun uses every sense—sight, sound, touch,
smell and taste 62
#30 As the boss, you are the business barometer 64
Section 5: Beware the energy drain 67
#31 Learn to let go 68
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
vi
#32 Master the art of saying no 71
#33 Separate work from home—relationship issues 73
#34 If you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas 75
#35 Managing money issues 77
#36 Don’t be afraid to sack some customers 79
#37 The torture of perfection 81
#38 Do the work you love—give the rest to others 83
#39 The more you give the more you get back 85
#40 Take off the medals—it shouldn’t be that hard 86
Section 6: It’s all about people and relationships 89
#41 The power of expectations and how to manage
them 91
#42 Do a relationship audit 93
#43 Understand that relationships have cycles
and sometimes have to end 95
#44 The art of empathy 97
#45 Resolve issues quickly before they get out of
hand 99
#46 Get out of your comfort zone—mix in new
circles 101
#47 Building relationships takes time and energy 103
#48 Commit to becoming a communication guru 105
#49 Realise that other people may not share your
enthusiasm towards your business 107
#50 Use counselling to resolve any relationship
issue, not just issues between loved ones 109
Section 7: Nurture the mind, the body and the soul 112
#51 Do you take your body for granted? 114
#52 Baby steps to get started 116
#53 Enlist outside help—why not use a
personal trainer? 118
#54 Make movement a part of your life 120
#55 Increase airflow—in your body, in your
workplace and in your life 122
CONTENTS
vii
#56 Guilt-free pampering 124
#57 Respect yourself enough to take the time to
look your best 126
#58 Yoga—feeling like a pretzel is not as bad as it
sounds 128
#59 Invest in good slumber 130
#60 Develop your own style of meditation 132
Section 8: Use the right fuel to create calm 135
#61 Keep a diary of what you eat and when 137
#62 Alcohol, coffee, nicotine, sugar . . . what’s
your drug of choice? 139
#63 What exactly does eating well mean? 141
#64 Learn to enjoy food again 143
#65 Get your day off to a healthy start 145
#66 Water water everywhere 147
#67 Eating out doesn’t need to be unhealthy 149
#68 Encourage healthy eating in your workplace 151
#69 When it comes to food, always be prepared 154
#70 The 80 per cent rule—let your hair down
from time to time 156
Section 9: Invite balance into your workplace 159
#71 Get rid of unfinished business 160
#72 Make the hard decisions—stop procrastinating 162
#73 Encourage change and reward everyone who
embraces it 164
#74 Some things can never be measured in dollars
and cents 166
#75 Reschedule your day to suit you and the way
you like to work 168
#76 Schedule time for interaction/relaxation and
just thinking 170
#77 Outsource/delegate the jobs you really don’t
like doing (and probably do poorly anyway) 172
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
viii
Section 10: Balancing the business and the family 175
#78 What is your family plan and how does it
work with your business? 176
#79 Change your business to suit your family 179
#80 Does your business suit your family? 181
#81 Remember the oxygen mask 183
#82 Applying lessons from family life to your
business 184
#83 Family fun and fitness 186
#84 Save some energy for the good times 188
#85 Clearly define the boundaries between the
family and the business 190
#86 Give your kids some great memories 192
Section 11: Balancing tips specifically for men 195
#87 Do our successes or failures define us as men? 196
#88 Men die younger than women—why? 197
#89 The myth of expectation—most of the time
we are wrong 199
#90 The need to be physical to maintain balance 201
#91 Male bonding—make sure it’s supporting you,
not holding you back 203
#92 Never lose sight of what your partner brings
to the relationship 205
#93 Admitting we are out of control means we are
weak—wrong 206
#94 Treat your body as your most important
business asset 208
Section 12: Balancing tips specifically for women 210
#95 Accept you are human and there are limits
to what you can or should do 211
#96 Put yourself first every once in a while 213
#97 Don’t compare yourself to others 215
#98 Allocate time with the girls 217
CONTENTS
ix
#99 Remember to live in the moment 218
#100 Stop worrying 219
#101 Do things to stimulate you as a woman 221
20 bonus tips that will help right now 223
Where to from here? 231
Appendix: Blank forms to help you regain balance 232
Recommended reading and websites 242
About the author 244
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
x
Acknowledgments
As my life keeps getting busier by the day, I realise there has
never been a better time for a book like this. In fact, I recently
made the comment at a keynote presentation that I couldn’t
wait to finish writing 101 Ways to Have a Business and a Life—
because I really need to read it.
I could write a book to thank all of the people who have
continually supported my writing and business career, but
instead I hope I tell you often how much I appreciate everything
you do. To Allen & Unwin, you are truly exceptional
people and publishers. Thank you Ian, Carolyn, Andrew and
Clara.
But as this book is about my journey towards and experiences
with finding balance I have to thank a few people who
have played a major role in keeping me on the planet a lot
longer. First, Jenny Hayes and Louise Nelson, owners of
Emerge for Life Health Centre in Cairns, who got me started
on the journey that changed my life. Then there are my two
amazing personal trainers, Sammy Slade and Kelly Sinclair,
who have helped me lose a lot of weight, climb mountains and
lift heavy things over a number of years—in spite of countless
excuses from me, all of which were completely ignored.
Last, but not least, to Dr Debra Ruth Lawson, thank you
for reminding me to love what I do.
xi
Introduction
Why write a book about having a business and
having a life?
The inspiration to write a book to help business owners find
some balance in their overcrowded lives came to me from two
equally significant sources. I am sure that since you are reading
this book and clearly looking for a few answers, what you find
here will ring true for you in some shape or form. Rest assured,
you are definitely not alone.
The first source of inspiration is the sheer number of business
owners I meet who feel that finding some kind of balance
is the biggest challenge they face. I have done training seminars,
sat on panels, been interviewed and conducted keynote
speaking events on the topic. However, it never ceases to amaze
me when I look at an audience and see the almost desperate
look crossing hundreds of faces when the possibility of having
a life and a business is tantalisingly introduced.
There was a time when just running the business was challenge
enough. Today that is only a part of the problem, for
trying to have a life as well as a business is increasingly a much
bigger issue. Without doubt, when I ask business owners if
they could have one thing, right here, right now, the answer is
almost always the same: ‘I wish I had a life.’ How crazy is this?
xii
So now you know—if you feel like this you are not alone,
and that in itself is important. In this manic, intense world
of ours, where there are a dozen ways to communicate with
everyone else and expectations are higher than ever before, it’s
easy to see how we can lose control of our lives and get sucked
into the vortex.
The second source of inspiration was the difficulty I had
myself faced in doing the same juggle and dance. While I
have for a long time now battled with finding any kind of
balance in my life, I arrived at a real low point about five
years ago.
I had never been busier, had as many obligations and
commitments, or fought harder to keep some kind of sanity in
the craziness that was my daily life. I was running a marketing
company with lots of clients, writing books, sitting on company
boards, working for charities, mentoring other business
owners and generally making sure every minute of every day
was full.
I had workaholic tendencies (OK, I was a workaholic!) that
saw me starting at the office around five in the morning and
working through till eight or nine at night, seven days a week.
I lived like this for so long I forgot any other way of life.
Looking back, it was ludicrous and sad. At the time I paid a
heavy price, physically, emotionally and spiritually, but I hid
behind the long-suffering business owner’s belief that running
a business was supposed to be all-consuming and that really,
you didn’t get to have a life because small business owners
don’t. I wore these beliefs as a badge of honour. Other business
owners would sympathise with me over just how tough it was
to run your own business and how, if you weren’t putting in
at least 80 hours a week, you really weren’t serious about
the whole thing. And I believed and helped to spread this
propaganda.
In my most out-of-balance stage, my weight ballooned and
I put on over 50 kilograms. I never exercised, I ate poorly, my
INTRODUCTION
xiii
marriage broke down and my friends stopped calling because
I was always too busy to talk to them. The turning point came
when my sister died suddenly from a heart attack at the age of
35 (I was 33 at the time). This shocked me into realising that
the life I was leading was going to kill me. My doctor, my wife,
my friends and even my clients were all telling me the same
thing. Old habits die hard, however, and even though I realised
that my life had to change I didn’t really know how to change
it. But the shift had started.
Today my life is busier than ever. I have come to terms with
what balance means to me (and it is a little different for each
of us) and I know that it is something every business owner can
achieve. I don’t want to be a Zen Buddhist monk—I like a
certain degree of stress and I do my best work when I am under
pressure. I like the buzz of having a lot of projects on the go at
once and doing exciting and stimulating work, but I realised
that the one thing I really wanted to lose was the manic nature
of my daily life. Now I understand that there is much more
to life than work and how sensational it really is to be able to
enjoy every aspect of my life equally.
I don’t think there is any one simple piece of advice that
will bring the balance and harmony back. Many small changes
are required; basically it means reprogramming and refocusing
to undo the bad habits that have been created often over
many years.
Today I am healthier, happier, more successful and definitely
achieving far greater results in every aspect of my life.
The day-to-day craziness has gone (most of the time), and
I have a deep sense of calm and understanding that makes
getting out of bed every day a delight. I get to face each day
with a sense of anticipation and excitement that I had forgotten.
And I like the way this feels.
So, my motivation in writing this book is to share some of
the lessons I learned the hard way in the hope that you too can
improve the quality of your life and your business. I believe
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
xiv
that it is possible to have both and, if you can balance them
and find your own sense of harmony, the end result is magnificently
rewarding for you and for everyone you come into
contact with.
But do I have all the answers?
When I was writing this book I knew that my experiences
would be relevant to many business owners; however, I felt
that I needed to draw on more experiences than my own.
I discussed the concept of business–life balance with a host
of business owners from around the world. I spoke to
mothers in business, husband and wife teams, young entrepreneurs
and veterans in the small business world. I have
drawn on their experiences, challenges and advice in writing
this book.
Based on this I address a wide range of topics, most of
which are targeted at people who have probably already lost
their sense of balance and are feeling totally overwhelmed—
those of you whose businesses have taken over and who are
searching for answers to get your lives back. This book
includes everything from how we get out of balance in the
first place to ways of retraining ourselves and those around
us, the importance of what we eat and how we treat our
bodies, and lots more.
If you are just getting into business and want to prevent
yourself from getting out of balance, good on you for having
the initiative to think ahead, because there is no doubt that
this is a challenge you will face at some time. The very nature
of small business makes it all-encompassing, wonderful,
demanding, hard and rewarding. Being able to maintain a
sense of balance and wellbeing while having your own
business is a skill that will dramatically increase your chances
of success.
INTRODUCTION
xv
What exactly does balance mean for you?
This is an important point, and I refer to it often throughout
the book. Balance means something different for each and
every one of us, and to find out what it means to you is
the first step to achieving it. For some people it means
no stress at all, having everything in perfect order, living a
perfectly healthy life, feeling energised, calm and in control.
For others it is cutting back the workday from 18 hours
to 14 hours, the number of coffees from ten to five . . . You
get the picture.
This is not a book about spiritual enlightenment, but a
practical guide to help you find your own balance between
your business and other aspects of your life. As you work
through it you will form your own mental picture of how you
would ideally like your life to look and feel.
What will you get out of this book?
Some of the benefits you will get from this book are tangible,
others less so, but all are equally as powerful. These benefits
include:
• a clear understanding of what balance means to you today;
• identifying exactly how out of balance your life currently
is;
• gaining a very specific mental picture of how you would
like your life to be; and
• simple step-by-step tips that will help you to make the
changes that are necessary to embrace balance in your
life.
The main reason nearly all of us struggle with business–
life balance is that the changes which upset that balance occur
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
xvi
slowly over time. They creep up on us, and all of a sudden we
wake up and realise that we are out of control and we don’t
know what to do about it. That’s exactly where this book steps
in to help.
How do we know if our lives are out of balance?
This is a great question and one that we would all answer a
little differently. Among the business owners I encounter, the
most common response is an overwhelming feeling that they
are no longer in control of their life or their business. They are
being pulled in a hundred different directions, to the point
where they just don’t know how to break the cycle.
This feeling of being overwhelmed is probably the best
indicator we have of being out of balance. We can feel
overwhelmed by negative thoughts, negative people, circumstances
and the long list of responsibilities we feel we
should be meeting. Frustration, stress and often conflict
outweigh the emotions of joy, peace, happiness and fulfilment.
We have got so caught up in hectic daily activities,
running on automatic, that at some point we have begun to
question what it is all for. What am I doing with my life?
What about me?
Being out of balance is a largely modern-day ailment that,
if left undiagnosed and untreated, manifests as some of the
more common health issues that seem to be occurring in
plague proportions today.
The next section, How balanced is your life today?,
contains a short questionnaire that will help you to work out
where you are on the scale ranging from perfect harmony to
completely out of control. It’s a really great start to clarify
exactly where you are at this time in your business life. If you
repeat this questionnaire after following the tips in this book
you should be sliding back down to perfect harmony in no
time (well, that’s the aim, anyway).
INTRODUCTION
xvii
The top ten reasons for losing the battle of balance
The following list identifies the ten most common reasons
for getting out of balance. While there are many more, these
are the biggest culprits:
1. Overwork—simply putting in too many hours and being
a slave to the business.
2. Financial problems—struggling to make ends meet in the
business and worrying about how you will pay your bills.
3. Overcommitment—agreeing to do too much for too
many people and not leaving enough time or energy for
yourself.
4. Poor stress management—not knowing how to manage
your own stress or not being able to admit that it is a
problem.
5. Relationship issues—with partners, family and friends,
co-workers and customers.
6. Poor lifestyle—eating badly, lack of exercise, and alcohol
and drug abuse.
7. Lack of direction—feeling trapped and isolated in the
business and uncertain about your future direction.
8. Lack of boundaries—being too accessible to too many
people.
9. No space to rejuvenate—no holidays, time out, hobbies or
distractions to remind you why you do what you do.
10. Having a negative environment or negative people around
you every day.
Why do we get it so wrong?
Ironically, we get out of balance by trying to do what we
think is right. We work hard, we commit completely to our
businesses, we argue that to succeed we need to be devoted
to growing the business, especially in the early stages, and,
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
xviii
most significantly, we are energised and excited about the
future.
Over time we get busier, our responsibilities grow and our
needs and expectations are overtaken by the needs and expectations
that others have of us. Then the feeling of being
overwhelmed starts to move in.
The better you are at what you do, the more likely you are
to start feeling overwhelmed—because more people want what
it is you are selling. As your business grows there are more staff,
more customers, more suppliers, bigger sums of money to
manage and generally more paperwork to contend with. So in
some ways, feeling out of balance with your business and your
life is a reflection of the fact that you are great at what you
do—take it as a compliment.
But before you get too carried away with patting yourself
on the back and being proud that your life is completely out of
control, remember that as your business has grown, you have
had to learn a host of new skills to deal with this growth.
Learning how to have a business and a life is just another set of
skills that need to be learned along the way.
There are two ways to deal with being out of balance. The
first is to change yourself and your perceptions. The second
is to change your circumstances. Most likely both will be
necessary. However you look at it, there must be a constant
and ongoing commitment to do what is best for you, and
the courage to create the necessary changes, so that you are
honouring yourself, the people in your life, and the planet.
What are the long-term effects of being out of
balance?
I can attest to the long-term effects of having a life out of
balance—and they aren’t pretty. The effects on health are the
most noticeable, generally starting with headaches, skin conditions
and an upset stomach, often accompanied by a general
INTRODUCTION
xix
feeling of being unwell. Some people have a permanent cold or
flu, get bags under their eyes or start to hear the comment,
‘Gee, you look tired’, a lot more often.
Along with the physical symptoms come the emotional
ones. We start to get more irritable, we don’t sleep as well as we
used to, perhaps we start to get anxiety and even panic attacks,
and we are irritable and generally highly strung. Under these
conditions we can find ourselves leaning on crutches in the form
of drugs and alcohol: after work we start to have three or four
drinks to wind down; maybe we have three or four cups of
coffee to get going in the morning. We eat chocolate to perk
us up, which we need often because we have no energy, but
which causes us to put on weight. Without making conscious
decisions to change, and without knowing how to change,
things will only get worse.
Of course, the longer you have bad habits, the harder they are
to change and the more damage they can do. Business owners
often tend to struggle the most with establishing a fitness and
health regime, simply because they don’t give themselves enough
time or energy to focus on it. Someone who has a regular job
generally has a start time and a knock-off time, and can more
easily build a fitness program into their life.
What do you need to do right now to change the way
things are?
Any change needs commitment. If you are desperate to make an
improvement to your situation then you probably have the right
amount of motivation. Without the right amount of motivation
any change will be minimal and in all likelihood it won’t last.
So right here, right now, you need to stop and think about
just how important it is that you introduce some real changes
to your life that will stop the feeling of being overwhelmed,
and help you to start to take control of both your business and
your life.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
xx
Think about how you want to feel, what it is that you want
to do with your time, how you want to look, how you want to
act and how you want to live your life. Once you are clear on
this, or at least willing to start really looking at each aspect of
your life, you can move on.
Remember that this is a journey—but it’s not an overnight
journey; it’s about changing virtually every aspect of your life
so that you can really get the most out of the years ahead. So
there may be some pain, other people may not like the changes
that you need to make, especially in the short term, and some
may even try to sabotage the process (people generally don’t
like change, especially in those closest to them). This is where
you need to be strong, dedicated and very clear on where it
is you are heading.
How to get the most out of this book
We all have our own favourite method of reading a book, especially
business growth books. Some people like to flick
through the pages, stopping at the tips that strike a chord.
Others like to start at the beginning and work their way from
front to back in one sitting. The 101 Ways series of books have
all been written in a simple format that will work for both
styles of reader. Open this book at any page and there will be
tips, action points and things to do right now. How you use
them is entirely up to your own needs at the time. My advice,
though, is that at different stages in your life you will get
different messages out of this book. Keep it handy, have an
open mind and read it often to remind yourself of what you
can do to find and, most importantly, keep balance and
harmony in your life.
There is room at the end of each section to write notes and
I encourage you to do this. Write whatever comes into your
mind at the time. Trying to action each of these tips immediately
is a hard ask. I recommend allocating time each week to
INTRODUCTION
xxi
making changes that will bring your life back into balance. It
will be really rewarding—trust me.
At the end of the book I have included a list of excellent
books that cover a host of related topics, as well as websites that
will help you to win the battle of balance.
So without further delay, let’s get started.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
xxii
How balanced is
your life today?
Where are you at right now?
How do you know if your life is out of balance? That is a tough
question for some people to answer. Life may be chaotic, but
that doesn’t necessarily mean that it is overwhelming—if you’re
like me, perhaps you like it that way. The following questionnaire
has been designed to give you a simple way of
determining where you are in the ‘out of control cycle’. Simply
put a tick next to the questions that you feel apply to you, then
tally up the ticks and see the results.
The aim here is to have no ticks at all. Clearly a big ask even
for the most serene and tranquil among us. Ideally, run
through this questionnaire on a regular basis to see if you are
regaining control of your life.
To make this exercise a little easier, I have included another
copy at the back of the book. Photocopy it so you can ask
yourself the same questions every couple of months to see if
your life is improving.
1
1
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
2
How balanced is your life?
Do you feel that you never have enough time to get
everything done?
Do you feel that your decision-making is always done
under pressure?
Are there times during your day when you feel
totally overwhelmed or out of control?
Do you think that stress is affecting your health?
Do you always feel low in energy?
Do you use drugs or alcohol to help you wind down?
Do you use caffeine and sugar to help you wind up?
Do you tend to eat foods that will give you a ‘quick fix’
rather than foods that are healthy and nutritious?
Are you working longer and longer hours?
Do you struggle to find the time to exercise?
Have you stopped spending quality time with family and
friends since starting or buying your own business?
Have you stopped doing the things you love (hobbies,
sport, etc.)?
Do you tend to get sick more often or do you always
feel off-colour/below par?
Have you lost your sense of satisfaction with your
business?
Do you tend to keep your thoughts and emotions to
yourself?
Do you lose sleep worrying about business issues?
Do you struggle financially?
Has your personality changed (for the worse) since
you’ve been in business?
Have you stopped enjoying life as much as you did
before?
Are you feeling uninspired?
Do you consider your time at home as being predominantly
to recharge and prepare for the next day?
How did you do?
21–31
OK, time to get serious and really look at your life. Balance is
not a word that even comes close to being in your life right at
this moment. If you don’t make some changes now you will
start to have major problems. Read this book and introduce the
tips into your daily life at a pace that works for you. Many of
the recommendations will bring instant results and you will
regain that sense of balance before long. Start to enjoy the way
this makes you feel and enjoy the benefits of regaining control
of your life.
11–20
This is the middle of the road and typically where most people
tend to hover. There are two ways to look at this: first, at
least you’re not as badly off as the first group; but second,
the warning signs are clearly there that you may be on the
way to a life of stress and all the issues associated with being
out of control.
HOW BALANCED IS YOUR LIFE TODAY?
3
Do you tend to feel negative more often than positive?
Are you more grumpy and irritable now?
Do you bring work home with you?
Is every day starting to look the same?
Do you have a lot of negative people in your life?
Are you feeling depressed?
Do you have a large number of unfinished tasks?
Has your overall fitness level dropped in recent years?
Have people stopped telling you that you look well?
Do you sometimes feel like crying?
Total
1–10
There aren’t too many business owners who wouldn’t say yes to
at least a few of these questions. This is the best place to be,
although it’s important not to let things slide any further. You
will be getting a few warning signs, probably a few symptoms
of stress starting to creep into your life. Take heed and use these
tips to nip them in the bud as quickly as you can.
0
You are a picture of pure tranquillity, you are Buddha personified.
Throw this book in the bin or, preferably, give it to a
friend who could really use it.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
4
Start the retraining
process today
Most situations we find ourselves in that aren’t to our liking generally
haven’t come about overnight. If we are really honest with
ourselves, we probably knew they were happening but chose to
live in denial until the situation got serious. We don’t develop love
handles over a weekend, but it’s not until our clothes don’t fit that
we decide to join the gym and get moving. We don’t generally max
out our credit cards in one day either (although it would be easy)—
they gradually climb, and we only take action when they are full,
even though we well and truly knew what was happening.
The same is true of losing control of our lives when we become
business owners. It starts innocently enough, then slowly but surely
the business takes over and we lose control. We know it’s happening
but we kind of ignore it because we don’t really know what to do.
And, of course, it’s only for a short while—everything will magically
change back at some undetermined time in the future. We hope.
This section looks at starting the change process, determining
your level of motivation and how you want your life to look and
feel. Quite a few of the tips here suggest taking some time to write
down your thoughts. Remember to take the time to do this as it is
particularly beneficial.
#1 Decide right here, right now, if you are ready to change
#2 Take some time, alone, to reflect on where you are today
5
2
#3 Understand the enemy—what things throw you out of
whack?
#4 What bad habits have you developed?
#5 Be clear about how you want your life to look and feel
#6 Old habits die hard—it takes time to change
#7 Develop your plan of attack and put it where you can see it
#8 Start every day on the right path
#9 Reward yourself for staying on track
#10 Visit your doctor, healer or naturopath
#11 What are the things you have always wanted to do?
#12 Be prepared to invest in the process
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
6
#1 Decide right here, right now, if you are ready to
change
The first tip is the most important in this book. If you are not
100 per cent ready to wrest control of your life back from your
business, you won’t achieve it. I attended an interesting motivational
seminar recently at which the host asked one man in
the crowd of 4000 people what was wrong with his life. The
hapless fellow rattled off a list of his woes, from no girlfriend
to no money, niggling health issues but nothing serious, and a
losing battle with his weight.
The well-known host, with a big grin, asked what was
stopping him from getting his life together. The poor man gave
a lengthy list of why he couldn’t change any of the things in his
life that he was unhappy with. They were all good reasons
and they sounded reasonable to me, albeit a little defeatist and
whiny. The host then said, ‘If I gave you $1 million right here,
right now, could you change your life immediately and rid
yourself of the issues that are plaguing you and preventing you
from making the most of your life?’ In a heartbeat the man
said, ‘Absolutely—yes.’
Now this is interesting. It’s not the problems or the solutions
that are the issues. They are simply the mechanics of the
situation. Any reasonably intelligent person can sit down and
write a list of the issues that are affecting them and what they
need to do about it, or find someone to help them do it. The
secret ingredient to make change work is motivation. If you
have the right motivation, you can change anything in your
life. If you haven’t, the change will only be token.
What can I do today?
Print or write this message on a piece of paper and put it on the
wall, in your diary or wherever you will see it every day: ‘I am
taking control of my life back from my business. I am the boss.’
START THE RETRAINING PROCESS TODAY
7
#2 Take some time, alone, to reflect on where you
are today
Before you leap into action and start to change everything in
your life, I suggest taking some time out to reflect on how your
life is today, and how you imagined it would be. Some of it will
be really on track, I am sure, but there are bound to be parts
that are just not working for you.
In the normal state of craziness that most of us seem to live
our lives in, there is little time to simply sit and reflect—but I
think reflection is an incredibly powerful tool. To reflect on
the journey that has got you to this point in your life means
remembering the good and the bad, the dreams and the
desires. To reflect on this means to take stock of where you
are today, and this can really drive the change process because
you will be motivated by remembering how you wanted your
life to be.
There is a reason that meditation has become so popular in
modern Western culture—remembering, of course, that it has
been popular in some other cultures for thousands of years.
(Perhaps we weren’t that quick off the mark.) Quiet reflection
is a form of meditation and it can do wonderful things for us
if we take the time and create the right environment to let
it happen.
So while I am recommending that you take time to reflect
on where you are today, I also strongly recommend building
time into your life for reflection every day—maybe at the end
of the day, or maybe in the morning when you get up. It’s up
to you, but the things to think about are: How was the day
you just experienced? What went well, and what didn’t? What
could you have done better? What are you proud of ?
The funny thing about reflection is that you have to train
your mind to do it; you need to ask the questions. In the early
stages, think of four or five questions and ask them of yourself
at your chosen daily reflection session. After a while, they will
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
8
form in your mind automatically. It will be very calming and
you will be better able to break your bad habits if you become
aware of them on a daily basis.
What can I do today?
Give yourself time to sit and ponder, away from phones,
customers, the family or any other distraction that will prevent
you from being able to think clearly. Then just sit and reflect,
maybe write down a few things that come into your mind. But
generally just make peace with what has occurred to get you to
this point in your life. Then make the time to do this on a daily
basis.
START THE RETRAINING PROCESS TODAY
9
#3 Understand the enemy—what things throw you
out of whack?
If someone asks me what disrupts the balance between my
business and my life I can easily list the culprits:
• Overcommitting my time (I can’t say no and I get excited
by interesting new projects).
• Aspects of running my company that I am no good at
(bookkeeping, operational procedures, etc.).
• Day-to-day distractions that stop me getting my work
done (I get hundreds of emails, countless telephone calls,
letters, visitors, etc. every day).
• The internet—I love it and get distracted by it, and have to
find the time to finish projects that I didn’t get done
because I was distracted (as you can tell I have a very short
attention span).
• Poor time management.
That is me being perfectly honest about myself. I get lots
done, I work long hours and I have very high expectations of
myself, but the above issues bring me undone faster than any
others. Fortunately for me I have a great team of people to
work with; they are very aware of each of these issues and do
their utmost to prevent them from impacting on me.
I suggest that you write your own list. What causes you the
greatest frustration in your business? Is it worrying about
money? Having to manage your staff ? Is it caused by your
suppliers? Or your customers? Again, try to be specific if you
can. Often we haven’t actually taken the time to think through
the causes of our day-to-day angst. You can then start to do
something about it and, even more importantly, you can enlist
the help of those around you, who can generally see you slowly
destroying yourself as you battle the panicky feeling of being
overwhelmed by your business.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
10
What can I do today?
Make a list of the issues that seem to cause you the greatest
amount of grief on a daily basis. Once you have written it, put
it in a prominent place and be committed to addressing these
issues once and for all. Enlist the aid of others to help you.
START THE RETRAINING PROCESS TODAY
11
#4 What bad habits have you developed?
The underlying cause of being out of balance is generally
related to bad habits that have become part of your normal,
day-to-day way of doing things.
These habits may relate to your health and wellbeing.
Perhaps you eat badly because there isn’t enough time in a seriously
busy day to go that little bit further and get a healthier
lunch. Or exercise consists of wrestling open a bag of chips,
your only meal, sometime during the day.
Or perhaps you are drinking a lot of coffee to fight the
fatigue of working longer and longer hours. Or maybe you are
unable to make even simple decisions anymore simply because
your mind is so full.
Whatever your particular bad habits are, rest assured, you
are not alone. They come with the territory and I have had
them all. I do know, though, that these bad habits will trap you
if you don’t act on them, and from my experience they are
particularly hard to shift. Just like smoking, it’s easy to start but
amazingly difficult to stop.
Not all bad habits are obvious. It can sometimes be a matter
of what you are not doing that is significant. Like not taking
enough time to relax, not recharging your batteries by doing
the things you love. These are generally by-products of the bad
habits we have developed—but they should be listed as well to
help you start the change process.
What can I do today?
Make a detailed list of all the bad habits that you have
developed and the impact they have on you. Be honest, be
specific and be prepared to be a little shocked. If you are not
comfortable with this, don’t show anyone else, but don’t kid
yourself either. Write them all down.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
12
#5 Be clear about how you want your life to look
and feel
Just as important as making the time to sit and reflect
on your life as it is today is being clear on what you want
your life to be like, or how you want it to look and feel, from
here on.
I find that being clear about this makes everything else fall
into place. The more specific you can be about how you want
your life to be, the more likely you are to achieve it.
Often it is hard to be clear about just what it is we want out
of life. Faced with a blank piece of paper, I struggled for a long
time with my attempt to list how I wanted my life to look, or
how I wanted my business or my body to look. I found it easier
to write down the things I didn’t want first of all—that made
working out the things I did want much simpler.
Before I started my marketing company I had done a
number of different things. I had been a commercial diver, run
a small travel company, worked around the world as a sales
professional, sold encyclopaedias door to door—and much
more. I had reached a crossroad in my life where I was trying
to decide what I wanted to do. So I wrote down all the things
I liked about each of my previous professions, and all the
things I didn’t like, and from those lists determined what kind
of business I wanted now.
The results were very specific. I had spent a lot of time
working outdoors and being cold. Hence today I live in the
tropics, but I didn’t want an outdoors job. I used to be on
call 24 hours a day when I had my travel company, but I didn’t
want to answer the phone at 3 a.m. anymore. I certainly
didn’t want to knock on doors to sell anything, but I did
want to meet people and to travel.
What came out of the melting pot was a very clear set of
criteria to be met by my next business—and that’s how I came
to be a writer and marketing consultant.
START THE RETRAINING PROCESS TODAY
13
So when we are talking about regaining control of our lives
and being able to successfully balance business and life, we
need to know exactly what that means to us as individuals.
Writing it down makes it real. The form in which you
do it—lists, tables, a flowchart—doesn’t matter. Write down
exactly how you want your life to look. Be very specific. Don’t
say you want to spend more time with your children—say how
much more time. If you don’t want to work as many hours, say
how many hours you do want to work. If you want to earn
more money, say how much. Specifics become reality. Airyfairy,
non-specific goals rarely get to be achieved.
The more specific your goals are, the greater your chances
of making them a reality.
What can I do today?
Today is the day to make up the written picture of how you
want your life to look and feel. Be specific, take your time—
and keep your target list where you will always be able to see it.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
14
#6 Old habits die hard—it takes time to change
While it is good to acknowledge that it has taken time to form
the habits that prevent us from balancing our life and business,
and that subsequently it will take time to change these habits,
we need to get on top of the process of change and drive it.
This means that once all the distractions, bad habits, things
that drive us insane, and anything else that can be blamed for
throwing our lives into chaos are identified, we need to very
deliberately set about changing them. Simply identifying the
problems won’t make them go away.
It is unlikely that we will change all our bad habits
overnight. Everyone who has made a list of New Year’s resolutions
is familiar with the bitterness of defeat around 1 February
when nothing has changed. We need to pace ourselves and
plan to implement changes in a way that is manageable. Many
of these changes may have an impact on other people, too,
people who may need a little time to adjust accordingly.
We need to set up a time frame to change each and every
bad habit that we’ve fallen into. Be reasonable—prioritise those
that need changing soonest and set your time frame to achieve
this. A day or a week, it’s up to you. But put all these issues
onto one piece of paper—again, put it in a prominent place
and look at it every day.
Now you’ve followed tip #4 and tip #5, are you working
towards making the changes? Are you on track timewise? If
not, why not, and what do you need to do to get back on track?
Understanding that if you don’t change these issues your life
will stay exactly as it is should be enough motivation to really
get you moving. But the habits won’t change themselves and
some will be tougher to kick than others.
What can I do today?
Write the list, put a time limit on each and every issue—and
make a mental commitment to meet every target.
START THE RETRAINING PROCESS TODAY
15
#7 Develop your plan of attack and put it where you
can see it
By now, we have achieved a number of key steps in the process.
We have accepted the need to change, we have identified
where we are going wrong, the bad habits we have formed and
the daily distractions that stop us from being in balance. We
have prioritised them, put time frames in place and been
very clear on when we want these changes to be completed.
The next step is determining what we need to do to make
the changes happen. This is where we have to really spell
things out. What actions do we have to take to make these
changes happen?
An example that remains particularly vivid in my memory
happened a few years ago. I had finally decided that I had to
get fit and lose some weight. I was getting ever more seriously
overweight and it was really only a matter of time till I dropped
dead. (I had the right motivation.) So I made a list of all the
things that stopped me from being fit, that made me put on
weight and generally kept me in the shape I was.
Most of the things I wrote down were hollow excuses—no
time, the business needed me or else it would fall apart, my
clients would leave if I wasn’t there to answer their calls from
early morning till late at night, I was too busy to take the time
for a proper lunch break so I ate on the run, and so on. In
hindsight not one of them was true, but I had learned to
believe my own propaganda.
Then I set my goals. They were big, but most of my goals
are. I wanted to lose 50 kilograms and climb the tallest freestanding
mountain in Australia (which is 922 metres—not
Mount Everest by any means, but in my mind there was little
difference).
Then I set time frames to achieve each of these goals. Three
years to lose the weight (this was based on professional advice)
and one year to be able to climb the mountain.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
16
The next step was the action plan to achieve this. I went to
a gym where a team of personal trainers started the process.
They looked at my overall wellbeing, my goals and the reality of
my situation. I was never going to be a beansprout-devouring
kind of fella, so they developed a plan to suit me. We revised it
often, always with my goals in mind. I pinned it up on my door
at home, along with my goals, and I read both of them every
morning as I walked out the door.
I am happy to say that both goals were achieved. For me,
the biggest challenges in my life at that stage were overcome. I
realised that I could apply the same simple processes to solving
any problem, but specifically those that affected balancing my
business and my life.
It is important to detail, step by step, the actions that you
need to take to implement significant changes, otherwise they
rarely happen.
What can I do today?
Write out your plan of attack in full and put it on the wall
or somewhere you can see it often. As you achieve the tasks on
the list, cross them off so you can keep track of the results you
are getting.
START THE RETRAINING PROCESS TODAY
17
#8 Start every day on the right path
I am a great believer in the importance of starting your day the
right way. If you begin under the hammer, you will spend all
day under the hammer. Taking some time each morning to
start your day in a gentle, focused and balanced way lays the
groundwork for the rest of the day.
I tend to spend a few minutes lying in bed, thinking about
the day to come, getting my head ready and right. Or if it is a
nice day I will sit on my balcony and watch the sun appear over
the hills, and enjoy the sensation of warmth on my face. Whatever
else happens, there is a definite relationship between the
way I feel first thing and the way my day turns out.
I used to jump out of bed while it was still dark, gulp down
some coffee, have a quick shower and head to work, where I
was full-on from the minute I arrived until the minute I left,
normally many hours later, in the dark at the other end of the
day. This is a very stressful way to live—there is virtually no
room to stop, breathe or enjoy what is happening around you.
Since I changed the way I start my day I definitely feel
much better, more in control, more relaxed, and ready to take
on the day and all its challenges in a calm manner.
This works for me, although I can’t promise it will work
for you. What is important is to start to bring a few rituals of
relaxation into your life. They are going to remove the
mayhem, ease the sense of being overwhelmed, introduce calm
and allow clarity into your daily life, which will make you feel
so much better.
What can I do today?
Plan to start tomorrow in a new way, to take some time just for
you, to think about the day ahead, to visualise all the good
things that will happen and the successes that you will enjoy. It
really does work.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
18
#9 Reward yourself for staying on track
One observation I have made of small business owners is that
they generally struggle with the notion of rewarding themselves,
often associating reward with purely financial considerations.
Associated with all the changes we are talking about there can be
more than a little turmoil in the short term before greater balance
kicks in. This is normal, but the turmoil can be disconcerting,
and we need to give ourselves some rewards along the way.
I suggest making a list (yes, I know, yet another list!) of
things you consider to be rewards. Some may be material
objects, others may be more symbolic. This doesn’t matter—
what does matter is that they are things you really like and
want.
Add these rewards to the list of changes required to achieve
your balance, at strategic places—so that when you change
this habit, you get that reward. For example, your list might
say that for one week you are not going to stay at work later
than 6 p.m., no matter what. If you achieve this, your pay-off
is to buy yourself a new fishing rod. Or, if you commit to
going to the gym twice a week and you do it for a month
without fail, you get to have a night out at your favourite
restaurant. But you must make the change before you claim
the reward.
This is part of the reprogramming process that you need to
undertake. There are many names for ‘reprogramming’, and
many ways to go about it, but it does work. We need to be
rewarded—whatever that means to us individually—to really
feel that what we are doing is worthwhile.
What can I do today?
Be clear about what you see as rewards, then make sure you
give yourself these rewards as you achieve the goals and targets
you have set. The rewards don’t have to be huge, perhaps something
as simple as taking time out to call a friend.
START THE RETRAINING PROCESS TODAY
19
#10 Visit your doctor, healer or naturopath
A big component in achieving balance between business and
life is being healthy. Stress encourages poor health and most
business owners are under a lot of stress.
I suggest that you visit your chosen medical advisor and get
a thorough check-up. Use it as a baseline. Where is your body
at today? Whether mainstream or alternative (and best start
with the mainstream if you are aware of anything significant,
and even if you aren’t), they will probably get you to have a
number of tests, prod and poke you a bit, and give you advice
that you don’t want to hear, but the information will help.
Tell them that you are planning to make some significant
changes in your life and this is one of the first stages. They may
be able to recommend some professionals or organisations to
help you.
I donate blood once a month, and have done so for almost
20 years off and on. I do this for three reasons: first, I get to lie
on a bed for an hour and have a little quiet time, followed by
a cup of tea, a biscuit and a chat to one of the lovely old ladies
who looks after the donors. Second, it makes me feel that I am
doing something good for society. Last but not least, I get a free
check-up once a month. Before taking my blood they give me
a fairly comprehensive physical that covers blood pressure,
weight and various other things. If there is anything wrong it
gets picked up quickly and lets me keep track of key health
indicators. Occasionally I get a letter from the blood bank
saying my last donation showed an issue that needs to be
followed up; a quick visit to my doctor and all is well.
What can I do today?
Have a baseline physical done. This is another way of measuring
the positive changes that occur with letting harmony find a
way back into your life. You decide what type of advice you are
after, but make an appointment for a complete check-up today.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
20
#11 What are the things you have always wanted
to do?
Make a list of all the things you have always wanted to do but
have never found enough time, money or energy for. I find this
a very interesting exercise. It’s your ‘life wish list’, and what
goes on it is entirely up to you. When we are feeling overwhelmed
one of the biggest issues is that there doesn’t seem to
be any way out, that often there isn’t a lot to look forward
to except more of the same.
Having a list of things that you have always wanted to do
(the ‘one day I will’ list) makes them more real. My list is long
(about 30 items) and ranges from spending a month in India
to feeling a polar bear’s fur. I am glad to say that I have
achieved a few of these things in recent years, and that feels
sensational. Quite often I find more things to add—there are
no hard and fast rules to this tip. It’s your list—make it what
you want. Sometimes you might even want to take a few things
off, because as time goes by you can change and they may no
longer be as important to you.
What you do with this list, like the others you make as you
work your way through this section, is of course up to you.
I made up a folder that holds all my information, and that
works for me. I keep it handy and review it almost every day.
Some of the more important parts I have laminated and placed
on my wall. I don’t care who reads them; in fact I find that it
motivates my friends to get off their backsides and put their
own lives into action mode.
Life is short, but we have the opportunity to do so much.
By taking control of your life and putting your business back
into perspective you will get to enjoy so many more of the
amazing things this planet has to offer. Some are huge, some
are small, but most are worthwhile. Running your own
business is an amazing experience and provides a true sense of
accomplishment, but this is magnified one hundred times if
you can enjoy your social life at the same time.
START THE RETRAINING PROCESS TODAY
21
What can I do today?
Make up your own list of things you have always wanted to
do but have never had enough time, money, energy or courage
to do. And then start working your way through them.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
22
#12 Be prepared to invest in the process
To get back the balance that is missing in your life you will
have to invest. This investment will be in the form of time,
energy and money.
Part of your investment in time will be taken up when you
sit and plan what you want your life to be like. Another part
will be used to go to seminars, read books, talk to other likeminded
people, to get fit, to learn better techniques for
managing people, and for reflection. Time is our most precious
commodity and the one most of us complain we don’t have
enough of. Of course, the old cliché is that we all have the same
amount of time available (and I don’t really need to talk about
the likes of Bill Gates, Rupert Murdoch and Richard Branson
all having the same amount of time as we do). Using your time
to bring balance and harmony back into your life will reap
great benefits for you and all those people close to you.
Your energy will be needed on a number of levels. You need
energy to make the changes necessary to bring balance back to
your life. You need energy to break out of the ‘comfort zone’
(the safety of the familiar) that tends to hold us in the state of
being overwhelmed, and you need energy to keep going once
you have made these breaks. The more successful you become
in business the more opportunities and distractions come your
way. Each one of them can play a role in throwing balance
out the window. Energy is a powerful weapon in the harmony
arsenal.
And last but by no means least is cash. You will have to
invest in yourself in order to get fit, to reward yourself, to learn
new skills and to change the way you do business. The amount
you need to spend will depend entirely on you. If you are a selfstarter
and can get and stay fit on your own you probably won’t
need a personal trainer, but if you are like me and need to have
someone stalking you to get you moving, you will have to
allocate money to this.
START THE RETRAINING PROCESS TODAY
23
I find it quite strange that we are so focused on having
money when we retire yet we devote very little time or money
to maintaining our health and wellbeing in the meantime to
ensure we get there! From where I sit I don’t want to ever retire,
and I certainly don’t plan to. But I do want to be healthy and
full of energy until the day I die. Investing in my health
and wellbeing today is far more important to me than my
retirement fund. You may disagree, but as always it’s up to the
individual.
The moral to this tip is that to fuel the changes necessary to
have a long, healthy and rewarding life in which business is a
major component, it is very likely that you will have to be
prepared to invest time, energy and money on a regular basis.
What can I do today?
How much time, energy and money are you prepared to invest
in yourself to get your life the way you want it to be? Clearly
this is not an easy question to answer, but it is a great question
to ask. There is no right or wrong amount, but the important
message is the realisation that you will need to invest in your
Life Bank.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
24
Action page—What I need to do to regain balance in
my life
START THE RETRAINING PROCESS TODAY
25
The words that come
out of your mouth are
as important as those
you hear
In this section I address the negative thoughts that we hold as true,
often without even realising it, and how they are reinforced by and
manifested in what we say and do.
Often we think of balance and harmony as being about
sitting on a mountain and chanting. Sure, that would be great, but
a lot of the time we don’t have a mountain handy and we need
something a little more convenient. Closer to earth, simply
changing what we say and how we say it can have an incredible
impact on our sense of wellbeing.
It’s a recognised truth that if you say something often enough,
even if it’s utterly wrong, eventually you will come to believe it and
so will the people around you. Here we examine some of the
negative speech and thought patterns that lead to a sense of being
overwhelmed and to a loss of balance—and, most importantly,
what you can do about it.
#13 What are the limiting beliefs that keep your life out of
control?
#14 Make a list of the negative words you use and burn it
#15 What words describe your life now and in the future?
#16 Avoid getting caught on Steamship Misery
26
3
THE WORDS THAT COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
27
#17 Gossiping, moaning and complaining—end it today!
#18 Identify the people who cause you problems and do
something about them
#19 When you start to lose control—stop, breathe and regain
focus
#20 Compliment others, be positive to others, be supportive of
others
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
28
#13 What are the limiting beliefs that keep your life
out of control?
Limiting beliefs are very interesting. Most of us have inherited
them from our parents or other influential people in our lives,
or even from the media. These can be beliefs that stop us from
excelling in life.
I saw an extreme example of a limiting belief on a trip to
Sri Lanka recently. In an elephant orphanage, the elephants
seemed to be held in their places by a length of string tied
around one back leg. Clearly the elephants could have broken
away in a second but apparently they never did. The reason for
this was explained by one of the handlers.
When the elephant babies are brought in to the centre a
chain is attached to one leg to hold them in their pens. Of
course they struggle and fight, but eventually they give up,
accepting that whenever they are chained it is pointless to resist.
Over time the chain is replaced by a thick rope, then a thinner
and thinner rope until it is virtually little more than a piece of
string. By now, however, the slightest pressure on the elephant’s
leg makes it think it cannot move from that particular spot.
Without going into the ethics of this treatment, it is clear to see
how a limiting belief is used to control the elephants.
People are not a lot different. We all have our own limiting
beliefs. Many books have been written about this concept, and
various ways developed to overcome our negative core beliefs.
In business I see the following five major negative beliefs every
day. I believe they really do stop people from succeeding, and
make life so much harder for business owners than it has to be:
1. Small business is meant to be hard.
2. You have to work really long hours to be successful in your
own business.
3. You can never make huge amounts of money in a small
business.
THE WORDS THAT COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
29
4. You have to sacrifice a lot to have your own business.
5. Most small businesses fail.
Now then—if you hold these core beliefs, why on earth are
you in business? I have to admit, somewhat shamefacedly, that
I held them myself for many years, and saw it almost as a
personal challenge to prove them wrong.
Over time, and with the beneficial advice of too many
people to list here, I came to realise these beliefs are not right.
• There is no reason at all why owning a small business
should be tougher than any other way of making a living.
• Working really long hours is not a prerequisite to building
a successful business.
• I know many, many people who have made and are making
millions of dollars per year from their small business.
• I don’t consider anything I do in business to be a sacrifice—
it is more a matter of determining my priorities.
• Most small businesses fail for very predictable reasons. If
you are aware of these pitfalls your chances of success are
very high.
What negative beliefs are holding you back? Search deep
within and see what nerves are touched when you explore some
of the above thoughts. Once you have identified your limiting
beliefs, replace each one with a positive belief. It takes time to
change negative beliefs, but with perseverance you will.
What can I do today?
Identify your own negative beliefs, whatever they may be.
Write each one down and then alongside it write a positive
belief you want to have instead. From this point on, read the
positive versions every day for at least a month.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
30
#14 Make a list of the negative words you use and
burn it
I got into a nasty habit a while back. Whenever friends,
colleagues or associates asked how I was, my standard response
would be something along the lines of: ‘I’m so busy I can’t do
any more. It’s ridiculous—I’m working really long hours, I’m
not sure if I’m getting anywhere, and I’m certainly not looking
for any more clients.’ This response was a reaction to being
very busy for a number of years.
Then things started to happen that made me realise I was
heading down a dangerous road. One day I actually listened to
what I was saying when a friend asked me how things were
going; to my shock I realised I’d responded with my standard
tirade without even stopping to think how things really were
going. My friend’s eyes glazed over, my mouth was on automatic
pilot. As this weird, negative little action went on, I
realised I was reinforcing my negative beliefs.
The second notable thing was that people stopped referring
clients to me. I noticed that my referral rate was dropping and
at first I thought that maybe I was doing something wrong—
well, I was, but it wasn’t what I thought. I asked a few close
colleagues why, expecting to hear some bad news. They looked
at me, quite surprised, and said, ‘Andrew, you are always so
busy. We didn’t want to send you any more clients because you
made it clear you didn’t want any more.’
What a realisation! I had to rebuild my entire thought and
speech process, to retrain myself. I made a list of the words,
phrases, terms and quotes I used that were negative—and there
were quite a few. I made a commitment to myself to stop using
them from that day on, and I did. In fact, as soon as I started
to use a ‘standard response’ of any kind I would stop talking,
collect my thoughts and begin again. Eventually I didn’t need
my list anymore, so I took it off the wall and burned it.
THE WORDS THAT COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
31
I suggest you do the same. If we tell people often enough
that life is horrible, it’s so hard to run your own business, staff
are terrible, the market is down, we are doing it tough financially,
we materialise these thoughts into reality.
If you turn these negatives into positives, the results are
astounding. My rate of referrals has since gone through the
roof and I will never ever moan about how busy I am again.
What can I do today?
Make up a list of the negative terms, words, phrases and quotes
that are limiting you. Make a conscious effort to eliminate
them from your life and replace them with positive, energetic
and enthusiastic responses. When you are ready, burn the list
of the old limiting words—you will never need them again.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
32
#15 What words describe your life now and in the
future?
Make a list of the words that describe your life now and how
you would like it to be in the future. This tip follows on from
the last, but it is a little more specific about how you can
change the way you think. In my experience, the people who
are positive and energetic about their life and their business are
always much happier and more balanced. If you listen closely
to what they say you will see that their words reflect their
thoughts—and that is the key.
Recently I was having a massage to relieve pain from
holding too much stress in my neck. The masseuse talked and
talked, which was beginning to drive me crazy because I was in
so much pain. But then I decided to stop feeling sorry for
myself and started listening to her. She was amazing. She was
raving about how much she loved her job—being able to meet
people, look out the window into her garden, travel from place
to place. I thought she must have been new to the game, but
she then went on to say she had been doing it for 20 years. I
was dumbfounded. Twenty years of rubbing oil on strangers’
backs and she loved it as much today as the day she started.
Extraordinary.
All too often we find it a struggle to identify what it is we
like about our lives and what we don’t like. I made up an
exercise for myself a few years ago in which I started with a
description of how I saw my life at the time—what I liked,
what I didn’t like and what I wanted to change. Then I wrote
another description about how I wanted my life to be,
right down to how much money I wanted to earn, what type
of woman I wanted to be in a relationship with, where
I wanted to travel to and when, and even what kind of car I
wanted to drive.
So here I had two bits of paper, one in each hand. One said
where I was today and the other described where I wanted to
THE WORDS THAT COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
33
be. Now I could get a clear picture in my head of where I was
heading and why.
This is a very powerful exercise on many levels. For starters,
it makes you stop and think about what is missing in your life
and what you really want to achieve. Statistically, less than
5 per cent of people have written goals like this. Interestingly
enough, the people who are the most successful normally fit
into that group.
Defining the goals that you want to achieve can be tough.
I tend to break them up into a few categories, including
business, relationship, health, financial and spiritual. Regardless
of how you want to go about defining where you are going,
just doing it is a great start. Be a little flexible. It isn’t an exam
with right or wrong answers.
What can I do today?
Write down all the things about your life that you like or don’t
like on a piece of paper. Then, on a separate piece of paper,
write down how you would like your life to be. Make it as
specific as you can.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
34
#16 Avoid getting caught on Steamship Misery
I talk to a lot of small business owners around the world. Interestingly,
no matter which country I’m in, there seems to be a
common misconception that small business is supposed to be
tough, otherwise you aren’t doing it right. I call this ‘Small
Business Syndrome’, and I believe it really holds small business
owners back.
Small Business Syndrome relates to all the negatives of
having a small business—and yes, there are a number of them,
but in my opinion the positives far outweigh the negatives.
And let’s be honest: if they didn’t, why on earth would you ever
start your own business?
Anyone who has been in small business for any period of
time will have heard all the lines about how hard it is. Staff are
nothing but trouble, suppliers always let you down, money is
always tight, the hours you have to work are crazy, the stress
you have to endure will ultimately break you, and so on. This
suffering is normally passed on in self-pity workshops with
other small business owners (and I will talk about these workshops
a little later).
I love my business. I describe it as exciting, energetic and
stimulating. I can come and go as I please, I get to make
decisions on the spot about how business is done, if I work
hard I earn more, I contribute to society through my business
and get to build relationships with incredible people, many of
whom work with me. Sure, I have all the other stuff to deal
with as well, but I don’t focus on that anywhere near as much
as I focus on the good stuff.
It’s easy to forget the good points about having your own
business. The grass is always greener elsewhere, and we think
that everyone else’s business is better than ours. Well, I have a
surprise for you—it’s not true! Common misconception: how
hard can it be to run a restaurant? Cook a few meals, serve
them up and the customers keep rolling in. I don’t think so.
THE WORDS THAT COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
35
Ask anyone who has owned their own restaurant and you will
hear a very specific tale about running a tough business.
Every single business has good points and bad points. The
difference is which points you decide to focus on.
What can I do today?
Think about all the positive aspects of your business. Write
them down. Whenever you find yourself feeling a little blue or
depressed about what you are doing, read through the list to
remind yourself just how good it really is.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
36
#17 Gossiping, moaning and complaining—end it
today!
When you are feeling overwhelmed, out of control, depressed
or negative, your conversation tends to be less than positive.
This is when gossiping, moaning and complaining slip into
the conversation. Unfortunately, after a while they become
the norm.
I have a client I meet with once a week. He spends the first
half-hour of our meeting moaning and complaining about the
company he works for. It is tragic and sad and, to be honest,
very depressing. My advice to him is always the same—leave.
Find a company where you will be happy; life is far too short
for ongoing misery.
There is absolutely nothing to be gained from gossiping,
moaning and complaining; on the contrary, it has a long-term
negative effect on those around you. It can also start to create
a corporate culture that revolves around this mentality. Gossip
only works if it is passed on.
Creating a positive, nurturing environment is far more
important and the rewards are far greater. But it takes an effort
to break the cycle if it already exists in your business—and you
may be the main culprit.
Every time you find yourself starting to gossip, moan
or complain, stop yourself in your tracks and rethink what
you were going to say. If you have staff gossiping, moaning
or complaining to you, let them know that you are simply
not interested. Tell them that you don’t like to gossip, moan
or complain—you have moved on. Some people won’t like
this, but tough. (With reference to the client I was talking about,
sometimes it’s not so easy to put a stop to it. It may be that the
only answer is to drop such clients if they are too depressing.)
Balance and harmony in life is as much about what you say
and hear as it is about what you see and do. Negativity breeds
negativity; positivity breeds success.
THE WORDS THAT COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
37
What can I do today?
Make a concerted effort from this minute on not to get
involved in gossiping, moaning or complaining, in any shape
or form.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
38
#18 Identify the people who cause you problems and
do something about them
Just as we develop negative thought patterns that are reinforced
by negative language, there are often people in our lives who
further reinforce these beliefs and literally bring us down by
what they say and do.
We all have friends who make us wince when they walk in.
We know that within five minutes they will have us completely
depressed, and feeling that there is nothing we can do about it.
Their lives are desperate, sad, tragic, bored or whatever, and
odds on you have a sympathetic ear, so you listen and they keep
coming back to tell you more.
Do you know why? Because it makes them feel better. They
make you feel like you want to jump out the nearest window,
and they leave whistling and smelling the roses. Now this is
crazy.
If you are surrounded by people like this, it’s not going to
be hard to change—it’s going to be near impossible. It may be
hard to get them out of your life because they’re your biggest
customer, a relative or your business partner. But whatever else
you do, you really do need to draw a line in the sand. If more
of the people you mix with are negative than positive, you have
a problem, which will only get worse over time and keep you
trapped in the cycle of feeling overwhelmed.
I made a very conscious decision a number of years ago
about the type of people I would have in my life. I want to be
surrounded by energetic, enthusiastic and positive people
who are getting on with their lives. I don’t care what they do
for a living, how much money they have or who they know.
All I care about is their zest for life. These people inspire me
and motivate me to be the best person I can be; they are
supportive of any decision or change that will help me to
achieve this goal. If I fail, they are the first people to support
me and say at least I gave it a go.
THE WORDS THAT COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
39
If I listened to the negative people I wouldn’t do anything,
because life is clearly so damn messed up that there is nothing
I can possibly do that would make it any better. There is no
malicious intent in these people, it’s just a reflection of where
they are at in life at the time. And that is sad, but we all need
to decide if we want to be equally sad. I made the decision not
to and that was that.
I suggest that you develop a way of keeping such people at
arm’s length. Some of them won’t like you for it, and they will
tell you so. Be prepared for some repercussions, but stay
resilient because the pay-off is big. If you don’t know where to
find positive, energetic, enthusiastic people, ask around. They
are normally busy people who are getting on with life. The
people sitting around in coffee shops and bars all day long
clearly have too much time on their hands.
What can I do today?
Identify the people around you who fit in the negative category
and start making a plan of how you will get them out of your
life, or at least minimise the impact they have on you. At the
same time, make a list of the places where you might be able to
meet and mix with positive, like-minded people.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
40
#19 When you start to lose control—stop, breathe
and regain focus
Being overwhelmed and feeling out of control in your business
is a terrible feeling. Sometimes you just don’t know where to
turn. There are hundreds of emails that need answering, a pile
of telephone messages to return, correspondence to read,
meetings to be had, deadlines of every kind, staff needing
direction—and then you get the call saying there is a problem
with your biggest customer, and it’s a doozy.
If all this sounds like your normal kind of day—and it’s
only 9 a.m.—no wonder you are feeling a little out of control
and in need of some balance and harmony in your life. I can
relate completely. When you are in the midst of an overwhelming
downer, it’s easy to slide even lower. Taking a
moment to rethink and regroup is the best thing you can
possibly do here.
A friend of mine who is a pilot said that this is one of the
key training techniques used in flight school. When things are
starting to go pear-shaped, simply take a moment to stop everything,
take a big, deep breath and think logically about what
you are doing. Sounds simple, doesn’t it, but we rarely do it.
A good friend of mine who has had the pleasure of
watching me over the years going from periods of Zen monk
calmness to sheer madness gave me a sticker that simply said
‘JUST BREATHE’. And it is advice I will take to the grave.
Years ago I had problems with anxiety attacks. I was a
commercial diver at the time so, as you can imagine, it’s not
good to experience a panic attack 50 metres below the surface.
The psychologist said a similar thing at the time: ‘You have to
learn to breathe.’ At the time I was not very impressed by these
words of wisdom, thinking I had clearly just wasted hundreds
of dollars seeing a crazy woman, but as the years went by and
I did learn to breathe, I realised just how right she was.
THE WORDS THAT COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
41
When we are stressed and freaked out we breathe very
shallowly. This makes us feel short of breath and even more
stressed, which of course stresses us out even further. It’s a
nasty cycle.
If you can learn to stop, take a few very deep breaths and
then do what you need to do, the results will be far better and
your feelings of being out of control will be greatly reduced in
intensity. It is simply a matter of reprogramming your normal
response mechanism, which is to dive in and try to fix everything
at once.
What can I do today?
Learn to breathe. Put a big sign on the wall: ‘JUST
BREATHE’. And the very next time you are feeling the pangs
of being ‘out of control’ starting to surface, stop, take a few
deep breaths and then act. It will take a while to reprogram
yourself, but when you’ve done it, life will become much easier.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
42
#20 Compliment others, be positive to others, be
supportive of others
One of the greatest books I have ever read in my life is How to
Win Friends and Influence People by that master of people interaction,
Dale Carnegie. This book has been my bible for almost
20 years and I make a point of reading it again every year,
at least once. I am sure this sounds a little crazy, but let
me explain.
This book was written over 70 years ago, in 1936. It shows
you, in very simple terms, how to get the best out of people.
The concepts Carnegie raises are as relevant now as they were
then. His underlying theme focuses on the power of being
genuinely positive and encouraging of the people we deal with
on a daily basis.
The book shows the importance of being supportive of
others, of listening and being interested in people. The most
amazing and truly wonderful aspect of this is that the more you
support others, the more you listen, the more interested and
encouraging of other people you are, the more these same
characteristics flow back to you in your daily life. While that
should never be your reason for offering support and
encouragement, it is a beautiful reward.
Something as simple as offering a compliment to the
person serving you in the grocery store on the way to work can
change their entire outlook for the day, and yours as well. The
best time to be like this is when you are feeling the most out of
control or out of balance. Take your focus off yourself and put
it onto others.
Have you ever noticed how, when you are in your own
world and someone compliments you, perhaps saying how
nice your shirt is, for instance, you are forced to take a step
back and stop for a moment to take the compliment in? It
certainly makes you feel warm inside, doesn’t it?
THE WORDS THAT COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
43
I try to be positive and complimentary to every single
person I meet. Sometimes that is pretty hard, in fact it can be
downright impossible at times, because some people are just
too angry to even register a compliment. But in return, my life
is filled with people being incredibly supportive, loving and
nurturing to me, especially when I need it the most.
What can I do today?
Next time you are feeling really stressed out start dishing out
the compliments. Make them sincere, because there is nothing
worse than shallow, insincere compliments—they don’t fool
anyone. And if you haven’t already got a copy, go out today and
buy Dale Carnegie’s classic, How to Win Friends and Influence
People.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
44
Action page—What I need to do to regain balance in
my life
45
2
The ‘F’ factor—
bring it on
There is no doubt that if you are having fun in whatever it is you
do, the feeling of being overwhelmed, out of control or out of
balance simply can’t take hold—at the bare minimum, its effects
will be lessened. For many people the loss of joy they experience
on a daily basis is the most confronting aspect of leading a life that
is out of harmony. As we say throughout this book, having a full
and demanding life is not necessarily a bad thing—but having a
life without laughter most certainly is.
I know that for many people the whole concept of having fun
at work is a little ‘odd’, something that’s hard to come to grips with.
You may consider it somewhat ‘out there’, or perhaps not a real
business issue. Well, without going into the reams of research that
support the idea, we need to spend a lot more time having fun in
our day-to-day lives, especially at work, simply because it makes
life so much more enjoyable and so much less stressful and out
of control.
This section looks at ways to bring the ‘F’ factor back into your
life, and to me it is the most important information you will find in
this book.
#21 Do you remember when you used to laugh a lot?
#22 Professionalism vs fun
#23 Surround yourself with the things that make you warm inside
4
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
46
#24 The boomerang effect of being light-hearted
#25 Political correctness in the world of fun
#26 Creating ‘magnificent moments’ every single day
#27 Remember to stop, think and laugh
#28 The myth of time-wasting (the six-minute increment)
#29 Fun uses every sense—sight, sound, touch, smell and taste
#30 As the boss, you are the business barometer
THE ‘F’ FACTOR—BRING IT ON
47
#21 Do you remember when you used to laugh a lot?
Day-to-day pressure builds up over time. One of its most
noticeable symptoms is that the amount of laughter in a
person’s life tends to drop proportionally as pressure and stress
increase. Why we stop laughing is really unclear, but the weight
of the world on our shoulders is a heavy burden regardless of
where we are in life. The pressures of day-to-day living are as
relevant to the high school teenager facing exams as they are to
the head of a corporation with 100 000 employees.
We all look sympathetic when the ‘pressure’ of running a large
corporation makes the CEO miserable, yet we say that teenagers
are being melodramatic when impending exams make them lose
their sense of humour. I have to reinforce the fact that all pressure
is relevant and important to the person feeling it. There are no
universal measures saying that the feelings one person experiences
are more important or significant than any other person’s.
One thing is certain, though: most of us remember times
when we had less pressure and stress in our lives, fewer
demands on our time, our money and our energy, and generally
these were times when we were quick to laugh and quick
to make others laugh. We rolled with the punches, we took
setbacks in our stride and we didn’t seem to take life quite so
seriously. Well, you can have those times back again, and this
book is intended to help you find them.
Take a moment to think back to that time in your life when
you used to laugh the most. Close your eyes and spend a few
minutes with this visualisation. Start to think about that time
when you felt so carefree and happy. What year was it? What
was happening in your life? Where were you living? Who were
you spending time with? Where did you work? What were you
wearing? What did you do on weekends? What music were
you listening to? What were you reading? What kind of car
did you drive? Where did you hang out? What smells remind
you of that time?
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
48
Now open your eyes and spend a few moments jotting
down the words that best describe your emotions and feelings
when you think about that time. What was it that made your
life feel so good? I am sure that even then there was a lot of
pressure—money could have been an issue, relationships
might have come and gone, a lack of certainty about the future
might have figured highly, among other challenges. Even
so, the feelings you remember most are joy and happiness
and being carefree. So what is the difference between then
and now?
Identifying this difference is a significant point. Try to find
the one word that describes what has changed for you. Because
once you know this word, you know your enemy and you can
finally do something about it.
As an example, let’s say that the one word affecting you is
‘pressure’, meaning that you feel so much more pressure to
perform, to deliver, to provide—whatever. Now you have a
name for what has to change in your life. While it won’t be that
easy to remove the pressure, it is relatively easy to change the
way you perceive it, react to it and think about it.
Doing this exercise on a regular basis, when you’re feeling
overwhelmed and anxious, will have a very positive effect. It
will help you to change your life and the way you deal with the
main issues preventing you from achieving balance.
What can I do today?
Do the visualisation described above. It will make you feel
good, it will bring a smile to your face, it will reduce the feeling
of being overwhelmed that we all experience at times. Best
of all, it will remind you what it’s like to feel that sensation of
joy again.
THE ‘F’ FACTOR—BRING IT ON
49
#22 Professionalism vs fun
Being considered professional is a goal that the vast majority of
business owners strive for, and rightly so. Our customers expect
professionalism, and when a business doesn’t deliver, look out.
But what exactly is professionalism and what does it mean to
be professional?
The reason I ask these questions is that I believe many
business owners don’t allow fun into their workplace because
they feel it’s unprofessional and their customers won’t like
it or that it will somehow diminish their perceptions of the
business.
I completely disagree with this notion, and say right here
and now that one of the most effective ways to build a dynamic
and successful business is to have a workplace that actively
encourages people to have a good time. And by people, I mean
staff, customers, suppliers, cleaners—whoever has some kind
of interaction with this business.
Think back to the last time you visited a business where
it seemed like everyone was having a good time. Did you
think that what they delivered was any less professional
because they were joking around, laughing or enjoying themselves?
I doubt it. If you haven’t read the book Fish! Tales:
Real-Life Stories to Help You Transform Your Workplace and
Your Life, grab it today. It begins with an amazing story about
a retail fishmonger business in Seattle, on the West Coast of
the United States, that has become internationally renowned
for its philosophy of building a successful business through an
energetic, dynamic, fun-filled workplace.
I know of a legal firm that plays lawyer jokes on their onhold
telephone system. These legal eagles are very successful.
Their clients love them, they deliver exceptional service and
they get results. Their advertising is fun and they enjoy
laughing at themselves and the legal profession as a whole.
Does this make them less professional? Not in my eyes,
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
50
certainly not in the eyes of their clients, and I would hazard a
guess and say not in the eyes of their bank manager either.
Surely customers would much rather be in an environment
where the people they are doing business with are having a
good time? Where everyone is quick to smile, light-hearted and
clearly in a good mood? Surely staff would want to work for a
company that has a reputation as a place where people enjoy
going to work?
The important point here is to develop your own philosophy
around professionalism vs fun. Clearly define both as they
apply to your business. What are your goals and objectives
when it comes to being considered professional? How do you
want to be perceived by your customers? What is your philosophy
about having fun at work? What are the boundaries
when it comes to having fun? After all, you aren’t running a
circus. Why not develop a ‘having fun and being professional’
philosophy that clearly defines how you see the relationship
between professionalism and fun, what you see as positive and
to be encouraged and what should be avoided.
Welcome fun back into your working life; encourage it,
enjoy it, spread it around, but define the boundaries so that
everyone knows what is OK and what is not. Try it in little
steps first and start to notice how your customers respond.
I have no doubt that you will be pleasantly surprised by their
reaction.
What can I do today?
Develop your own ‘having fun and being professional’ philosophy.
Once you have perceptions of both concepts clear in
your own mind, they will reach a balance in your workplace if
you let them. Make sure you share this philosophy with those
around you.
THE ‘F’ FACTOR—BRING IT ON
51
#23 Surround yourself with the things that make you
warm inside
Let me describe my office. I have a big antique desk that was
once the stationmaster’s desk at a little country train station.
It’s made from silky oak, a magnificent light-coloured timber.
I have a large whiteboard with my current projects listed on it,
and some philosophical and motivational messages. I have a
picture board behind my desk with hundreds of photos of
people from around the world that I have collected over the
years. I have an abstract picture of Venice painted by a very
close friend, as well as countless books and magazines, workrelated
and otherwise. A good stereo and an excellent
collection of CDs to while away those late working nights
(and, of course, I have now embraced the world of iPod). I also
have wood carvings from a brief stint in Papua New Guinea,
gifts from clients, copies of my previous books published in
different languages, vitamin tablets, a change of clothes—and
much more.
My office reflects my life—it is full, sometimes organised,
often chaotic, but always rich, colourful and interesting. I have
the philosophy that if I am going to spend a lot of time in my
office—and I do—I want to feel at home there, comfortable
and relaxed. Having all these things in my office makes me feel
that way, and no matter how stressed I may feel or how overwhelmed
I am, I always breathe a sigh of relief when I sit down
at my desk.
I am a firm believer in the importance of feeling as though
you are part of the area where you work. Sometimes a photo
of the family in a 6 4 frame on the desk just isn’t enough.
You might think it is—but if you feel like a visitor to your
workspace rather than a part of it, maybe you need to create
more of a connection. Again, as a business owner, I think that
we should encourage our staff to do the same. Clearly there
are boundaries (imagine a king-size bed in the accountant’s
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
52
office), but you can easily define these and, just as I discussed
in tip #22, about embracing a little fun in the workplace,
bringing personality into a business is not unprofessional in
the slightest.
The calming effect of having a few of your favourite things
with you at work can be quite amazing. If you aren’t convinced,
give it a go anyway and see if it makes a difference to you.
What can I do today?
What changes can you make to your workplace that will make
it more enjoyable or pleasant? Maybe it’s time to look with
new eyes at where you work, and once and for all make it
appeal to you as a place where you feel safe and comfortable.
Often the way to go about it is to remove the clutter, have a
good clean-up and simply start again. Is there something
irritating about your workplace that adds to your day-to-day
stress? Can you stop everything and change that one thing?
You might be surprised at the difference this can make to your
day-to-day life.
THE ‘F’ FACTOR—BRING IT ON
53
#24 The boomerang effect of being light-hearted
It’s interesting to see how quickly a smile is returned, a lighthearted
comment acknowledged or a laugh answered with a
laugh. Remembering to let ourselves be light-hearted is important
in the process of overcoming any out-of-balance state we
might find ourselves in.
I take what I do seriously. I am a hard taskmaster because
I set high standards for myself and for those around me, borne
of a very real desire to be exceptional at what I do. But as
I constantly remind everyone who works with me, at the end
of the day it is only business, and we should never lose sight of
this. In the scale of things, sure, our businesses are pretty darn
important, but they are nowhere near as important as our
health or our relationships with our family.
So if we keep business in perspective, we can take the time
to smile, to laugh and to be a little light-hearted. And the best
part is that the more you do this the more other people will
treat you the same way. Spread it around, give compliments,
have a laugh at yourself when things go wrong. Remember not
to take yourself too seriously—after all, it is only business.
What can I do today?
Put a big sign up on your wall: ‘It is only business.’ Then go
out and spread the fun gene, encourage people to be a little
playful, read a joke book, have a laugh at yourself and generally
lighten up. Notice how this gets boomeranged back to you
and, most importantly, how much better you start to feel as the
humour mill starts to turn.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
54
#25 Political correctness in the world of fun
This is the only real word of warning in this section and it
would be remiss of me not to spell out some of the boundaries
we need to take into consideration when it comes to embracing
fun in the workplace. Unfortunately, there is nearly always
someone who oversteps the mark, so that what is meant as
good-spirited humour can sometimes cause offence and very
genuine distress to another member of the team.
Many businesses live in fear of litigation and tend to have a
blanket approach that ends up meaning no jokes about
anything. I think there is a middle road that can be followed
without taking the soul out of a business. The most important
part of this equation is to make clear to any new members of
staff what your policy or views are regarding what can be said
and what can’t be said to other members of staff.
Some small businesses tend to have pretty liberal views on
forwarding internet jokes, while others are seriously draconian
about it. You need to decide what your policy is; if you are not
sure about it ask your industry association, business mentors
or professional advisors for an opinion. Then be clear on what
your policy is and make sure everyone else is clear as well.
I make a point of asking any of my new staff members
if they have any personal issues that could lead to their being
seriously offended, and if there is a point that needs to be
discussed it is raised with the other staff members in an
appropriate manner. This way we can all still get a laugh from
email jokes, but we are sensitive when we need to be. The
responsibility is shared and rather than me being the watchdog
we all act in a mature and responsible manner.
So in short, be politically correct but not soulless. Don’t
lose the fun and energy of your business through a fear-based
decision on political correctness or litigation.
THE ‘F’ FACTOR—BRING IT ON
55
What can I do today?
Determine your company view on the boundaries that you feel
are appropriate (and legal) when it comes to having fun at
work, and make sure you put it in writing. Then give it to your
staff. Remember the philosophy that, if in doubt, avoid race,
religion, sex and politics (but then often there isn’t a lot left
to laugh about!).
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
56
#26 Creating ‘magnificent moments’ every single day
Every day we are presented with an incredible array of opportunities,
and when you own your own business you are often
faced with more than your share. These opportunities take
many shapes and forms but, sadly, when we are feeling out of
control we rarely see them because we are too busy looking
inwards, muttering under our breath and feeling sorry for
ourselves.
One way to really overcome this feeling is to stop focusing
on your woes, on yourself, and spend a few moments focusing
on someone else. It is incredibly therapeutic for both
you and the other person. The aim here is to create a few
‘magnificent moments’ every single day we are on the planet.
So, I hear you ask, what are these ‘magnificent moments’?
Well, they are simple interactions where you make the effort to
make someone else’s day bolder, brighter and more colourful.
I call it a conscious interaction, one where you are in the
moment, not just going through the motions.
‘Magnificent moments’ (also known as ‘random acts of
kindness’) can happen at any time, day or night. They can be as
simple as striking up a conversation with someone you see every
day but never actually talk to. Perhaps the person behind the
counter at your local shop or the petrol station where you fill
your car. Introduce yourself, tell them what you do, and thank
them for doing what they do to make your day a little easier.
What other opportunities are there to create these
conscious interactions? There are so many I could write a book
about it. You could send me an email, for instance, to say how
much you like this book, or send a thankyou card to a client,
make a donation to a charity on someone else’s behalf, visit
a rest home and get to know a few of the residents, give a
member of your team an early mark, pay the toll for the car
behind you or put some money in a parking meter that is set
to run out.
THE ‘F’ FACTOR—BRING IT ON
57
‘Magnificent moments’ are exactly that—moments. You
don’t want to spend an hour with the person, or stalk them or
freak them out. Simply break the normal interactions of their
day and show some genuine interest in them.
I try to create as many of these conscious interactions as
I can every day. To be honest, I sometimes feel a little selfish
doing it because the energy I get back and the feelings of
warmth, affection and appreciation at times seem far greater
than what I give.
To bring your life back into balance, take some of the focus
off you and find out about those around you. Make their day
a little special and yours will be, too.
What can I do today?
Like any new skill, creating ‘magnificent moments’ might take
a little practice. Why not make the decision to create one
‘magnificent moment’ every day for the next week? You might
grow to like it so much that it becomes a habit. I certainly
hope so.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
58
#27 Remember to stop, think and laugh
Often when we get caught up in mayhem, we lose our tempers
and our sense of humour. I found myself in this situation many
times in the past. And, what was worse, I tended to overreact
to situations that really didn’t warrant it. Then, of course, you
know that you have overreacted and try to fix the damage—
but it’s awkward.
I learned a good lesson from several close friends who ran
very busy and full-on businesses that were far more demanding
than mine. I was amazed at the way they would receive bad
news about an unhappy customer or a lost shipment or some
other unfortunate incident—things that would have made me
rant and rave for an hour. They would stop, think for a
moment, make a joke and then deal with it. They didn’t get
emotional or overreact, but they did think about the situation,
conduct a quick mental evaluation, and then lighten the mood
and move on to deal with the problem.
This is a characteristic I have noticed in many excellent
leaders—their ability to deal with a situation in a cool, calm
manner and not lose their sense of humour.
Earlier in the book I mentioned that the key to change was
to take some time to stop and think situations through rather
than immediately react. We need to stop, think and then act.
Normally things are not as bad as they first appear, but in an
overwhelmed, stressed-out state we tend to take everything a
little more personally than we normally would. It is part of the
cycle. So we get angry easily, we get short with people and we
tend to put on the martyr hat. (How could they do this to me?
To get anything done right around here I have to do it myself.)
What can I do today?
Think back over the past week. Were there any situations you
feel you could have handled better if you had taken some time
THE ‘F’ FACTOR—BRING IT ON
59
to stop, think and laugh? Challenge yourself to rise to the
occasion the very next time you are faced with a situation that
would normally make you lose it. Find some humour in the
situation and deal with it. You will become a better leader, your
staff will learn from you and respect you and, most importantly,
a load will be lifted from your shoulders.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
60
#28 The myth of time-wasting (the six-minute
increment)
Sometimes it is time well spent simply to stop and have a chat
and some social interaction. It builds bonds, reduces stress and
encourages people to feel that they are part of a team.
The days of the business ‘overlord’ are long gone; progressive
businesses are looking for ways to encourage their staff to
be productive in their own way. At long last we realise that
people work in different ways. Trying to squeeze everyone into
the same mould is an outdated concept.
The reference in the heading to the six-minute increment
relates to the common practice in professional services firms,
like accounting and law firms, for staff to have to report on
how their time was spent (and which client should be billed)
for every six-minute period. Clearly a good way to encourage
productivity and accountability, but it does create a stressful
environment and isn’t overly conducive to free-thinking,
creativity and individuality—traits once considered a problem
but now highly sought after.
There is no doubt that some people do waste time and
probably don’t do their job as effectively as they should. But
there needs to be some understanding that as human beings we
are social animals, which means we need time to interact and
be social. Sure, there are breaks for this, but as business owners,
the better our staff perform the greater the results we achieve.
If they are happy and surrounded by a positive environment
that is enjoyable to work in, they will do better work—trust in
the system.
What can I do today?
Start to reprogram the way you think. Don’t make your staff
feel uncomfortable when you come around. Get to know them
THE ‘F’ FACTOR—BRING IT ON
61
better and look at this time as a significant investment in the
future of your business. It is amazing what you can learn about
your business when you take the time to talk to those who
actually run it.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
62
#29 Fun uses every sense—sight, sound, touch,
smell and taste
The aim of this section is to introduce a little fun into your
business, to lighten it up and help restore a sense of balance,
enjoyment and fulfilment at work. Fun, in whatever form it
takes, has an amazingly restorative ability. Humour is a very
potent weapon in the small business skills arsenal.
Unfortunately, terminal seriousness has crept into many
workplaces, and many business owners wanting to lighten up
the place a little don’t know where to start. So I have made it
easy for you. Here are ten good ways to encourage your team
to laugh a little more often; hopefully you will, too!
1. Develop a Fun Committee—this committee’s job is to
come up with ideas for making your workplace a whole
lot more fun. (People need to volunteer for this, and
ideally need a good sense of humour.)
2. Joke of the day—share the responsibility around and
get everyone to take turns at coming up with a joke of
the day.
3. Ugly shirt day—while many businesses already look as if
they are holding this competition every day, make it a
special event.
4. Baby pictures—have a pin-up board with baby pictures of
every member of your team—and you!
5. Have a fun zone—this can be where people go when they
need to laugh. It can have a few silly toys, some joke
books—really, anything that can raise a smile.
6. Baking day—have a rotating roster for everyone to bake
something and bring it into work. There must be guidelines
to make it equal and everyone should at least try the
end result.
7. Have a weekly buddy system—everyone gets allocated a
buddy for one week, and the buddy has to look after the
THE ‘F’ FACTOR—BRING IT ON
63
‘boss’, get them tea and coffee, buy their lunch, and so on.
But the catch is, the next week, you swap.
8. Introduce spontaneity—take your team out for coffee,
bring in a treat or just do something out of the ordinary.
9. Successes Board of Fame—have a noticeboard with staff
successes for the month. This can be any success, not just
work related.
10. Have a ‘something you didn’t know about me’ day—every
member of your team tells the rest of the team one thing
that no one at work would know about them.
What can I do today?
Start having more fun at work today. If your workplace is a
little humour-challenged, give it time, don’t try to turn it into
the local comedy club overnight. Start small, work your way
up, but start today. And remember that laughing is also an
excellent form of rejuvenation—15 minutes of laughter has the
same relaxing effect as meditating for eight hours; ten minutes
of laughter has the same relaxing effect as two hours’ sleep.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
64
#30 As the boss, you are the business barometer
As the boss, the business owner, the manager, the partner—
whatever position you hold, there is no doubt that the person
at the top sets the mood for the culture within an organisation.
Whether you are uptight, stressed out, serious, angry or
bored, this feeling will be reflected in those around you. If you
don’t care about the business, how can you expect your staff to?
For this reason alone, the wellbeing of your business is intrinsically
linked to your wellbeing, and your state of mind is a
critical component in this process.
One interesting observation I have made on the health and
wellbeing of a business is that if the person at the top smokes,
for instance, there will generally be more smokers in the business.
If the person at the top drinks a lot, there will be more
heavy drinkers in the business. I don’t know whether this is a
case of like attracting like or whether certain trends are simply
characteristic of certain industries, but it is an effect I have seen
in many businesses. And it works the same way on an attitude
level—a business run by someone who is miserable tends to
attract miserable staff (and often miserable customers, too).
Of course, the best part of this effect is that it tends to work
equally well in the positive. Businesses run by a person with selfrespect,
a positive and energetic attitude, and a ‘can do’
philosophy tend to attract staff with the same outlook on life.
People who like to have fun at work attract other people who
like to have fun at work. What an amazing opportunity this
represents.
The key message here is to understand that if you are the
top of your immediate food chain, it is important that you
have a positive, energetic attitude to life and business so that
you can attract like-minded people and set the culture for
your business. These like-minded people will in turn make your
business more successful, and your life will get easier and the
day-to-day pressures you feel will be reduced.
THE ‘F’ FACTOR—BRING IT ON
65
What can I do today?
On your way to work take a moment to focus on your view of
the day ahead. What message do you want to give to your staff
and customers, remembering that they will be a reflection of
you? Visualise how your interactions will look and feel, then
make them a reality.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
66
Action page—What I need to do to regain balance in
my life
Beware the
energy drain
The battle for balance is really an energy issue. As business owners
try to juggle work and home, the competing demands of each
slowly erode overall energy levels. From a state of depleted
energy, everything gets just that little bit harder. This forms a vicious
cycle, where everyday challenges can seem insurmountable, and
you stop being able to make decisions and start to suffer from
stress-related health problems.
As this is happening, your energy keeps draining away and
the simplest of problems can ultimately trigger a disproportionately
monumental breakdown.
This section looks at some of the main reasons for the emotional
energy drain and provides some simple advice to overcome it.
#31 Learn to let go
#32 Master the art of saying no
#33 Separate work from home—relationship issues
#34 If you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas
#35 Managing money issues
#36 Don’t be afraid to sack some customers
#37 The torture of perfection
#38 Do the work you love—give the rest to others
#39 The more you give the more you get back
#40 Take off the medals—it shouldn’t be that hard
67
5
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
68
#31 Learn to let go
I have a friend who was always successful in business and
became very wealthy. Then, through a series of misfortunes, his
business failed and he went broke. He has never got over it.
Although at the time of his business failure he was quite young
and easily had the ability, the resourcefulness and the ideas to
start again, he turned into a bitter and angry man who blamed
the world for his loss.
Holding on to past failures and mistakes takes a lot of
energy. One of the best lessons I have learned, not only in
business but also in life, has been the art of letting go.
It’s hard to find a new lover if you are eaten up with anger
and resentment towards the ex who broke your heart. You
might not even realise that you are still holding the flame.
How can you build a successful business, then, if you are still
bitter and twisted about losing the last one? You struggle on
day after day, trying to make it work and wondering why it
doesn’t, and all the while this very struggle to succeed reinforces
and perpetuates the bitterness.
A long time ago I had a business partner who took literally
everything I owned. He left me with a pile of debts and a
battered and bruised ego. I spent many years feeling really
angry with him, thinking about how to get revenge. Then one
morning I woke up and realised how much energy it was
taking to hold on to this anger so tightly. I was physically
suffering from my rage—I had boils all over my body, I wasn’t
sleeping, I was short-tempered and unhappy. That morning
I decided to just let it all go, to learn from the situation, and
to put a little faith in the universe and the law of karma. The
change was amazing—my boils cleared up within a few days,
I started to sleep like a baby and my whole disposition lightened
so I could enjoy life again.
It’s easy to find reasons to be bitter and twisted; I know
I have plenty. My parents abandoned my sister and me when
BEWARE THE ENERGY DRAIN
69
we were infants. It would have been easy to harbour anger
towards them but I learned to understand why they did it,
to empathise with a young couple—no more than kids
themselves—who found themselves in a bad relationship.
They did what they thought was best at the time—they left
us with someone more able to look after us. If they hadn’t
done so, would I have gone on to become a bestselling
author, successful entrepreneur and leader in my community?
Somehow, I doubt it. So I am actually grateful that my
parents left us.
The realisation that my parents’ actions had enabled me to
succeed was life-changing. Instead of struggling with feelings
of resentment and abandonment I could simply be grateful.
But this required me to look long and hard at the issue and
think about it from a very different point of view, and then to
simply get over it.
Identifying the issues you are holding on to that are draining
you of energy is the first step to letting them go. Then you
have to ask yourself two questions. First, what have you got
to gain by holding on to this issue? And what have you got to
gain by letting it go? For example, if you have been hurt in a
previous relationship you can choose to hold back and never
get close to anyone again. The upside is that you won’t get
hurt. The downside is that you will be really lonely, living a
shallow and joyless life without the highs and lows of a close
and intimate relationship.
Or, in a business context, if a member of your staff steals
from you, it’s easy to decide that you will never trust another
employee. Worse still, you might start to imagine that everyone
is trying to steal from you. You will become paranoid and
spend all of your energy worrying about this issue. But how
can you grow your business if you don’t empower people and
trust them to do the right thing?
Learning how to let go is a valuable lesson in life. It takes so
much energy to hold on to negative issues.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
70
What can I do today?
Have you got one issue in your business or personal life that
you are not letting go of when, deep down, you really know
you should? Today, look at the situation from a different
perspective, and let it go once and for all.
BEWARE THE ENERGY DRAIN
71
#32 Master the art of saying no
Being responsible for everyone and everything is exhausting.
Business owners often assume responsibility way beyond the
call of duty, and this can become extremely stressful. A
comment that I hear frequently from business owners is that
they are tired of being responsible for everything to do with
the business.
At the end of the day, however, you are responsible for
everything to do with your business, but it is up to you how
you interpret this responsibility. In fact, you need to share the
responsibility around and empower others to take some of it
from your shoulders.
This can be a little tricky at first, especially for the business
owner who has developed the habit of saying yes to everything.
Many of the tips in this book discuss ways to share the load,
but the most powerful tool to ease the energy drain associated
with responsibility overload is learning to say no. Let me show
you how I did it.
I do a lot of public speaking and have a relatively high
profile in my home city. The problem with this is that I am
frequently asked to do free speaking jobs for charities and
other organisations like universities and business groups. Often
when I am asked I am put on the spot. In the past I didn’t feel
that I could say no. Then it felt like an extra commitment that
really stressed me out and added to my already considerable
workload. I always used to kick myself after I’d agreed to one
of these engagements, but I didn’t know how to stop this from
happening.
Now I have a system that works fantastically for me.
Whenever someone asks me to speak to their organisation,
whether they ask me face to face, over the phone or by email, I
never commit to an engagement on the spot. I always say that
I have to check my diary and other commitments first and that
it might take me a day or two to get back to them. This gives
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
72
me a little breathing space to decide if it is something I can do
and, more importantly, something I want to do. If the answer
to either of these is no, I call the person back and tell them that
I can’t do the event.
I can’t overstate how much pressure this has taken off me.
I follow this system with virtually every request for my time
in my business life. You can also develop similar habits and
buffers that simply give you room to properly consider a
request on your time.
Learning to say no will certainly have a major impact on
the day-to-day responsibilities and demands that so often cause
undue stress and prevent any form of balance in our lives.
Master the art of saying no and your life will change.
What can I do today?
Buy the book How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty by Patti
Breitman and Connie Hatch. This book will certainly help
you to overcome the impulse to say yes. In addition, work out
your own system that will work for you so that you can start
to say no more often.
BEWARE THE ENERGY DRAIN
73
#33 Separate work from home—relationship issues
Sometimes your business isn’t the culprit for the lack of balance
in your life. There is nothing more draining than the emotional
confrontations that occur when you have relationship
issues. Splitting up with a partner is considered by many to be
the most stressful situation you will experience, apart from
terminal illness. This is multiplied tenfold if you and your
partner work together in your business.
I experienced this first hand: I started a business with my
then wife, and later we went through a separation and subsequent
divorce while still working together. Somehow we got
through it and we remain close, but I have to say it was
extremely difficult for both of us at various times.
You need to find a way to prevent relationship issues
impacting on your business life. The key is to separate the
two areas of your life. It isn’t easy, especially if you also work
together, so you need to work on it at a very conscious level.
I try to have a ‘business head’ and a ‘home head’. When
I step into my business I am the owner, the driver, the visionary,
the person with whom the buck stops. At home I am a
partner, a contributor, an equal and, most significantly,
a human being, with all of the associated strengths and weaknesses.
This separation of home and business roles has always
worked well for me.
That said, I believe very strongly that you will never find
balance in your life if you have unresolved problems in your
relationship. Rather than rambling along, address the issues
head-on and try to solve them. The longer they are left
unchecked the more energy they will take from you (and your
partner), and other areas of your life will lose their sparkle.
Over time, it is easy to sink into a depressing and loveless
relationship and life. Not a nice place to be.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
74
What can I do today?
Are your relationship problems throwing your life out of
balance? Ultimately, it will take much more energy to keep
fighting than it will to address the issues, one way or another.
Learning to separate your home life and your business life by
changing your ‘heads’ can help but, more importantly, if you
have a problem, find the courage to front it.
BEWARE THE ENERGY DRAIN
75
#34 If you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas
Throughout this book I have emphasised the importance of
keeping negativity at bay as a mechanism for bringing balance
back into your life. It is certainly one of the main themes,
and for very good reason. Tip #18 introduced the idea of
identifying those people who cause you problems and the
importance of keeping them out of your life. This tip is an
extension of this idea, focusing on identifying people that
drain you of energy.
One of the surest ways to succeed in whatever it is you
do is to surround yourself with positive, motivated and likeminded
people. This doesn’t happen by accident; it requires a
very clear desire to achieve your goals, whatever they are, and
the resolve to distance yourself from anyone who tries to steal
your dreams.
I travel a lot and get to meet many people from all walks of
life. Some are building massive empires, some are building
small businesses from home. Yet the common topic of discussion
is always the importance of having good people in your
life to help you achieve your goals.
So what do I mean by good people? Put simply, it means
those people who will support and encourage you to achieve
your dreams no matter what. They will not try to talk you out
of your dreams or let their own fears and insecurities come to
the surface. Having people like this in your life is incredibly
empowering and I believe they can help you to do anything
you want.
When I wrote my first book, 101 Ways to Market Your
Business, and I was toying with the idea of trying to get it
published, there were two kinds of people in my life. The first
said, ‘Go for it’—they believed in me and my passion. The
second said, ‘Don’t waste your time—there are so many
marketing books published already, you will never get yours
published and it will only lead to disappointment’. For a while
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
76
the dream-stealers had an influence on me, but luckily I didn’t
listen to them in the end.
Sadly, not everyone wants to see you achieve or grow. Even
for those closest to you it can be a little scary. They may be
afraid that they will lose you or that you will outgrow them.
Others may feel resentful that you are achieving your goals
when they are not.
From my experience, and from the amazing diversity of
people that I am lucky enough to meet on a regular basis,
I have come to believe in this above all else: surround yourself
with powerful, dynamic and loving people who support you
and your dreams, and your chances of achieving them will be
increased dramatically. Otherwise, get yourself a good flea
collar!
What can I do today?
Can you identify one person who really brings you down? Who
always manages to find fault with everything in their life and
yours, and every time you see them you dread the coming
moanathon? Right here, right now, work out how you will get
this person out of your life.
BEWARE THE ENERGY DRAIN
77
#35 Managing money issues
There are two kinds of businesses—those that have had money
problems and those that will have money worries. It is a simple
fact of doing business that sooner or later you will run into
financial problems. A good friend of mine has been in business
for over 30 years. About five years ago, at the age of 55, he
almost went broke. I was amazed at how calmly he told me
this story. Today he is the major shareholder and CEO of a
company that turns over $300 million per annum. That is the
fickle nature of business. I have had financial ups and downs
over the years and I expect to have more. That said, I have
learned a few things about dealing with money problems.
Here are a few of my tips for avoiding financial problems:
• Keep great records and enlist an excellent bookkeeper. Know
exactly how much it costs to run your business each day,
month and year. This gives you a target to aim for.
• Learn to manage your cash flow—it will break you if you
don’t manage it properly.
• Don’t spend the money before it arrives. You haven’t got it
till it is in your account.
• Work out if you are making money on the products or
services you are selling. You might think you are, but on
closer inspection you may find that you are not.
If you do get into financial trouble, which means you are
having difficulty paying your bills, these five tips will help you
to get out of danger:
1. Be honest with yourself about the situation. Don’t ignore
it or believe that some magical event will happen to fix
everything. The sooner you face it the better.
2. Get some advice. Professional advisors won’t judge you,
they are there to help. There are always options, even if it
doesn’t feel like it right now.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
78
3. Talk to a friend or mentor in business—odds on they have
been through the same thing and they may be able to give
you some really practical and helpful information. Plus it
helps to be able to talk about your problems.
4. Communicate to your creditors what the situation is and
what you are doing about it.
5. Generally you will find that you have two very simple
choices—reduce expenses or increase income. Ideally, do
both. Having just two simple areas to focus on often makes
managing the issues much easier.
And remember: worrying about money won’t do much
except give you an ulcer and turn your hair grey—it certainly
won’t make the money come in.
What can I do today?
If money isn’t a problem, congratulations—but don’t get too
complacent. If you are seriously worried about money, follow
my tips and do something about it. Believe me, you will feel
much better knowing you are taking proactive steps to resolve
the situation.
BEWARE THE ENERGY DRAIN
79
#36 Don’t be afraid to sack some customers
One of the main reasons I chose to have my own business is
so that I can decide who I do business with (and who I don’t).
Some people are just too much hard work as customers. Sometimes
the old saying, ‘the customer is always right’, is really wrong.
Over the years that I have been consulting I have learned
to be a good judge of character. When meeting potential
clients for the first time I look at it as an interview—for them
and for me. I listen to my gut instinct about the client. Are
we on the same wavelength? Are they clear on what they
want? Do I think we can work together? If I can’t answer yes
to these questions, then I prefer to be upfront and honest
rather than try to make it work. So I suggest that they go elsewhere.
It saves me a lot of time, energy and heartache in the
long run.
Likewise there are times when a relationship with a client
changes and no longer works. If they keep haggling over price,
become unreasonably demanding or don’t communicate effectively,
it is time to move on. I have ‘sacked’ clients on a number
of occasions. It was very satisfying and gave me a healthy sense
of self-respect.
My marketing company used to have the advertising
account for a large shopping centre. It was the account that
everyone in town wanted. It was lots of work and carried
enough prestige to make me feel good about it. But the client
was extremely demanding, needing everything in very short
and generally unrealistic time frames. They constantly bartered
with us to get the work done cheaper and often they were very
slow to pay.
So I did a review of the account and came up with some
interesting realisations:
• We didn’t actually make any profit out of the account.
• It stressed out everyone in the office.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
80
• We couldn’t take on more profitable work because all of
our resources were tied up with this one account.
• We had no long-term security, as the client would not sign
a contract.
Having done that review, I made the decision to resign the
account. It was one of the smartest business moves I have ever
made. I replaced this account with four new clients, generating
four times the revenue for the same energy input. Don’t get
me wrong—to resign this account I was saying goodbye to
over 70 per cent of the business’s monthly income. But it was
profitless volume, with little or no satisfaction, and ultimately
I risked losing my best staff out of frustration with managing
the account.
Some customers aren’t worth having. If they cost you more
in energy, time and satisfaction than they bring in, say goodbye,
in the nicest possible way, of course.
What can I do today?
Do you have any customers that need to be sacked? Do a
thorough review of those that are marginal and decide if it is
costing too much for you to keep them. Give them a chance
to change the situation, but don’t be afraid to let them go.
BEWARE THE ENERGY DRAIN
81
#37 The torture of perfection
Being a perfectionist is hard work, and often those of us
afflicted with this trait struggle when working with people who
don’t meet our expectations. I am certainly a perfectionist in
many aspects of my work. I have tried to change but it just
won’t stick. However, it can be very draining (and unrealistic!)
to try to make everything 100 per cent right all of the time.
Many small business owners are perfectionists. However,
we must learn to compromise in some way, otherwise we’ll
drive ourselves—and those around us—insane.
As much as I struggle with the idea, sometimes near enough
is good enough. It is simply too challenging to make every
single aspect of a business perfect, especially when there are
other people involved and their perception of what is acceptable
is in all likelihood completely different from yours.
So how do we perfectionists overcome this issue? The
following tips have worked for me:
• I always communicate very clearly what I expect in terms
of the products and services that we deliver.
• I make a mental priority scale of what is really important
and what is not, and I focus my perfectionist tendencies on
the really important stuff.
• I have learned to accept that, while other people may do
things differently, that doesn’t mean they are wrong.
• I closely monitor customer feedback regarding quality
control. This will tell me if things are slipping.
• Sometimes I just walk away—let the individuals do what
they do and don’t get involved.
It is great to be good at what you do. It is even better to be
really committed to producing the very best quality products
and services you can. But at some stage, you have to learn to
let go and accept that perfection is nice, but excellence is OK.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
82
What can I do today?
If you are a perfectionist this tip will have struck a chord with
you. Try my tips and see if they work for you. The more you
apply them the easier they will become and, most importantly,
the more accepting you will become. Then you can use this
excess energy to get a life!
BEWARE THE ENERGY DRAIN
83
#38 Do the work you love—give the rest to others
One of the most draining aspects of running a business can be
doing the jobs you hate. We all have these dreaded tasks. Some
may relate to the type of work you do, while others may be
day-to-day tasks required to run the business.
I loathe bookwork, always have, always will. I have no
desire to get all touchy feely with it and overcome my arch
nemesis. Instead, I outsource it with very clear instructions
on what I want and when I want it. I can’t describe the relief
I felt when I first outsourced my bookkeeping. Sure, there
have been a few hiccups over the years, but far fewer than if I
were doing it.
I believe that, as a business owner, you need to be able to
do a bit of the picking and choosing in your life, even if the
business is just you. Outsource what you don’t like (and
probably don’t do very well anyway).
Often your role in the business changes as the business
grows. You may have started out doing what you love, but now
find yourself stuck in the office looking at spreadsheets instead
of being on the floor and doing the work or dealing with the
customers directly. You may need to rethink the way you run
your business to get back to doing the things you really enjoy
and are good at.
In order to get energised I need to work on challenging
projects. For me, being pushed and challenged is really important
for job satisfaction. Luckily I can pick and choose my
projects, or sometimes they pick me.
I think more small business owners should give away the
day-to-day tasks that drive them crazy, and instead spend their
time making money and doing what they love. Now, how energising
does that sound?
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
84
What can I do today?
Do you get to pick the good jobs? Do you try to do day-to-day
tasks that drive you crazy? Today, decide what type of work you
love and arrange it so that you do that. Then outsource or
delegate any jobs that you are doing now that drive you crazy.
You will benefit and so will your business.
BEWARE THE ENERGY DRAIN
85
#39 The more you give the more you get back
There is something really positive and energising about
working with those less fortunate than ourselves or helping
people in some way. I strongly recommend giving some of your
valuable time to helping others. It serves a number of purposes,
not the least of which is a reminder that your own life is not as
bad as you sometimes may think it is.
Now I know that when you are struggling to find the time
to spend with the family, or you are working 12 hours a day,
the concept of spending time in a soup kitchen might seem a
little crazy. But it is amazing therapy and you will be surprised
how good it can make you feel.
Although this tip is about finding balance I would just like
to add that I have met most of my largest clients while doing
free work for various charity-based organisations. This is where
you meet like-minded people. So while giving some of your
time will definitely nurture your soul, you may even find that
it gives the bank account a little nudge at the same time.
What can I do today?
Get involved in your community. Offer some time or resources
within your business to help improve the quality of other
people’s lives. This will make you feel fantastic, make others
respect you and your business, and will ultimately help to
improve your business–life balance.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
86
#40 Take off the medals—it shouldn’t be that hard
There is a perception among business owners and even in
the wider community that running a business is really hard
—that you have to work long hours and, in all likelihood,
make very little money. While I do agree with this at times,
running a business shouldn’t be like that, and it is up to us as
business owners to change that perception, in both ourselves
and others.
The notion that you deserve a medal for running your own
business actively encourages this misery mentality. I see a lot of
business owners complaining about the sacrifices they have
made to have the business. Who cares? It was their choice in
the first place. But get a group of business owners together and
you’ve often got an instant moanathon, where all the woes of
the small business world are aired, which helps to keep the
notion in play.
It is good to be able to talk to other small business owners
about the challenges we all face, but we need to balance this
by also acknowledging the rewards we enjoy at the same time.
As small business owners we need to collectively change the
way we think about what we do for a living. If we keep telling
ourselves and others how tough it is, that’s the way it will be.
Every time you hear yourself starting the ‘being a small
business owner is really hard’ speech, stop and change your
mental wording. Feel free to discuss the challenges, but spend
more time talking about the upside of being a business owner.
It’s interesting to see the impact that this has on other people:
often they start to appreciate the positive aspects of their businesses
much more.
So I am recruiting you to start challenging the perception
that small business owners are a poor, tragic lot suffering great
hardships, and concentrate on becoming the ideal of a powerful,
in-control and successful small business owner.
BEWARE THE ENERGY DRAIN
87
What can I do today?
Write two lists. On one, note all the issues that you find challenging
in your business, and on the other write down all of the
rewards you enjoy. Next time you sense an opportunity to
discuss how tough small business is, resist and talk about all of
the positives. Over time it will become a habit that will make
you feel better each time you hear the words leave your mouth.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
88
Action page—What I need to do to regain balance in
my life
It’s all about people
and relationships
Relationships play a major role in adding to the day-to-day stress
faced by most business owners. Spend a little time with any group
of business owners and you will hear the same sorts of complaints
about how hard it is to find good staff, how difficult customers are,
that the family doesn’t offer support and the suppliers continually
fail to deliver on their promises.
In many cases relationships, or more specifically inability to
manage relationships, can be the main cause of business stress.
There are a host of courses to teach us how to balance our books
but there aren’t a lot of courses for business owners on how to build
and keep good relationships.
This section looks at some of the most common relationship
issues facing business owners and offers advice on how to overcome
them. The messages can be applied to both professional and
personal relationships.
#41 The power of expectations and how to manage them
#42 Do a relationship audit
#43 Understand that relationships have cycles and sometimes
have to end
#44 The art of empathy
#45 Resolve issues quickly before they get out of hand
#46 Get out of your comfort zone—mix in new circles
89
6
#47 Building relationships takes time and energy
#48 Commit to becoming a communication guru
#49 Realise that other people may not share your enthusiasm
towards your business
#50 Use counselling to resolve any relationship issue, not just
issues between loved ones
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
90
#41 The power of expectations and how to manage
them
When I was writing a book on customer service (101 Ways to
Really Satisfy Your Customers), I spent a lot of time pondering
the complex relationship between customers and businesses in
an attempt to simplify the key aspects involved in this relationship.
Building relationships with customers to ensure they
keep coming back is the key to creating a successful business,
and these are my three requirements for building exceptional
relationships:
1. Know what your customer’s expectations are.
2. Without failure, meet these expectations.
3. Where possible, exceed these expectations.
The surprising realisation for me is that virtually every
relationship—not just that between business owner and
customer—can be guided to success by following the same
guidelines. The key step is the first requirement—knowing
what their expectations are. If we don’t know what people
expect from us, how can we possibly give it to them? Generally
we anticipate, guess and assume what others’ expectations may
be, but these are little more than stabs in the dark. Sometimes
we might get it right, but more often we will get it wrong.
I have become a big believer in taking the time to properly
clarify the expectations of anyone with whom I have a relationship.
In most instances, this also gives me the opportunity to
clarify my expectations (after all, these are relationships—it’s
a two-way street). A major cause of relationship breakdown
is misunderstanding, usually resulting from a failure to
clarify what the other person expects from the relationship
or interaction.
For example, when I decide to run with a new supplier, I sit
down with them, spell out what I expect from them in terms
IT’S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS
91
of quality control, adhering to time frames, response time to
requests for quotes, and related issues. At the same time I
clearly point out what we will do from our end in terms of
payment terms, placing the order, reaching sales quotas, and so
on. Then I reiterate in an email what we have agreed upon,
so there is no room for misunderstanding. From here, all we
have to do is meet each other’s expectations and the relationship
will be fine. Even if there is the odd hiccup, no harm will
be done as long we both communicate openly and the incident
is an exception rather than the norm.
What can I do today?
Do you define your expectations in relationships? Do you
know what your expectations actually are? From today, take the
time to clarify what you expect in relationships and what you
will give in return. This deceptively simple tip can be applied
to all relationships in your life.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
92
#42 Do a relationship audit
Often we don’t take the time to really think about our relationships
with the people outside of our immediate family and
close friends. By these I mean the relationships we have with
staff, customers, suppliers, professional advisers, and so forth.
Often we spend more time with these people than our families
yet we don’t really think the health of these relationships
through.
A while back I made up a list of the key people in my
professional and personal life. It was a long list, but I narrowed
it down to the 20 most influential people. The list included
family members, workmates, friends, suppliers, and so on.
Next to each name I added three columns. In one column I
wrote what I liked about the relationship, in the second column
I noted problems in the relationship, and in the last column I
described how I would like the relationship to change.
This exercise had a very significant impact on me and on
these relationships. First, it made me take the time to stop and
actually think about each of them. Second, it made me appreciate
the aspects of the relationships that I liked. Importantly,
it also let me put into words what I didn’t like. And finally,
it enabled me to clarify how I would like these relationships
to evolve.
The end result has been more open and honest relationships
with virtually everyone in my life. It is amazing how
much stress can be removed from your life when you can fully
express yourself. There are far fewer frustrations, confrontations
and ‘sticky moments’.
Often this simple act of analysis will solve many frustrations
that you may be experiencing in a relationship. It works
because your brain now has a way of understanding and translating
the issues that have been causing you grief.
After some practice you may find that you can do a relationship
audit in your head, without the need to write it down.
IT’S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS
93
It is a quick and effective tool for clarifying why some relationships
aren’t working and what you need to do about it.
Then you can start working towards making it happen.
What can I do today?
Make up a list of the most influential relationships in your life
and do your own relationship audit on each of them. Once you
have worked out exactly where these relationships are today,
and where you would like them to be, you can start working
towards making the necessary changes. If your list is too long,
pick the top five to get started and work your way through the
other names as your time and energy permit. Ideally, work
towards being able to conduct a quick mental relationship
audit.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
94
#43 Understand that relationships have cycles and
sometimes have to end
Most of us have experienced the warmth and passion of the
early stages of a relationship, the trust and the security of a
long-term relationship, and the sadness and sense of loss when
a relationship ends. We know that personal relationships often
follow these cycles.
Relationships have cycles because people change over time.
The person you are today is most certainly different to the
person you were ten years ago. As you change, sometimes you
outgrow the people around you, to the point where you may
find you have little in common with friends you may have had
for years. Less effort is made to catch up and slowly the friendship
fades away.
Just as our personal relationships go through these cycles,
it’s important to understand that the same principle applies to
all of our relationships. While these changes don’t necessarily
mean that all relationships need to end, sadly some certainly
do. The tricky part is knowing which ones need to end and
which ones don’t.
Personally, I don’t like negative people and I do my utmost
to keep them out of my life. When people enter a negative zone
in their lives, I am understanding, but sometimes it reaches a
point where I have to say enough is enough.
This may sound harsh, but we all need to be careful of
getting caught up in negative, energy-sapping relationships.
These people love having an ear to complain to. If you are
surrounded by them, you will get dragged down. How can you
have balance in your life if it is filled with negativity?
On a number of occasions I have ‘sacked’ clients (I talk
about this in more detail in tip #36). The relationship was just
too demanding, too one-sided and just plain hard. When this
occurred I called the clients in, sat them down and explained
that I didn’t want to do their work anymore, for all of the above
IT’S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS
95
reasons. In each case I felt a great sense of self-respect and pride
for having been strong enough to say that this relationship no
longer serves me and that I don’t want it or need it. Generally
the client was shocked, but I am sure that most of them have
heard it before, because they are difficult people in all that
they do.
If you are struggling to find a sense of balance in your life,
have a look at your relationships. Are some of the people
closest to you obsessed with the misery of life, and always
complaining? These could be customers, staff, suppliers,
business partners or friends. Perhaps today is the day to sit
down and say a few home truths about how you are feeling.
A word of warning: when these relationships end, they
rarely end well. It won’t be easy. You need to choose how you
will finish a relationship that has reached its use-by date. You
can let it die a slow, painful death or you can take control
and nip it in the bud now. The point I want to make is that
generally ending a negative relationship won’t be easy.
What can I do today?
Look at the relationships in your life. Is there one particular
relationship that is causing you a lot of grief and stress? Can
this relationship be fixed? If not, how can you end it and get
on with your life?
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
96
#44 The art of empathy
One of the best skills that I have learned that has not only
helped me to build better relationships but also to reduce stress
in my life is how to be more empathic. To me this means the
ability to put myself in the shoes of the other person and look
at the situation from their point of view.
It is an interesting exercise, and one that we all need to do
a little more often, especially when we are feeling overwhelmed
by events going on around us. When you make the conscious
decision to think about a situation from the other person’s
perspective it takes you out of your own, stressed-out head and
lets you see the situation in a way that may not have occurred
to you before.
Being empathic generally makes us more compassionate,
more understanding and more tolerant—not feelings we necessarily
experience often in an increasingly chaotic world.
So, how do you become more empathic? Like most things
in life worth learning, it takes some time and energy. If a difficult
situation arises, instead of simply reacting with anger
or frustration, stop and take a moment to start thinking
empathically. Ask for time to think the matter over. Try to
ignore your own feelings for a moment and look at the situation
from the other person’s perspective. How would you feel
if you were in their shoes? Are their problems, complaints or
actions reasonable? You might come full circle and end up
back where you started, but at least you will have thought the
situation through fully.
With empathy comes understanding, and I have learned this
from some quite exceptional business people. It is the basic principle
of great salesmanship; it is the force behind humanitarian
movements the world over. Empathy is powerful stuff, but how
does it help us to reduce stress and improve relationships? It
shifts the centre of our universe (being us) to another point,
and this gives us a very fresh view of the situation at hand.
IT’S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS
97
Just as it is hard to feel pain when you laugh, it is hard to
be stressed out and angry when you look at any situation with
empathy. Try it—I guarantee that you will be surprised by how
calming it is.
What can I do today?
Think about a relationship that is causing you a lot of stress at
the moment. Now, you know how you feel about what is going
on, but try to think about the problem from their point of
view. How would you feel in the same situation? Are you being
reasonable, or have you overreacted? Do you really understand
the situation fully or do you need more information? By taking
this empathic approach you will feel calmer, be more likely to
resolve the situation and ideally be one step closer to finding
some balance in your life.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
98
#45 Resolve issues quickly before they get out
of hand
At a difficult time in my marriage, my wife and I had fights
that would last for days. Both of us would dish out the silent
treatment, even long after we had forgotten the reason for the
fight in the first place. Of course, I always thought I was right
and Carolyne always thought she was right. Not a very good
way to resolve an argument.
We sought the help of a psychiatrist to help us work
through this issue. He walked us through the entire argument
process and explained why neither of us was prepared to back
down or surrender (it was a power struggle) even though the
ongoing fights were making us both unhappy. Then he taught
us a technique to stop conflict from escalating. It was surprisingly
simple but the results were miraculous. I have since tried
to use this approach in all areas of my life, not just at home.
The key is that one party needs to apologise first and fast—
even if they do not believe they are the one in the ‘wrong’. Now
this can be tough to do, but believe me it gets easier the more
often you do it. So each time Carolyne and I had an argument
we took it in turns to be the first one to apologise. Importantly,
we usually apologised within minutes of the argument starting.
We could then actually talk about the issue in a calm and
loving way, rather than letting the anger build and then
blurting out hurtful things at each other.
The same principle applies to any kind of relationship, not
just intimate relationships. If we let things stew and build, we
tend to explode rather than explain. It is much better to raise
an issue early, as soon as it appears. Try not to assign blame—
put the issue out there first and then work together for ways to
resolve it. It really does work.
A lot of stress and angst results from a sense of not being
able to express how you are feeling because you are afraid of
having an argument that could get out of control. Open and
IT’S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS
99
honest dialogue is essential, and this can only happen when
you act quickly and unemotionally. A much better option than
going on a tirade after a few drinks at the Christmas party
because you have reached boiling point.
While my marriage didn’t last, Carolyne and I are very close
friends to this day and talk often about this defusing process
and the way it continues to make our lives and our relationships
better.
What can I do today?
Are issues building between you and someone close to you?
Does this stress you out and add to an overall sense of dissatisfaction
with life? Defuse the situation today before it gets any
worse. Sit down with the person and talk about the issues as
you see them, and try to work through a way to resolve them
and move on with your life.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
100
#46 Get out of your comfort zone—mix in new
circles
If you want to make small changes in your life, a few adjustments
here and there should do it. But if you feel that your
life is so out of balance and out of control that you could
just scream, little nudges just won’t do. If you want to make
big changes in your life, you will need to start doing things
very differently.
Remember that you don’t just get out of bed one day to
find that your life is so out of balance that it feels like your
world is collapsing. These problems will have built up over
time. Many factors in your life will have played a part. In
particular, the people around you have a huge impact on your
state of mind and emotional wellbeing.
How do you know if you have the wrong kind of people in
your life? If they have been around for years they will feel really
comfortable, like a well worn pair of jeans, even if deep down
you know that you don’t look as good in them as you did ten
years ago.
The best way to find out if you have the right people in
your life is to meet others and do a comparison. Break out of
the old, safe routines and patterns that have got you to this
difficult point and start to expand your horizons. You have to
get out of your comfort zone and meet new people.
Of course, when you feel like your life is out of control the
last thing you will want to do is spend time expanding your
circle of friends, associates and business contacts. You will find
a million reasons not to break out of your comfort zone, but
now is the time to make the effort to change things in your life.
When my business was at its most out of control I joined
a gym—and went three times a week. It was great to be
surrounded by motivated, energetic people all trying to
improve themselves and get more out of life. This started
to rub off on me. Soon I was much more energised and positive
IT’S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS
101
in every interaction I had with people. I had more enthusiasm
for what I was doing and I most certainly managed to think
a heck of a lot clearer. There are only upsides—financially,
and in your health and happiness—to mixing with a new circle
of people.
So, depending on what aspect of your life you need to get
back under control, get out, meet new people and you will
be astonished by the effect a fresh perspective will have on
your life.
What can I do today?
Identify one way to meet new people, whether it be for your
business or social life, and commit to it. It may feel a little
awkward and uncomfortable at first, but work through that
and see what comes out at the other end.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
102
#47 Building relationships takes time and energy
Most people know that building better relationships requires a
commitment of time and energy. But when you are stressed
out, working really long hours, under financial pressure and
struggling to stay on top of things, the idea of taking time
out to build relationships just keeps slipping down your list
of priorities.
One example of this is delegation. Clearly, if you can
delegate some of your responsibilities life will become a little
easier, but it takes time to delegate and to teach other people
the skills or the systems required to take on particular tasks. In
the midst of a typically crazy day you probably think, ‘It will
be easier to do it myself ’. So that is what you do, taking on
more and more responsibility every day until you reach
breaking point.
I know first hand how easy it is to prioritise tasks over
people. I tend to start work earlier than everyone else in my
business. It gives me a little quiet time before the phone starts
to ring and the demands of the day kick in. From about 8 a.m.
my team starts to arrive. They like to drop into my office to
say hello and have a chat about the day ahead. This used to
drive me crazy—I had already been working for at least an
hour and was trying to beat the clock to get things done.
I came to dread the sound of the front door of the office
opening because I knew that it meant I would spend the next
hour being distracted.
I looked at this hour as a waste of my time, but I also knew
that the people I worked with needed the interaction, some
social chitchat and a chance to ask questions and plan for
the day ahead. In spite of this, I was getting more and more
frustrated until one day my frustration reached overload. At
this point I knew that I had to change my attitude and decided
to look at this one hour as an opportunity, not an irritation. I
decided that every day from 8 a.m. till 9 a.m. I wouldn’t plan
IT’S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS
103
anything other than meeting and greeting my team, planning
the projects for the day ahead and generally getting to know
everyone a little better. I decided to enjoy this time instead of
resenting it. And what a change this has made. Now I look
forward to everyone arriving, communication works at a much
higher level, projects run more smoothly, issues are sorted out
faster, and we all feel much closer.
Again, the shift required is a mental one. Look at the time
spent building relationships as an investment, not a chore. The
stronger your relationship with your customers the more loyal
they will be. The stronger your relationship with your staff
the more likely they will do the extra things that will make
your life easier.
Regardless of the desired outcome, a relationship of any
sort is like a flower: it takes time and the right environment to
grow. Look at the time and energy spent building relationships
as an investment in you.
What can I do today?
Do you have any situations in your life that you could turn
from a perceived waste of time to an opportunity to build
stronger relationships? This could relate to your staff, your
suppliers, your customers or your family. The change required
is internal. It will take some adjustments and you may slip up
from time to time. Remind yourself why you are making the
time to build these relationships and understand that it is part
of bringing your business and your life back into balance.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
104
#48 Commit to becoming a communication guru
I love communication—written, visual, oral, the lot. I have
always been extremely passionate about understanding the role
of communication in both my professional and personal life.
Communication is the key to many of the tips in this book,
and I have observed time and time again that successful
business owners are good communicators. They may be good
talkers, good writers, good listeners or all three, but the end
result is that people enjoy their company and they tend to
attract good people into their lives.
So what has this got to do with balancing your business and
your life? Put simply, the more effectively you can communicate
the more manageable your relationships will become. If
you can build effective relationships with customers, staff and
everyone you deal with on a daily basis, ultimately every aspect
of your life will become less stressful.
So, the challenge is to become a better communicator.
How do you go about this? There are a number of ways. First,
there are many excellent books on the topic. As mentioned
elsewhere in this book, the one I love the most is Dale
Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People—a classic
book with a not-so-classic title. If you only read one book, let
it be this one (I read it every year at Christmas). It will teach
you more about communication than any other book on
the market. There are many other excellent books on body
language, presenting, writing and everything in between. Refer
to the recommended reading section at the back of this book
for some suggestions. There are also websites available that
specialise in improving communication at every level.
In addition, there are courses available on communication,
both privately and in government-run organisations. These
tend to address specific areas, but any way of improving your
communication skills can only have positive benefits.
IT’S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS
105
Becoming a better communicator will affect your business
on many levels and have a flow-on effect. Working on communication
will help to bring your life and your business back into
equilibrium.
What can I do today?
Commit to improving your communication skills. Start by
buying Dale Carnegie’s famous book or enrolling in a public
speaking course. There are lots of options to choose from, but
the most important part is making the commitment today.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
106
#49 Realise that other people may not share your
enthusiasm towards your business
Obsessiveness about what we do is often disguised as passion,
a characteristic that we admire in people. Business owners tend
to become a little obsessed with their businesses, and as a result
their lives—and their conversation—start to revolve around
the business. Unfortunately, their family and friends may not
share the desire to talk incessantly about the business. For some
business owners this can at first be a little hurtful—why can’t
they share our enthusiasm?
As a serial entrepreneur who simply can’t help himself, I
have learned to recognise the telltale sign when people’s eyes
start to glaze over as I wax lyrical about a project that I am
working on (the sound of snoring is also a dead giveaway).
I use this as a reminder that not everyone shares the same
degree of passion about developing a marketing plan for a law
firm as I do, and that maybe it is time to get out of my business
a little and back into the real world.
It is important to have some positive outlets for the stress of
running a business. Holding on to stress is one reason that we
get out of balance in the first place. But you need to pick the
place, the time and the people. Make sure there are people in
your life who you can talk to about your business and that
there are other people who are just friends, who love you for
who you are, not what you do.
I try to go camping at least once a year with a few friends,
each of whom owns their own business. One is a security
guard, one is a plumber and one is a handyman. Surprisingly,
when we go camping we talk about fishing, the weather, sport,
politics, girls and just about any other topic apart from our
businesses. This is very therapeutic for each of us. If I have
business issues that I need to talk about, I have other friends I
can talk to.
IT’S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS
107
Don’t get upset when other people don’t share your
enthusiasm; instead, use it as a reminder to have a life outside
of your business. Be aware of what is going on in the world and
in other people’s lives. It will be better for you and your
business in the long run.
What can I do today?
Since becoming a business owner, have you lost a number of
friends because you are too busy to make time to socialise? Pick
up the phone, reconnect and remember that there is a lot more
to life other than your business. Taking your mind off your
business for a while is a very positive thing to do, and you will
be able to return to your responsibilities recharged.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
108
#50 Use counselling to resolve any relationship issue,
not just issues between loved ones
People often think of relationship counselling as only applicable
to couples with marital issues, but counselling can be
helpful for any relationship. One of the greatest frustrations in
dealing with a troubled relationship is not knowing how to fix
it. We assign blame (it can’t be my fault!), we get defensive, hurt
and angry. It’s very difficult to resolve a situation from this
position.
A neutral third party offering simple, practical advice can
really work wonders. They can take the emotion out of the
situation and make it more analytical. I know that I don’t have
the skills to understand or resolve every relationship issue so,
just as I would see a lawyer with a legal issue, I see a psychologist
or counsellor for a people issue.
Several years ago I sold part of my company to a long-time
friend (who used to be my boss), Neil Swann. We were both a
little concerned about working together, worried that it might
damage a very strong friendship. We also knew that we needed
a strategy to help us resolve the issues that can arise in any
business. So, we enlisted the help of a mutual (but independent)
friend, Phil Colbert.
Phil was given the role of mediator, confidant and advisor
and, most importantly, the deciding vote on issues that Neil
and I could not agree upon. We had a contract drawn up
accordingly. Now we have a mechanism for resolving issues if
they arise. We haven’t yet needed to call on Phil, but simply
having a plan in place to deal with any problem that might
arise is very reassuring.
There are people who can help you to work through relationship
problems, whether in your professional or personal
life. This will remove a lot of stress and angst from your dayto-
day life, which will in turn let you get on with running your
business and achieving your dreams and aspirations.
IT’S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS
109
What can I do today?
Are there any relationships in your life that need work? Where
could you get professional advice? As a starting point, look in
the Yellow Pages under ‘Relationship counselling’. A counsellor
will be just as happy to talk to you about a professional
relationship as a personal relationship. Make that appointment
today.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
110
Action page—What I need to do to regain balance in
my life
IT’S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS
111
Nurture the mind, the
body and the soul
At conferences and seminars people often ask me what is the best
thing they can do to build their business and to make it more
successful. My advice is very simple—have a holiday. In fact I give
this advice so often I am thinking about opening up a travel
agency! From my experience and observation, to have a truly
successful business you need to work less on the business and more
on yourself.
If you are stressed out, exhausted, unwell, worried and totally
out of control, how can you possibly build a successful and
dynamic business? And what price will you have paid in the
attempt?
In Section 2 we discussed the retraining process, and how
to start working towards achieving balance by undoing bad habits
in all aspects of your life. In this section we look in more detail at
what you can do to nurture your mind, body and soul.
#51 Do you take your body for granted?
#52 Baby steps to get started
#53 Enlist outside help—why not use a personal trainer?
#54 Make movement a part of your life
#55 Increase airflow—in your body, in your workplace and in
your life
#56 Guilt-free pampering
112
7
#57 Respect yourself enough to take the time to look your best
#58 Yoga—feeling like a pretzel is not as bad as it sounds
#59 Invest in good slumber
#60 Develop your own style of meditation
NURTURE THE MIND, THE BODY AND THE SOUL
113
#51 Do you take your body for granted?
For many years I would have answered this question with a
resounding yes. I didn’t think about my body or my health
terribly much, and it showed. My main focus was always on
my business—how to work more, achieve more, get more done
and earn more money to make ends meet. All of my energy
and attention were given to my business, and very little was
spared for my own health and wellbeing.
While today younger entrepreneurs are generally more
aware and in tune with health issues, I still believe that a large
proportion of the small business community really don’t look
after themselves very well. We need our bodies to be strong and
fit to help us achieve our goals. So why do so many of us treat
our bodies so badly?
When you are in survival mode, you block out most things
except the need to make ends meet and get as much work done
as you can. This can often go on for many years. It becomes
habit-forming, and these habits are hard to break. Life becomes
so full and busy, with so many demands from so many areas,
that finding time for yourself is impossible, or so you think.
But you can only take your body for granted for so long.
Abuse it and you will ultimately pay the price. The healthier
you are mentally, physically and spiritually the better every
aspect of your life will become.
From my own experience it is simply a matter of adjusting
your priorities. Is your health and wellbeing a priority or not?
I have a list of the five most important things in my life. I keep
this at the front of my diary and in my wallet (for those times
I forget or lose focus). Treating my body with respect is at the
top of the list.
What can I do today?
Stop and take a moment to appreciate just how amazing your
body is. Appreciate it for what it does every single day despite
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
114
the enormous pressure you put on it. Most importantly,
commit to looking after it and treating it with respect. Is being
healthy at the top of your priority list or at the bottom? Decide
today whether your priorities need to change.
NURTURE THE MIND, THE BODY AND THE SOUL
115
#52 Baby steps to get started
I know that at times it can be irritating to be told all the ways
you need to change. Sometimes we take it personally; sometimes
we point the finger and say, ‘Well, you’re not perfect,
why should I listen to you?’ Change is a traumatic process for
many people, and this book is designed to give you some
simple tips to make the process a little easier.
You can’t change habits of a lifetime in a few days. I put on
a lot of weight over ten years and it has taken me four years to
lose most of it. One of the best lessons that I have learned
to help with the process is the importance of baby steps. If you
try to change everything today you will fail.
To address issues relating to business–life balance—from
losing weight, eating healthier and getting fitter to working
fewer hours, removing stress and building better relationships—
I ask myself six questions:
1. Where am I today?
2. Where do I want to be?
3. What do I need to do to get there (big picture)?
4. What can I do to get there in baby steps?
5. Who do I need to help me?
6. How will I know when I have made it?
While each part of the process is important, I have found
that baby steps are a subtle but crucial component. Ask anyone
who hasn’t exercised for a while to run ten kilometres and they
will either refuse to do it or attempt it and die in the process.
But ask them to go for a 30-minute walk and they are more
likely to do it. It isn’t a big jump from there to a one-hour
walk, then to a ten-minute run, then a 30-minute run and ultimately
an hour run—maybe they will run ten kilometres in
that hour. The key is breaking the goal into smaller chunks that
are achievable.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
116
There is a great saying that I heard recently: ‘How do you
eat an elephant? One mouthful at a time.’ While on this
theme, imagine weighing 200 kilograms and having a doctor
tell you that you have to lose 120 kilograms. How daunting
is that? Especially when after one week you have lost only
two kilograms. Yet if you break down your goal into baby
steps—aiming to lose weight in, say, six stages of 20 kilograms
each—you will find it much easier to achieve your goal.
For many people, getting larger projects started is much
easier if you can break them into small manageable pieces, but
there are other benefits, including the sense of satisfaction from
reaching milestones more often. In fact this is often enough to
keep people motivated to battle on.
This is really just basic project management: break any
large and ambitious project into small, more manageable
components, which aren’t as daunting to start. When they built
the Great Wall of China it is unlikely that a million semitrailers
pulled up with bricks and an army of bricklayers just
started putting it together. More likely it was approached
one section at a time and, block by block, one of the most
amazing structures in the world was built.
Apply this rule to any big change you need to make to your
life. Start by thinking big and then break your goal down into
baby steps to make it manageable.
What can I do today?
If you are feeling daunted by making changes in your life
simply due to the sheer size of the changes required, try the
process described above. For each goal, break the change into
baby steps that you feel comfortable with and that you are
confident you can achieve. Your chances of success may be
greatly increased.
NURTURE THE MIND, THE BODY AND THE SOUL
117
#53 Enlist outside help—why not use a personal
trainer?
So you’ve adjusted your priorities and decided to take baby
steps towards a healthier, more energetic you. I did this, but
I needed one more weapon to ensure that I really got moving—
a personal trainer. In this age of outsourcing, why not enlist
the sheer energy, enthusiasm and motivation a good personal
trainer can offer to assist you in your own balance battle.
I am a firm believer in personal trainers, having experienced
exceptional results first hand. But not all personal trainers are
the same and finding the right one for you might take a few
attempts. A few years back I did one session with a male
personal trainer who spent 40 minutes telling me how fat and
unfit I was, all the while trying to chat up the girl on the
machine next to us. I was humiliated and really angry.
I am surprised that I ever went near a gym or a personal
trainer again. But luckily I did and, as mentioned earlier in the
book, I now have two personal trainers (one just wasn’t
enough), and we have been working together for almost four
years. The experience of working with my trainers, Sam and
Kelly, was completely different to my earlier experience with
the jerk.
First they sat me down and gave me a complete and
thorough evaluation. They really got to know me and what I
wanted to achieve. They asked about my lifestyle, my business
and the demands on my time, what type of exercise I liked and
what I didn’t like, how I ate, when I ate, my emotional state,
my motivational buttons, and so on. Then we set about
working together on fixing what they considered were my
main issues. The first issue was when I was eating (see tip #65,
Get your day off to a healthy start)—no more mornings fuelled
only by coffee! They insisted I must eat a healthy breakfast
every day. I started doing gentle yoga and light gym work with
weights, working up to more active cardiovascular work.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
118
I couldn’t imagine life without them. Forget any stereotypical
images you may have of a drill sergeant yelling and
screaming at some poor sod (in this instance you) to do
another 30 push-ups. A good personal trainer will motivate
you, encourage you, challenge you, make allowances for when
you feel down, and share your passion to reach your goals.
Every few months I sit down with my trainers and we
review where we are at and how I am feeling. It really is all
about me. There are times when I am on the road for weeks at
a time and they ring to check that I am OK and that I am
getting in some exercise. They have taught me to only ever stay
in hotels that have well-equipped gyms, how to do yoga in
confined spaces such as hotel rooms or on a plane, how to eat
out and not blow the diet, and so much more.
While I train we laugh, we joke, we share good times and sad
times. Along the way we have become very close friends. They
have seen me at my lowest point physically, and they have been
there for some of my greatest tribulations. They have also shared
in my sense of accomplishment at each milestone, and I acknowledge
that without them I wouldn’t have achieved what I have.
If you need a little help to get your mind, body and soul on
track, a personal trainer who is a real professional, to whom you
can relate and who communicates well with you is an amazing
asset. Take the time to find the right one (or two) for you.
What can I do today?
If you are really serious about getting your body healthier,
and part of that process involves getting physically fit, get a
personal trainer to help you. Shop around, find one who you
like and who you think can motivate you in the right way, and
commit to doing a set number of sessions. Use them for advice
on healthy eating, and stress relief and management, as well as
to guide you on the road to getting fit.
NURTURE THE MIND, THE BODY AND THE SOUL
119
#54 Make movement a part of your life
In an age when so much effort goes into making us do less
physically, no wonder we find it hard to get moving. We spend
hours sitting in front of large television screens and home
theatres, surfing the net and playing electronic games, as well
as long hours at work, often with little or no physical
movement involved. Yet our bodies are made for movement,
not to sit still. Back when humans lived in caves, the only time
they weren’t moving was when they were asleep. The rest of the
time there would be this little thing called the battle for
survival to keep them on their toes.
I have spoken about change, about treating your body
with respect and the benefits of a healthier lifestyle. Making
movement—even the smallest and simplest of movements—a
part of your life will really help.
Every day, think about what you are doing to see if there
is a way that you could increase your level of activity. For
most of us the most obvious place to start is with our cars.
Perhaps you tend to get a little lazy and drive to the shop, even
though it’s only a ten-minute walk away. Maybe you tell
yourself that you don’t have the time to walk. Why not? Let’s
make more time and slow things down a little, just to get you
moving again.
Using the stairs instead of a lift or escalator is another really
easy way to move and it only takes a bit of extra effort for a
short amount of time. Arrange to meet a friend to go for a walk
instead of a meal. It is surprising how many people are more
than happy to do this.
There are many ways to get more active. A little effort here
and a little there will make a bigger difference than you realise.
Most of the difference occurs in your head when you change
the habit of thoughtlessly reaching for the car keys. Once you
start to get more movement in your life your body will start to
respond and like it a lot. From there the level of movement can
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
120
be increased. The more you move, the more relaxed you will
feel and the closer you will be to finding balance in your life.
What can I do today?
When you grab your car keys, stop and think for a second—
can you do this trip on foot (or by bike, rollerblades,
swimming or hopping)? If you can, why don’t you? Ask
yourself this question every time you pick up your car keys
from now on.
NURTURE THE MIND, THE BODY AND THE SOUL
121
#55 Increase airflow—in your body, in your
workplace and in your life
A side effect of sitting at desks all day and being less active is
that we have forgotten how to breathe properly—that is to say,
taking big deep breaths in and out. The same applies to many
jobs, not just desk jobs. Doing yoga, exercising and laughing,
among other things, will all help to get that air flowing in and
out a little better. I think of my breathing similarly to the way
I think of the food and drink that I put in my body. The better
the quality, the more beneficial it will be to me. While we can
only make limited changes to the quality of the air around us,
we can make dramatic changes to how we breathe.
We give very little thought to our breathing; slumped over
a desk or in front of the TV you might be surprised to realise
that you are taking only shallow breaths. Every once in a while
your body cries out for more oxygen and you take a really deep
breath—have you ever noticed how good that feels? You get rid
of the old stale air, your posture improves and you feel energised.
As a bonus, you feel more relaxed and calm. How nice it
would be to feel like this all the time!
So, if we breathe deeper we feel energised, calm and relaxed,
we sit up straight and we get a nice warm feeling in our body.
All of this and it’s free. Sounds to me like something we all
need to do a lot more often.
But ideally you want to breathe the best air possible.
Recycled air-conditioned air probably doesn’t fall into that
category. I suggest doing as much as you can to get fresh air
circulating in your workplace and in your home. That isn’t easy
in some buildings, but do what you can.
Flowers have a wonderful way of making air feel good—I
can’t really explain what I mean and I don’t have any scientific
proof for this, but I sense that a room with flowers in it just
smells and tastes better. Unconsciously this makes you breathe
more deeply. At the opposite end of the scale it is harder and
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
122
less pleasant to breathe deeply in a dusty, stale or bad-smelling
room. Do what you can to create a positive airflow and your
breathing will improve dramatically.
If you can’t get the air into you, the next best thing is
getting yourself out into the air, so go outside and take those
deep breaths on a regular basis throughout the day.
What can I do today?
Become more conscious of airflow—directly, through your
own breathing, and in the environment around you. Sit up
straight, take ten deep, slow breaths in and out. Do this as
often as you can throughout the day. Also look at ways of
improving the air in your workplace and at home. Open
windows, turn on fans, freshen rooms and get rid of dust. Air
is more important than food and water.
NURTURE THE MIND, THE BODY AND THE SOUL
123
#56 Guilt-free pampering
Pampering means different things to everyone, but at its
simplest it’s something that makes us feel good. That alone is
good reason to be pampered every once in a while.
First of all, figure out how you like to be pampered. For
example, is a day in a health spa your ideal pampering experience?
Being worked on from head to toe, rubbed, scrubbed
and oiled up, every muscle massaged and washed off? If it is,
why not do it regularly?
You’ll probably come up with excuses straightaway as to
why you shouldn’t. Your first thought is probably that you can’t
afford to do it all the time. Fair enough, it is not a cheap
exercise, but is it really that expensive? How much are your
own wellbeing, sense of calm and overall sanity worth? We
need to see pampering ourselves as a form of investment and,
in my opinion, one that has exceptional returns.
Your second argument is probably that you don’t have the
time—don’t you think that’s all the more reason to make time?
Generally there is never enough time, or a good time to do the
things we need to help us to feel more peaceful and calm. Our
own needs end up on the bottom of the very long ‘to do’ list,
and this needs to change.
Finally, you will say that you feel guilty spending a day
away from the business getting pampered. Now that last one is
a shocking excuse. If your business can’t survive for a day
without you being there, then you haven’t got a business—
you’ve got a jail sentence.
If taking a whole day off is too much to contemplate, try
breaking it into baby steps and organise to come in late one
morning. Spend that time before work doing something that
really nurtures you and makes you feel wonderful. For
example, I often get up early and go for a drive to a beautiful
creek about 40 minutes from my place. I go for a swim, sit and
watch the birds and the rainforest wake up, then head home
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
124
for a shower and to get ready for work. On days when I do this
I generally get to work about 10 a.m., but I feel incredible.
Overcome the guilt of pampering yourself by breaking it
into stages that you are comfortable with. Then figure out
how you really like to be pampered. Be selfish, be honest, be
decadent—it doesn’t matter. It is all about you. Take a few
hours off in the middle of the day to see a movie, have a golf
day once every few weeks, do a course in something not related
to your work, donate some time at the local animal shelter, go
to the gym—whatever does it for you.
Be prepared to pamper yourself often. You deserve it.
What can I do today?
Do you know how you like to be pampered? Make up a list of
the top five things you love to do that could be considered
pampering. Then make a date for each of them. No ifs and no
buts. Just do it.
NURTURE THE MIND, THE BODY AND THE SOUL
125
#57 Respect yourself enough to take the time to look
your best
I am a big believer in the importance of personal grooming and
appearance. Investing time, money and energy in how you
look shows a sense of self-respect.
Often, as people get really overworked, exhausted and rundown,
personal grooming and appearances start to slide. Men
stop shaving as often, they wear creased shirts and scuffed,
dirty shoes. The same lowering of standards applies to women,
but I am not a brave enough man to go into specifics! We all
simply run out of energy and something has to give.
Many years ago I did a series of courses to become a
SCUBA diving instructor. I was fortunate enough to have
a great mentor at the time, a huge man by the name of Bob
Baldwin. I remember him looking me in the eye and saying, ‘If
you want people to respect you, dress like you respect yourself.’
I have found this to be very true. If you take the time to dress
well and groom yourself, people are more likely to extend
you courtesy and respect. They also listen to what you have
to say—which is why police and military personnel have to
comply with such exacting standards in terms of uniform and
personal grooming.
As part of your battle to regain control of your life, can you
spare some time to ensure you look the part? Is your suit really
old, out of date and moth-eaten? Is it time to let the combover
go and be proudly bald? If you aren’t sure, find some friends
who you can trust to be really, really honest and ask for their
opinion. We all need a bit of a makeover from time to time.
This rule can be extended to other parts of your life and
business as well. Is your car dusty all the time? Is your office in
need of a good spring clean?
This tip is simple—give yourself enough time to spend on
grooming and appearance. The better you look, the better you
will feel, and the more in control and confident you will be. If
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
126
it means new clothes, so be it. If it means a new hairdo, go for
it. Invest in yourself; there’s never a good time or enough
money, so today is as good a day as any.
What can I do today?
Make the commitment to review your overall appearance.
Does it need work? Do you need help? Make a list of the things
you need to do to improve the way you look (and feel), and go
for it. Give yourself enough time each day to get ready
properly. It will make a big difference to how the rest of your
day pans out.
NURTURE THE MIND, THE BODY AND THE SOUL
127
#58 Yoga—feeling like a pretzel is not as bad as it
sounds
I don’t want to be melodramatic, but yoga really did change my
life. It is an amazingly therapeutic activity that can be done by
people from eight to 80 (and beyond). From the really unfit to
top athletes, yoga can be equally challenging to both.
Yoga has Hindu roots, dating back many thousands of
years. It is a series of postures and breathing exercises practised
to gain control of the body and the mind in order to achieve
tranquillity. It stretches muscles, aligns the spine, massages the
internal organs and clears the brain. It truly is a magical cureall,
and I have never felt as good in my life as when I do yoga
on a regular basis.
You don’t need any special equipment, as generally all aids
are supplied in class. Wear a t-shirt and shorts or other
comfortable clothing. Classes vary dramatically in exertion
level—from restorative and very gentle to hard-core Ashtanga
yoga, which will have you sweating profusely in minutes. I
strongly recommend that anyone doing yoga for the first time
go to a beginners’ class. Forget ego; yoga is not about that. Just
start at the easiest level and work your way up.
It is surprising how many people go to yoga for stress relief.
I see a lot of familiar faces each week, and many of them own
their own small businesses. Many business owners I know
sneak off during the day to go to a yoga class—an excellent
investment in health and wellbeing and in their business.
I love going to a class and looking around the room: there
are young people, old people, really fit people, terribly unfit
people, skinny people, fat people, men, women, boys and girls.
It is truly a melting pot for people from all walks of life. After
a yoga class I always sleep really well, my mind is clear of all
chatter and my body feels great. I wake up the following
morning feeling like a new man.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
128
OK, OK. You get the point. Yoga is amazing. If the only
thing you got out of this book was a desire to go and do one
yoga class, then I would be very, very happy. Talk to people
who do yoga, sit in on a couple of easy classes, have an open
mind and see if yoga works for you.
What can I do today?
Sign up for a series of introductory yoga classes (check your
local newspaper, telephone directory or gym). It will change
your life.
NURTURE THE MIND, THE BODY AND THE SOUL
129
#59 Invest in good slumber
The best investment I have made in many years (apart from
a sojourn in India) is buying a magnificent bed. Taking a
very close friend of mine who happens to be a chiropractor
bed shopping was a costly exercise, but it has certainly been
worth it.
I’d had the same bed for as long as I could remember. I
often used to laugh when I saw the indentation that my lessthan-
slender body had left in the mattress after years of
prolonged use, but I never really understood how badly it was
affecting me.
So Dr Debra Lawson took me to the bed shop, muttering
under her breath about the state of my bed and throwing in
words like ‘hunchback’ and ‘crippled’ throughout the process.
We stopped beside the second most expensive bed in the store
and she simply told me I had to buy this one. It’s made of stateof-
the-art latex, weighs the same as a jumbo jet and is very, very
comfortable.
After the first few nights in my new bed I woke up with
really bad backaches. Dr Deb explained that this was due in no
small part to my spine and associated muscles going back to
their rightful places and realigning. But after that first week
I began to have the most deep, restful and rejuvenating sleeps
I have ever had in my life. I have to say, I love my bed. If my
apartment was on fire the mattress would go out the window
first and then whoever else happened to be there with me.
Like so many other aspects of a busy person’s life, sleep
becomes simply one item on the list of things to do. The
problem is that if you don’t sleep well you don’t really get the
chance to recharge your body. The more stressed out and
demanding your life is, the more important the role of sleep.
Do everything in your power to make sure you get enough. So,
apart from having the world’s greatest bed, here are some of my
tips for a great night’s sleep:
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
130
• Make your bedroom really comfortable, peaceful and
soothing.
• Don’t eat heavy meals late at night (you never sleep as well
on a full stomach and often have very broken sleep).
• Install good quality, heavy curtains or blinds so your
bedroom is dark.
• Buy good quality bed linen. The nicer your bed feels the
better you will sleep.
• Don’t drink too much (certainly no tea or coffee) late at
night.
• Don’t force yourself to stay awake. When the waves of sleep
start, go to bed.
• Don’t watch television or work on your laptop in bed.
• Before you go to sleep, spend a few minutes taking big,
deep and slow breaths. You will feel refreshed for a few
minutes, then go off to a deep slumber.
• Long before you go near your bed, work out what you are
doing the next day and start mentally shutting down for
the night.
• Have a good hot shower before getting into bed. For some
reason sleeping is easier when you are clean, and a hot
shower is really relaxing. Your body temperature will start
to drop after a hot shower, helping you to drift off.
Having a really good sleep every night of the week is a great
personal investment. Spend the money, make sure the environment
is right and enjoy the benefits.
What can I do today?
How is your bed? Is it long overdue for an upgrade? Is today
the day where you go and buy that new, state-of-the-art bed
that will have a dramatic effect on how you sleep and how you
feel? Enjoy the buying process and look at it as an excellent
investment in the new calm, in-control and balanced you.
NURTURE THE MIND, THE BODY AND THE SOUL
131
#60 Develop your own style of meditation
Meditation is one of those things that some people think is
really ‘out there’; others have tried it and haven’t really been
able to do it properly; some think it is a bunch of baloney; and
others swear by it as an amazingly recuperative practice. I have
held each of those views at different stages in my life.
Today I think meditation is an exceptional tool for helping
to calm a full, or in many cases overfull, brain. It is a way of
slowing down, gaining focus, putting issues into perspective
and restoring and revitalising.
So what is meditation? The dictionary defines it as ‘quiet
contemplation’, and that is really what it is all about. It is a
process of slowing down the mind, getting all of the distractions
and racing thoughts out, and simply focusing on one
main thought, idea or problem.
We very rarely get to contemplate one thing at a time in
today’s frantic world. As discussed throughout this book, stress
is the result of huge demands on individuals, the never-ending
push and pull of daily life. Meditation is a mini vacation away
from this.
So how do you meditate? A good question and a tough one
to answer. Like virtually every activity related to wellbeing,
there are vastly different definitions and descriptions. For me,
meditation involves simply finding a quiet place, making
yourself comfortable, then taking deep breaths in and out,
thinking about one thing and one thing only. It is hard to do
and the mind wants to race all over the place like crazy. The
battle is to keep it focused; it will take time to learn and
develop this skill. You might do it for just five minutes to get
started. You might fall asleep. I call this a ‘mini meditation’.
I am sure there are die-hard meditation Nazis who would
be aghast at this description, but really, even the simplest of
meditations has to be better than nothing. There are many
places where you can go and learn to meditate with a group.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
132
I have tried a number—some good, some not. What beginners
need are lessons; someone talking you through the process
really does help. To sit in a group, chanting and ‘ohmming’ for
an hour while sitting with your legs crossed is very hard for a
beginner.
Meditate to suit you. If you like it and you want to learn
more, you will certainly find places and organisations to help
you. If you are content to do your own ‘mini meditations’ they
will certainly help you, and you will grow to really enjoy these
times of quiet contemplation and reflection.
What can I do today?
Do your first ‘mini meditation’ today. If you like it, try to do it
once a day, either first thing in the morning or when you get
home from your business. You will grow to love it.
NURTURE THE MIND, THE BODY AND THE SOUL
133
Action page—What I need to do to regain balance in
my life
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
134
135
2
Use the right fuel
to create calm
This section is very relevant to me as, up until a few years ago, my
weight and overall wellbeing had always been connected to my
level of stress. When I was stressed out my weight went up; when
I was relaxed my weight went down. In recent years I have lost
around 40 kilograms. This took a lot of effort; for a start, I had to
reprogram my eating habits considerably. Now, for the first time
in my life, my weight and stress levels are not related. This is a
constant challenge and one that I have accepted I will have to work
on for the rest of my life.
Travelling around the country and speaking at conferences, I
meet a lot of very stressed out and unhealthy business owners. They
work really long hours, they are under huge pressure, they don’t
exercise, they eat poorly and generally have a very bad lifestyle,
mainly because of their dedication to their business. This is all the
more ironic since most of them had assumed that running their own
business would give them the time and money to live a more enjoyable,
relaxed life, which it can do but often doesn’t.
One thing I do know for certain is that if I eat well and treat
my body with respect and gratitude it will help me to achieve everything
I want to in my life—and that is a long list. Being aware and
conscious of what I eat and drink is an essential part of regaining
a healthy body and a balanced life; for me, as for many people, it
is a work in progress.
8
This section will help those readers who want to feel healthier.
It is based on my own experiences and challenges in this area
of my life.
#61 Keep a diary of what you eat and when
#62 Alcohol, coffee, nicotine, sugar … what’s your drug of
choice?
#63 What exactly does eating well mean?
#64 Learn to enjoy food again
#65 Get your day off to a healthy start
#66 Water water everywhere
#67 Eating out doesn’t need to be unhealthy
#68 Encourage healthy eating in your workplace
#69 When it comes to food, always be prepared
#70 The 80 per cent rule—let your hair down from time to time
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
136
#61 Keep a diary of what you eat and when
We are often unconscious of the relationship between stress
and food. Some people stop eating when they are stressed;
others eat more when they are under the hammer. As a general
rule, and from my own experience, when people’s lives get out
of balance, so do their eating habits. They start to eat poorly,
favouring junk food and quick energy fixes or ‘pick me ups’
instead of more wholesome and nutritious fare.
I know this as I lived like this for many years. It is a vicious
cycle because the worse you eat, the worse you tend to feel and
the more you crave the foods that are not good for you. The
human brain does a great job of softening this blow for us
by justifying what we eat, and we simply go into the world
of denial.
A few years back I was wondering why I couldn’t lose
weight. On the suggestion of a good friend I started a food diary
to see exactly what I was eating and drinking every day. I soon
noticed that I was drinking quite a lot of tea and coffee, about
ten cups a day. Now, in each cup I would have two teaspoons
of sugar. That adds up to one hundred and forty teaspoons of
sugar a week, which is about the same as four litres of soft drink.
Now that was a scary realisation, enough to make me cut back
my coffee and tea intake dramatically.
Try this exercise yourself. Write down everything that goes
into your mouth—the good, the bad and the ugly. Be honest;
after all, no one needs to look at your diary except you. In
addition to this, you might find it helpful to also write down
what was going on during the day. This may provide some insights
into when you eat, what you eat and why.
On particularly stressful days do you tend to go for chocolate?
Or do you stop eating altogether? Do you drink more
coffee on a Monday morning to get you going for the week?
Try to find a relationship between your stress levels and the
types of food you eat when you are stressed.
USE THE RIGHT FUEL TO CREATE CALM
137
Once you know your eating habits it becomes much easier
to start changing them. But until then most observations are
only ‘guesstimates’, often with a conveniently distorted view.
What can I do today?
Start a food diary. Use an exercise book or notepad and carry it
with you. It is really important to be 100 per cent honest; you
don’t need to show it to anyone else, so you’ll only be fooling
yourself if you ‘forget’ to record the chocolate bar or round of
seconds at lunchtime. This is simply a tool to help you identify
your negative eating habits and how they relate to your stress
levels. Once you know where you are going wrong you can
start to do something about fixing it.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
138
#62 Alcohol, coffee, nicotine, sugar . . . what’s your
drug of choice?
If you’re anything like me, when you get run-down, under
pressure or out of control you reach for your own particular
poison, or combination of poisons. For most people these are
alcohol, caffeine, nicotine and sugar. Personally I have used all
four with dazzling effect at various stages in my life.
It’s easy to justify that takeaway coffee to get the brain
going, a few drinks after work to relax, a sugar fix for that afternoon
energy boost or a quiet cigarette break to get out of
the office. But the more stressed and overwhelmed you get, the
more you rely on these chemicals to get you through your day.
I’m not going to demand you go cold turkey, after all that
is up to you; but I do suggest that you get to know your
‘poison’. Mine is coffee—I used to drink about 20 cups a day
(and sleep like a baby). That was a long time ago, at a stage in
my life when I was utterly overwhelmed by my business. I
didn’t realise what a crutch coffee had become; also, for some
reason it liked to hang out with its brothers, alcohol, nicotine
and sugar, so before long I was using them all just to get
through the day. Coffee and nicotine in the morning, sugar
in the afternoon and alcohol at night—and I was only 18 at
the time.
Today my only vice is coffee, but I now limit myself to
three cups per day (to some people that would still be a lot). It
is a battle and I have to be ever-diligent, because the more
stressed and under pressure I am the more I crave caffeine and
the rest. I also know how terrible I feel if I relent and dose up
on coffee and sugar. My brain goes all foggy, I get nervy and
jittery and I usually get a headache. Just the way you want to
feel when a hundred people are clamouring for your attention.
I have a number of friends who drink a bottle of wine every
night, ‘to help them relax’. When does it become a crutch or
an addiction? It is a thin line, one that I know many of us have
USE THE RIGHT FUEL TO CREATE CALM
139
walked along. Be honest with yourself and be clear on the
benefits of being healthier; the lifestyle changes will soon
follow.
What can I do today?
What is your poison? Identify it and think about the benefits
of either cutting it out of your diet or reducing it. If you are
concerned that it is a more serious problem, get help. There are
many places to find help; start with your doctor.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
140
#63 What exactly does eating well mean?
Today, most of us think we have a pretty good idea about
which foods are good for us and which aren’t. There are literally
thousands of books and websites available on this topic;
however, much of the information is conflicting, which certainly
makes deciding what is good for you more than a little
confusing.
To illustrate this point, at certain times in my life I have
been advised, either by teachers, doctors or through the media,
to avoid the following: eggs, potatoes, red meat, oils, dairy
products, nuts, bread, breakfast cereal, tea and red wine. At
other times I have been advised to make sure I eat the following:
eggs, potatoes, red meat, oils, dairy products, nuts, bread,
breakfast cereal, tea and red wine.
When it comes to food, I think people have to make up
their own mind which ‘food philosophy’ they are going to
follow. I came up with my own food philosophy simply
because I got sick and tired of all the conflicting information.
My food philosophy is:
• Try to eat organic food wherever possible.
• Shop around the outside of the grocery store (i.e. in the
fruit and vegetable section, meat, grain and fresh foods).
• Avoid processed foods as much as possible.
• Avoid sugar (especially hidden sugars).
• Read the labels of the food I buy.
• Everything in moderation.
There is a powerful link between eating well and performing
well. If your body is functioning well, you will be better
able to deal with stress and the pressures of running a business
and having a life. To some people this tip will seem so blatantly
obvious as to be absurd. Yet unfortunately, for many people,
health falls low on the totem pole in a world full of pressure
and demands.
USE THE RIGHT FUEL TO CREATE CALM
141
I have a good friend, Paul Hockey, who is a one-armed
mountain climber. He was recently the first disabled person to
climb the face of Mount Everest, and I asked him what he ate
when it came to training for major climbs. His advice was
simple—eat lots of fresh fruit, vegetables and meat, and avoid
processed foods and chemicals.
There are so many sources of information when it comes
to deciding what to put into your body. The best tool you
can use to decide what is good for you is education. Learn
about the different foods, but read widely and don’t just accept
the first thing you read in a book or on the internet. Check the
source—is it credible and knowledgeable? Talk to other people
who are healthy and informed. Ask your doctor and other
health professionals for their opinions. But most importantly,
collect as much information as you can and make informed
decisions on your own health and wellbeing.
One of the best ways to restore balance and harmony to
your life is to eat well and have a healthy, well-fuelled body.
What can I do today?
Do you have a ‘food philosophy’? If not, why not create one
today? If you aren’t sure where to start, you can visit a dietician
or explore an independent or government-funded nutritional
website.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
142
#64 Learn to enjoy food again
One of the biggest challenges I face in relation to food is
finding the time to eat it. This sounds silly, but in the heat of
the work day, with phones ringing, meeting after meeting and
people lining up outside my door with various issues to be
dealt with, it really is easy to simply bypass eating until later in
the day.
That is exactly what I did for many years. I would eat very
little during the day, and then I would go home and gulp down
a huge, rich meal at around 8 p.m., convincing myself that
it was OK because I hadn’t eaten much during the day. The
rest of the day I lived on coffee and sugary treats to keep my
energy up.
Now I know how unhealthy that was and what a strain it
was on my body. During a six-year period of eating like this
I put on about 40 kilograms.
Through a very necessary and heartfelt desire to lose weight
I started to read more about healthy eating and realised that I
was doing it all wrong. The three main areas where I was
getting it wrong were:
1. I never ate breakfast.
2. I ate big meals at night.
3. I ate really fast.
All of the above made me realise that eating was a chore,
not a joy, for me. I didn’t see meals as an opportunity for social
interaction or to stop and take a breath; rather, eating was
something I was doing just to stay alive.
So I had to reassess the way I ate and retrain myself. Yes, I
started eating breakfast, but I will talk about that in the next
tip. But the biggest thing I did was to start to enjoy eating
again, to look forward to it and to take the time to savour it
rather than gulp it down.
USE THE RIGHT FUEL TO CREATE CALM
143
Today, eating is a joy rather than a chore. I eat out for lunch
just about every day, and I look at this as an opportunity to eat
a good meal and spend time with friends, clients or work
colleagues. It is a break in the day, it is fun and I eat in restaurants
where I know I can get a healthy meal.
However, in really busy times I find myself sliding back
into the old habit of missing meals, and I have to stop and read
myself the riot act. No matter how busy my day is, I know that
I need to take a break and enjoy the food in front of me. Then I
can get back into it with all the more energy and enthusiasm
for having had a good meal.
If this tip strikes a chord with you, don’t worry, you are not
alone. It surprises me how many business owners put themselves
last in all that they do. They pay themselves last, they
feed themselves last, they leave the office last. It is time to start
putting yourself first!
What can I do today?
If you rarely stop to eat a meal, make next week the one in
which you break this habit. Stop for lunch every day. Make it
a social occasion: meet some friends out for lunch or invite
them in. Allocate at least an hour to have a good lunch, and
enjoy every minute. When you get back to work, take a
moment to see how you feel.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
144
#65 Get your day off to a healthy start
I didn’t eat breakfast for 35 years. Several coffees was all I needed
to get my engine going in the morning. My excuse was either that
I didn’t have enough time or that I was never hungry. Then, a few
years back, in a desire to get fit and live past my 40th birthday,
I took on a couple of delightful personal trainers. To say that
they were appalled by my eating habits was an understatement.
While I actually ate good food on the whole, the problem was
when I ate. As mentioned in the previous tip, eating was a chore,
done once a day, late at night. The very worst way to eat.
Sam and Kelly gave me the following guidelines: eat like a
king in the morning, like a prince during the day and like a
pauper at night. This is probably the best advice I have ever
received when it comes to healthy eating.
To kickstart my new eating plan, they told me to eat
whatever I liked for breakfast. They didn’t care if I had bacon
and eggs every day as long as I ate breakfast. Once they had
changed my eating habits they could then fix up my diet.
So I started eating breakfast. Now I have it every single day.
I don’t always have bacon and eggs, but I make a point of
eating something even when I am not hungry. It has taken
quite some time to get the hang of it, but now I really look
forward to having breakfast. What I notice most is that my
brain works better, I am definitely calmer and feel I can cope
better with the day ahead. I no longer live on nervous energy.
When possible I make breakfast a social experience as well.
I live in Cairns, tropical North Queensland, where it is warm
all year round. So meeting for breakfast is easy as people tend
to be early risers. I have several breakfast meetings each week
and I really enjoy them.
If you don’t eat breakfast, changing this habit will play a
key role in restoring balance and harmony to your life. Your
body wants food in the morning; you simply need to start
listening to it.
USE THE RIGHT FUEL TO CREATE CALM
145
What can I do today?
Commit to eating breakfast every day of the year. It doesn’t
matter what you start with; once you get into the habit of
having breakfast every day, you can then work on changing
what it is you eat. But first things first for those non-breakfast
eaters.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
146
#66 Water water everywhere
When we get stressed, overtired and overwhelmed we often
turn to stimulants to get us through. Unfortunately this can
become habit-forming, and it is easy to become dependent on
things like sugar and caffeine for that little ‘pick me up’ during
the day.
What you really need, though, is more water in your system.
Drinking water is calming and relaxing. Some experts suggest
that we should drink up to two litres of water every day. The
most important consideration is having plenty of water available
so that it is easier to grab a glass of water than a sugary or
caffeine-rich alternative.
Today I have two water coolers in my business (for about
ten people), and I am thinking about getting another one in my
own office. Having access to high-quality, filtered water should,
in my opinion, be a basic requirement in every workplace.
As for filtered water versus tap water, personally, I think
that unless you know exactly what is in the tap water (or what
isn’t in it) stick with filtered. Also, remember it isn’t just the
water but how it gets to you. Are the pipes healthy? How often
is the water tested where it comes out from your tap (I bet
never)? But as discussed earlier, don’t take my word for it—do
your own research and form your own opinion. There has been
some amazing work done on researching water quality and the
filtered-versus-tap-water debate.
When water is readily available you are more likely to drink
more of it. Here are some ways to incorporate more water into
your life:
• Start your day with two glasses of water, ideally with a
couple of squirts of fresh lemon juice. This is a great way
to start the day and cleanse your system.
• Get into the habit of always ordering water with your meal,
your coffee or your alcoholic drink.
USE THE RIGHT FUEL TO CREATE CALM
147
• Keep a jug of water on your desk. Fill it up every morning
with fresh water and aim to drink around two litres a day.
• Carry a bottle of water with you wherever you go. This
becomes habit-forming after a while. Keep some bottles
ready to go in the refrigerator so that you can grab them
and run.
The more water you have in your life the better. A water
cooler is a cheap item and one that every business should have.
What can I do today?
Do you drink enough water? Why not try at least one of the
suggestions in this tip for the next week and see whether it
makes a difference to the way you feel. If you don’t have a water
cooler in your business, grab the Yellow Pages or go online and
organise one. It is a tax deduction and will only be beneficial
to your business.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
148
#67 Eating out doesn’t need to be unhealthy
Eating out can cause the best laid plans to come undone. This
can be a real problem for people who have to entertain clients
a lot. In fact, most people tend to eat out more often now than
ever before, and I recommend it as a great way to reduce stress
and get you out of your workplace to clear your head. So we
could all use a few tips to make the experience a healthier one.
Try the following tips—they work for me:
• Some restaurants are simply better than others when it
comes to healthy food choices. Try to select a restaurant
that you know has healthy options. Be open with the
people you are dining with and let them know why you
want to eat in a particular restaurant.
• Think about the type of food you want to eat before you get
to the restaurant. Visualise it and set your mind on it rather
than arriving there not really knowing what you want.
• Take your time reading the menu. Don’t just pick something
because it’s easy and you are feeling pressured.
• Avoid menu items that have rich or creamy sauces, or are
deep-fried.
• Don’t be afraid to ask questions about the menu; there
are always alternatives. For example, ask for salad dressing
on the side or steamed vegetables instead of chips.
• Ask the waiting staff for healthy recommendations. Get to
know the staff at the restaurants where you go regularly.
They are more likely to go the extra mile if you remember
their names and are polite and friendly. Tell them that you
are on a health kick and ask for their help. You will be
surprised at how supportive they will be.
• Most restaurants are happy to make you a healthy meal if
you ask them. If you are worried about ordering something
that is healthy but might take a long time to prepare, ask
the staff to rush the order through.
USE THE RIGHT FUEL TO CREATE CALM
149
• Avoid incidentals such as soft drinks, alcohol, desserts,
breads and rich foods. Take these five things off the menu
and you can dine out just about anywhere and still leave
feeling healthy.
What can I do today?
Next time you are faced with dining out, re-read this tip.
Instead of dreading the experience you will soon be able to
embrace restaurant dining, enjoy it fully and not have that
overpowering sense of guilt with each mouthful.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
150
#68 Encourage healthy eating in your workplace
In an attempt to do a good deed I once let a local charity put
a chocolate box in my reception. I am sure you know the ones:
you pay a couple of dollars and in return you get a handful of
chocolates. A nice concept until everyone in the office starts
putting on weight, getting pimples and falling prey to mood
swings.
I had to ask the charity to remove the box; I would gladly
give them a weekly donation if I could do it without getting
the sugar in return. This exercise made me realise the duty of
care we have as small business owners when it comes to encouraging
healthy eating habits in our workplace. Of course, you
can’t dictate what people eat, but you can ensure healthy
options are available.
A few years ago I tried to put this into practice by purchasing
a box of organic fruit once a week for everyone in the
office. Unfortunately, after about two months I stopped doing
this because most of the time I threw the fruit away, which was
a real waste. Having said that, I think we have all become
much more health conscious more recently and it is probably
a good time to try this exercise again.
There are lots of ways to encourage healthy eating in your
workplace. One really good way that I have seen work in a
number of businesses is a healthy-eating noticeboard with
takeaway menus and phone numbers of healthy-eating options
located close by the business. Members of staff who have an
interest in healthy eating update the board and ensure that the
information is current and accurate.
In the office, providing alternatives to caffeine, low-fat milk
and sugar substitutes all help to encourage healthy lifestyles. If
there are only sugary, caffeinated options around, that’s what
people will drink. As mentioned in tip #66, ensuring that there
is an abundance of cool, filtered water available really does go
a long way to providing an alternative to soft drinks.
USE THE RIGHT FUEL TO CREATE CALM
151
Encouraging without dictating is key here. I recently
visited one business where coffee wasn’t ‘allowed’ on the
premises, and neither were soft drinks, chocolate or any
other junk foods. I don’t think that being a dictator on what
people can and can’t eat is the right way to go about it. It is
just like the old adage, you can lead a horse to water but
you can’t make it drink. If someone told me what I could or
couldn’t eat or drink at work I would tell them a thing
or two in return.
So let people make their own decisions about what they
want to eat or drink. The best way to encourage healthy
eating is to lead by example. From my experience the more
healthy the boss is the more healthy the rest of the staff tend
to be.
While it is really important to be aware of what you are
eating, it is also very important to think about when and
where you eat. Whenever I go into a workplace where
everyone is eating at their desk as they work, gulping down
whatever they can get their hands on, I get a real sense of
things being out of balance. As business owners we should
provide a calm, clean and relaxed environment for people
to eat, and we should ensure that staff take the time to stop
and enjoy their meal. Just as stress and pressure spread like
fire, so does calm and control. If you are trying to be more
balanced, focused and peaceful, yet everyone around you is
freaking out because they are overworked, tired and
unhealthy, you are fighting a big battle and one that I don’t
think you can win.
To be cool, calm and collected you need all those around
you to be the same. Be proactive and create a healthy work
environment; you will be amazed at what a difference this will
make. As a delightful by-product, your business will also run
more smoothly and be more successful.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
152
What can I do today?
Has your business become a junk-food haven? Are soft drink
and chocolate available but nothing else? Well, today you
can change that by introducing some alternatives. Put up a
‘healthy-eating’ noticeboard, get the local greengrocer
to deliver a box of fruit once a week, or buy some caffeine
alternatives.
USE THE RIGHT FUEL TO CREATE CALM
153
#69 When it comes to food, always be prepared
One of my excuses for not eating well was that I never had any
healthy food in the cupboard. I dreaded going to the supermarket
and dealing with the crowds, the hassle and the
decisions that had to be made (pathetic, really, I know). Once
again, with the help of my long-suffering personal trainers,
I retrained my underdeveloped shopping skills and turned
what was once a chore into something I now really enjoy.
They helped me to realise that if I didn’t have food at home
I was likely to buy takeaways on the way home, and that generally
this would be something hot and fast and not that healthy.
So I learned to plan ahead and drop into the supermarket most
days on the way home from work. In addition, I started to visit
the local fresh produce market, where all of the really good
foods can be found. By this I mean the freshest of fruits and
vegetables, the best cuts of meat, seafood straight from the
ocean—not frozen—and so on. After a short time both of
these activities actually became quite enjoyable. I got to know
the store owners and stallholders and other customers, and
slowly but surely my shopping trips became social outings.
Spend enough time at the produce markets and you soon
get to know the growers personally and discover who sells the
best fruit and vegetables. It can also become quite social and a
nice way to while away an hour or two on a Saturday morning.
Changing my shopping patterns has meant that I now
usually have a good range and stock of fresh fruit and vegetables
in my apartment. This forms a good basis to make
plenty of healthy meals and to avoid snacking on junk.
I learned that the key for me was planning ahead, something
I am sure that many of you would simply take for
granted. Now, in the morning I think about what my day has
in store—if I know I am going out for lunch I will plan to have
a light meal in the evening, and make a mental note of what I
have available and what I need to buy.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
154
To make it even easier to plan healthy meals I started a
recipe book that I keep in the car. Now I can flick through my
favourite meals and decide what to buy before I head into the
supermarket. I go in with a mission and I can be in and out as
fast or as slow as I like. Beats standing in the aisles, ravenous
but without a clue what to buy.
I know that the few minutes I spend each day actually
planning what to eat and when has really helped me to be more
aware of what I put into my mouth, in turn making me a much
healthier and more relaxed person. Sure, I don’t get it right all
the time and I have a few more kilograms to budge, but every
year I feel healthier than the year before, and that means I am
winning the battle.
What can I do today?
Start planning your food intake for the day. Make sure you are
organised so you don’t find yourself scratching your head
wondering what to eat and then grabbing a takeaway.
USE THE RIGHT FUEL TO CREATE CALM
155
#70 The 80 per cent rule—let your hair down from
time to time
In this section I’ve described some of the practical steps and
helpful tips that really helped me to adopt a healthier lifestyle.
Now let’s do a bit of a reality check. If I said that you could
never eat a chocolate bar again you’d probably give up on
healthy eating altogether. Let’s be realistic: some days you will
just let go of caution and eat what you feel like, even if it isn’t
completely healthy. And sometimes you will want to reward
yourself for all the hard work you put into your life and your
business.
The trick is to ensure that you have a far greater number of
healthy days than unhealthy days. If eating healthily all the
time just gets too hard, aim to eat well most of the time. The
trick is moderation; drinking alcohol to excess is not good for
any of us, but it sure is nice to have a glass of red wine with
dinner or an icy cold beer on a hot day. Total abstinence rarely
works for a long or sustainable period of time.
A healthy lifestyle isn’t like being in a schoolyard or a
maximum-security prison where you are told what to do
and when to do it. Being healthy is a choice—your choice.
As we get older we start to realise how important it is.
The effects of age and stress start to take their toll; the odd
illness and repetitive aches and pains confront us with the
realisation that we are getting older and our bodies will
not last forever. This is when many people find the motivation
to stop smoking or start exercising (and try to fit into
a pair of ten-year-old shorts that, sadly, will never ever fit
us again).
I am a big believer in moderation. Spend more time being
healthy than being unhealthy, put more good things into your
body than bad things and you are well on the way to being
healthier.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
156
What can I do today?
On the following page write down which of these tips you are
going to act on today. A healthy lifestyle shouldn’t stop you
enjoying life—it will simply make you better able to cope with
the challenges life throws at you. Aim to live healthily at least
80 per cent of the time and you will be well on the way to a
much more balanced and harmonious life.
USE THE RIGHT FUEL TO CREATE CALM
157
Action page—What I need to do to regain balance in
my life
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
158
Invite balance into
your workplace
One look around the average workplace and it’s easy to spot the
presence of an out-of-balance business owner. There are piles of
files and papers everywhere, old magazines, stressed-out staff, an
obvious lack of attention to details, and much more. To create a
balanced workplace is an important and very conscious decision.
Start with the way you deal with your day-to-day business activities
and your attitude towards them.
The tips in this section will give you some very practical
ways to make balance at work the norm rather than the exception.
That said, breaking those nasty old habits is always a challenge
and may require radical changes to the way you currently do
things. If what you are doing is not working, change it, finish it,
clean it up.
#71 Get rid of unfinished business
#72 Make the hard decisions—stop procrastinating
#73 Encourage change and reward everyone who embraces it
#74 Some things can never be measured in dollars and cents
#75 Reschedule your day to suit you and the way you like
to work
#76 Schedule time for interaction/relaxation and just thinking
#77 Outsource/delegate the jobs you really don’t like doing
(and probably do poorly anyway)
159
9
#71 Get rid of unfinished business
One of the biggest causes of stress in my life is that neverending
list of unfinished business. This includes unfinished
projects, personal things that I never seem to find the time to
do, complicated problems—either personal or professional—
that are just plain difficult to sort out, fixing things that keep
falling off (in my case, door handles around my apartment),
and trying to catch up with the people I haven’t managed to
connect with. I used to have a pile on my desk which was
virtually nothing but unfinished business, and once in a while
I would shuffle through the mess but I wouldn’t really achieve
anything.
About two years ago I decided that I had had enough of this
pile, which seemed to mock me every time I looked at it.
I realised that, to get it sorted once and for all, I had to give
it some attention—so I did.
I got a notepad and started to work through that pile.
I made up a very comprehensive list of unfinished business
items and what I needed to do to get every single item off
the list.
The prospect was daunting, but I set a four-week time
frame and made a commitment to myself to completely clear
my unfinished business list—and I did. And it felt fantastic.
The relief was amazing. Emboldened by my success, I applied
the technique to the other piles in my life. I highly recommend
trying this for yourself.
Today I still have an unfinished business pile on my desk,
but it is much smaller and I make a point of not letting it
get away from me. I allocate time each week to unfinished
business. Most of the items in the pile really just need me
to sit and focus for a few minutes on how best to handle
them, and think about who else I might possibly need to get
involved to help.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
160
What can I do today?
Go through your unfinished business pile and make a list of
what you need to do to get every single item off your desk.
Set yourself a time frame and start working your way through
the list.
INVITE BALANCE INTO YOUR WORKPLACE
161
#72 Make the hard decisions—stop procrastinating
Procrastination is another common cause (and effect) of being
out of balance or overwhelmed in your business. Some decisions
are just plain hard—especially the big ones like sacking a
staff member, trying to placate an unhappy client or making
a major equipment purchase. Often we need to work ourselves
into the right frame of mind to make a big decision, and we
know that knee-jerk reactions are not a good idea.
The typical cycle that becomes self-perpetuating is that
the longer we delay the decision-making process, the more
decisions need to be made. Then we start to feel a little overwhelmed
and, in struggling to find the time or the energy to
make the right decision in the right manner, we procrastinate
further and even more decisions then need to be made.
I try to set time frames around my decision-making processes.
Let’s say I have to decide if I want to work on a specific
project or venture that someone has offered me. I make a point
of telling the person on the spot how long I need to make my
decision, and then set my mental time frame and write it
in my diary (AG must respond to Bill Smith by Thursday
10 a.m.). So then it is in my mind and in my diary, and I have
to make the decision on time. It normally works; if the deadline
arrives and I am still undecided I tend to say no, as I believe
that if it is that hard to decide then I shouldn’t really do it.
The process is really no different when you have to make
hard decisions such as whether to terminate a non-performing
member of staff. Set a time frame, spend some time in the
build-up to the deadline to make sure you know how you will
handle the situation, and then stick to your decision.
It is amazing how your mind gets accustomed to making
decisions once you get the decision-making process moving
again. The worst place to be is in the non-decision-making
mode because issues back up, you get more stressed and overwhelmed
and the cycle continues.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
162
What can I do today?
Start setting timelines for your decision-making processes. You
have to get decisions flowing no matter how hard it feels. The
fewer decisions you make the more back-up there will be, and
the more pressured and overwhelmed you will feel.
INVITE BALANCE INTO YOUR WORKPLACE
163
#73 Encourage change and reward everyone who
embraces it
Constant change is a given in the modern business world.
Everything changes—all the time, and at a fast and furious
pace. The ways that I communicate, travel, manage, market
and run my business are completely different today to what
they were, say, five years ago, and I can only imagine
what things will be like in another five years. Mamma mia!
There are two types of people, in my mind. The first are
those who love change and really embrace it. They thrive on it,
they are up to speed with technology or at least willing to try
it, and they are open and flexible to new ideas and better ways
of doing business. Then there are those who simply can’t stand
change. The mere mention of the word is enough to make
them break into a cold sweat, and trying to introduce them to
new ideas is like pulling teeth.
So how does this affect you and your business–life balance?
This question is best answered by my own story. As
mentioned earlier, my business looks and feels very different
today to what it did five years ago. It is dynamic, evolving and
technologically dependent. We have clients throughout
Australia, I travel a lot, I meet a lot of people and have countless
opportunities and projects sent my way. We need to
constantly adapt to changing markets, new opportunities and
new work practices. If my team were not proactive with this
I could not do what I do. At times I drive them crazy with
changes of direction and demands to always be striving to do
what we do better than anyone else, to embrace technology
and offer new products and services.
Luckily for me, most of them can cope, although occasionally
as I look around the boardroom table I can almost hear
them thinking, ‘Not more change!’ But to their great credit
they support me 100 per cent and help me to achieve my
goals and objectives. Best of all, they have a ‘can do’ attitude.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
164
In return, I realise that I have to restrain myself a little at times
and not overwhelm them with too much change too fast.
Over the years not everyone has been able to cope, and I
have had a few people resign simply because the pace of the
business was too fast, with too much change to suit them;
I admire them for admitting it and moving on.
My message is that change is here to stay. Some people
simply don’t seem to be able to ‘do’ change. The best advice
I can offer is to enter into open and honest dialogue about
change and what it means to you. Try to nurture people
through it or at least provide an environment where it can
be discussed. If necessary, get professional help. There are
people who are experts at change management and they can
be very valuable when dealing with organisational changes at
every level.
What can I do today?
Decide what your philosophy is towards change and what it
means to you. Take a few moments to write it down, then sleep
on it. Once you’re happy with it, put it in a place where you
can see it often and your staff can see it, too. Introduce the
concept of change and start to gauge people’s feelings about it.
INVITE BALANCE INTO YOUR WORKPLACE
165
#74 Some things can never be measured in dollars
and cents
All too often business success or failure is measured purely in
terms of dollars and cents. I find this approach really wrong;
a change in headspace is needed. In dealing with literally
thousands of business owners around the world, either through
my books or through seminars, most of them seem caught
up on the same issue. They overlook their other successes and
evaluate what they do based on what kind of car they drive or
the size of their house.
I love small business and everything that it stands for. It
represents people willing to give life a go, to go out on a limb
and be brave enough to take a risk and put everything on the
line. But most of all I love the fact that most small businesses
are actually very good at what they do—and this is because of
that vested interest and risk. They know that losing a customer
will have a very direct effect on their personal income.
If a person working for a large organisation loses a customer
it is unlikely to cost them anything personally (unless it is a
very big customer); their income is reasonably secure regardless
of the outcome of the situation.
This said, though, to me the real success of small businesses
is what their owners build and achieve. I encounter truly
amazing people doing amazing things, often for marginal
profit or sometimes none at all. But they are proud of what
they do, the service they provide, the jobs they create and the
reputation they are building.
But many of us need to stop and take stock more often.
Rather than just looking at how much money is in the bank at
the end of the week, we should post a victory board highlighting
the successes we have had that week as well. What great
things did we achieve?
Changing the way we think about success makes us more
forgiving and understanding of ourselves. We start to say
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
166
things like, ‘I haven’t got a lot of money in the bank, but I do
have a lot of very happy customers. The money will come.’
And believe me, it does.
What can I do today?
Set up your own victory board. Make sure that every achievement
in your business is noted, for they are all relevant. It
could be a new customer, a sales record, an award, a letter from
a happy customer or supplier, an industry acknowledgment, a
milestone like the business’s first birthday, and so on. It will
change the way you think about your business and the way you
measure success. It will raise your morale and that of your staff.
INVITE BALANCE INTO YOUR WORKPLACE
167
#75 Reschedule your day to suit you and the way
you like to work
Often we end up working within a schedule that suits everyone
else but ourselves. It doesn’t have to be that way. Some people
work better in the morning than in the afternoon, while others
are the opposite. Some people like to exercise in the middle of
the day and flourish with a couple of hours to go to the gym.
The key here is that it is better to work in the manner that suits
you than try to fit your life in around your work. Often all it
takes is a change in mindset.
Many of my clients plan their trading hours and the days
they work around their lifestyle. It is very empowering to do
this. The counterargument for many people is that they have
to be open for their customers—and yes, this is very relevant
for some businesses, but not for all. And even if your business
has to be open at certain hours, do you have to be there at
those times?
A big part of this tip is about letting go of perceptions.
Many business owners live in a state of near terror over
changing anything to do with their customers. They don’t want
to change the business name or the logo or the brand, or the
hours the business is open, or the products or services being
offered. But while I am an advocate of consistency when it
comes to delivering a product or service, customers are much
more open to change than most business owners think. In fact,
they like it—because it shows that the business is getting better.
Think about it for a moment. If you are working like a dog
and you’re exhausted, lacking in enthusiasm and not really
having a jolly time, do you think that your customers can’t see
or feel this? If you change the way you work so that it suits your
lifestyle and needs better, you will be much more energetic and
engaging at work, and your customers will get a far better level
of service and a more enjoyable experience. You simply need to
be brave enough to do it.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
168
The first step in the process is analysing how you actually
like to work. If you aren’t a morning person (whatever that
means), then arrange your business so you don’t have to be
there in the morning. If you find it hard to get anything done
at work because you are constantly being distracted by the
demands of staff, suppliers and others, work from home one
day each week and give clear instructions on who can contact
you and for what. I have found I get more done in one day at
home than I do for the rest of the week at work. It is amazing.
The traditional way of doing business is often not applicable
in the modern world. Set up your business to suit you. If
you are reading this book in anticipation of going into business
for yourself, think about this long and hard before you make
your move. Buy or start a business that suits the way you want
to live. If you are a night person don’t buy a milk run. If you
are a recovering alcoholic it probably isn’t a good idea to buy a
nightclub. If you are afraid of sharks don’t become a commercial
diver. You get the drift, as silly as my examples might be.
Make your business work for you, rather than you work for it.
What can I do today?
What one simple change can you introduce to your business
today that will make it suit your lifestyle better than it does
now? Implement this change—tell your staff, tell your
customers, tell anyone you want to, but make the change.
INVITE BALANCE INTO YOUR WORKPLACE
169
#76 Schedule time for interaction/relaxation and just
thinking
It took a good friend to give me a little guidance on this topic.
A few years ago my typical work practice was to get to the
office at around 6.30 every morning. I would then set about
making my ‘to do’ list for the day, which typically had about a
million items on it in my attempt to do as much as I possibly
could. Of course, it would be impossible to get everything
done on the list in a month, let alone a week, but I didn’t know
any better.
One day I was having a coffee with this friend and I
happened to jot down a few things in my notebook. She saw
my ‘to do’ list and, with a look of shock, she asked, ‘When do
you find time to just sit and think?’ Now, that was a powerful
question because I didn’t allow any time for that. In fact, from
the minute I got to work to the minute I left I pretty well ran
all day, often not even bothering to stop and eat, fuelled only
by coffee (with sugar).
From that day on I made a point of putting aside some time
each day to do nothing but think and reflect. Sometimes I might
allocate 30 minutes; if I have a lot on my mind I might allocate
an entire morning. I also give myself 30 minutes every morning
to walk around the office, say hello to everyone and just connect
with my team. What is going on, who is doing what, are
there any pressing issues that need my attention, and so on.
I am amazed at how empowering this feels and how it
has reduced my stress and the feeling of being overwhelmed.
Our brains need time to process information, and the more
information coming in the more time they need to process it.
If you don’t give your brain time to work through things it
keeps them in a holding pattern, with more items being added
every day.
Give yourself some quiet time to simply think things
through. Don’t try to fill every minute of every day. Make the
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
170
time to connect with those around you. There are so many
benefits in doing this, not the least of which will be a feeling of
control and calmness instead of feeling thrown into the fray
every time you walk through the door.
What can I do today?
Look at your daily schedule and allocate some time to just sit
and think. It might not be practical to do this at your workplace.
Maybe on the way to work you can stop at a park or a
coffee shop, or maybe do it on the way home. It’s up to you to
figure out what works for you, but learn to look at this time as
a real investment in you and your business.
INVITE BALANCE INTO YOUR WORKPLACE
171
#77 Outsource/delegate the jobs you really don’t like
doing (and probably do poorly anyway)
As a marketing consultant I encounter a lot of people at their
wit’s end with marketing. They know they have to do it, but
they don’t know how or what to do so it becomes an irritation
rather than an opportunity. There are many facets to running
a business that we don’t like and that generally we are not very
good at.
In my business I am the ideas man. I love coming up with
new ways to do what we do, to develop creative concepts for
my clients, to write books, to give keynote presentations and to
train people. But give me a profit and loss statement or an
operations manual and I have the attention span of a flea.
Several years ago I realised that my business was getting a
little out of control. I made up a list of all the general groups
of tasks that needed to be done, who was doing what and,
overall, how well were they being managed. It became glaringly
obvious that the jobs people didn’t like doing were all being
done badly. So the first step was to work out which particular
tasks people in my team did like doing. From here we matched
up the tasks with the people, as much as we could. The tasks
that nobody liked to do or that could not be done effectively
needed to be outsourced rather than mismanaged.
In the end we outsourced all our computer maintenance,
bookkeeping, artwork, customer service follow-up, and
buying flowers for the office—an eclectic list, but it worked
very well for us. Now all of the above are managed magnificently
by service providers, instead of having me or one of
the team bumble through something that we are not good
at or don’t like. And if you ask me, the cost of most of these
tasks has been reduced by having an expert do them, and
freeing my staff ’s time and energy to focus on what they’re
good at—delivering quality work and making money for
the business.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
172
Getting rid of those jobs that drive you crazy is normally
much easier and less expensive than you think. If you are
unconvinced, pick just one and start there.
What can I do today?
Make up a list of the tasks that you really don’t like doing (and,
if you are honest, which you know you do poorly). Pick one
that you can outsource to someone else so that you never have
to think about it again. It is incredibly liberating and stressrelieving.
Give it a try.
INVITE BALANCE INTO YOUR WORKPLACE
173
Action page—What I need to do to regain balance in
my life
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
174
Balancing the
business and
the family
Trying to balance a business and a life is challenging. Add a family
to the equation and things get even tougher. We know that family
should come first, but for some reason they often get overlooked by
the most demanding child of all—a small business.
Throughout this book I encourage you to question what you
are doing in your life now and seek to understand why you are so
out of balance. The road to taking control will then be much clearer
and the end goal certainly more achievable. Most of the tips in this
book apply equally to people with or without families. This section
is for the business owner who also has a family.
This section will also be useful for anyone considering starting
a family or a business, and thinking about how you will juggle the
two. It may save you some heartache down the line.
#78 What is your family plan and how does it work with your
business?
#79 Change your business to suit your family
#80 Does your business suit your family?
#81 Remember the oxygen mask
#82 Applying lessons from family life to your business
#83 Family fun and fitness
#84 Save some energy for the good times
#85 Clearly define the boundaries between the family and the
business
#86 Give your kids some great memories
175
10
#78 What is your family plan and how does it work
with your business?
Just as we should have clear goals for our businesses, it’s equally
important to have a sense of direction and clarity about where
you and your family are heading. I recommend developing a
family plan.
People who set goals tend to achieve them. Often just
sitting down to talk about the future can be quite an eyeopener.
For example, have you ever considered the following
questions in relation to you and your family? The questions
can be asked of you as an individual and also collectively of the
family—an interesting exercise:
1. What do you want out of life—what are your dreams and
aspirations?
2. What are your greatest fears?
3. Where do you want to live? Why?
4. How many children do you want to have?
5. What kind of lifestyle do you want to have?
6. What are your concerns for your children?
7. What do you want to provide for them, and in what time
frame?
8. What will you need in order to do this?
9. What is most important in your relationship?
10. What are your views on family health and wellbeing?
Some of these are hard questions to answer, and in the
midst of a busy life we seldom take the time to sit down and
think them through. We just get on with it. But discussing
topics like these and then putting in place a simple plan will
have enormous benefits for your family life.
So how do you write a family plan? It can be as simple or
as complex as you want it to be. For me, a one-page snapshot
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
176
does it—use the questions above to determine what your goals
are, then prioritise, setting realistic time frames and a way to
measure when you have achieved your goals. Also, it is important
to allocate some personal responsibilities as well.
Reality is the key word here. Sure, we would all like to take
the family first class to Disneyland—but if you are struggling
to pay the mortgage it is not that likely at this stage. So by all
means put it on your list of goals, but make the time frame
realistic, otherwise you leave yourself and your family open to
disappointment.
As with any long-term plan, it is really important to
ensure you achieve some early victories. Say one of your
goals is to get the family fitter. Well, starting right now, a
daily family walk can be scheduled for after dinner. So you
instantly have a goal, with a clear action plan and a time
frame. Beautiful.
The next stage is to consider how your family plan fits in
with the demands of your business. Can the two work
together? Are they in sync, or do one or both need to be
modified to fit a little better? Often some small, simple changes
can put both the business and the family back on a level and
complementary playing field.
One thing I know for certain is that just because you make
a family plan doesn’t mean there is a guarantee that you and
your family will stick to it. Families grow, they evolve, their
needs change and so does their focus. Don’t be too rigid;
understand that your plan gives you a unified approach and
some objectives to aim for, but the route you end up taking to
achieve these goals may well change.
Many business owners really feel the heat when trying to
juggle their family and their business. Being clear on where you
and your family are heading will certainly make it less stressful
during those times when you need to focus on your business.
Even just talking about your family’s dreams and aspirations is
a step in the right direction.
BALANCING THE BUSINESS AND THE FAMILY
177
What can I do today?
Why not sit down with your family tonight and talk about
your goals. Where are you going? What do you want to
achieve? What do you need to do to help each other get there?
Ideally, use this discussion to write up your own family plan.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
178
#79 Change your business to suit your family
When one or both parents are involved in running a small
business, the family often pays the price. Some people manage
both really well, but it isn’t always easy.
Family should always come first—we all know this. But in
reality they often don’t. If you are a business owner who is
fighting a battle for balance, something has to give. Unfortunately,
those closest to you often get the shortest straw. When
there are demands from staff, customers, suppliers and creditors,
who all want your attention right now, there isn’t a lot
of room left for the family.
Perhaps this would be OK if these demands only affected
individuals and their families during working hours, but often
this pressure spills over into what should be family time. Most
small business owners work very long hours to get everything
done, and the family tends to come last on the list.
I know many small business owners who have ruined relationships
because of their workaholic tendencies, through a
misguided sense of responsibility towards their business. In
fact, I am one of these people. My ten-year marriage didn’t
survive my obsession with my business. For some people this is
down to pure survival, an attempt to make ends meet. Others
have just developed bad habits, thinking it’s OK to work
ridiculous hours because ‘that is what you have to do to make
a business work’.
Well, the world is changing, and people are becoming
much more flexible and open-minded. The real issue here is
making the business work for the family by changing the way
you run your business, being less rigid and not just doing
things the same way you have always done them.
I actively encourage people to tailor their business to suit
them rather than everyone else. Why not set up your business
to work the hours that suit you? Why not take your kids to
work if you can? If you don’t get the chance at any other time,
BALANCING THE BUSINESS AND THE FAMILY
179
why not take time out in the middle of the day to go the gym?
There really is no reason not to make these changes except our
own perceptions and limiting beliefs.
There may be a price to pay for this; you might lose the odd
customer who doesn’t like the fact that you are no longer there
at 7 a.m. to answer their questions, but you will gain so much
that is priceless. And did you really want that customer in the
first place? I once had a client who sacked me because I refused
to take his calls at 10 p.m. on a Friday night. Did I want a
client that was going to call me on a Friday night after a few
glasses of wine, wanting to talk marketing? Certainly not.
It’s your business. Tell people why you are making these
changes and you may be really surprised to see how supportive
they are. More and more people are choosing to run their
own businesses, and that means that more families will have
small businesses attached to them. Run the business to suit
your family rather than the other way around. You will be
amazed at how much stress this can remove from your life.
What can I do today?
Can you change the way you run your business to make it
more family friendly? Perhaps make little changes to start with.
Let people know why you are making these changes and you
will generally get their support.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
180
#80 Does your business suit your family?
I am all for people starting their own businesses. If you have a
well-established business that can run with less input from you
on a day-to-day basis, the freedom of being your own boss can
really help on the family front. Perhaps you can be more
flexible with your working hours or take the kids to work with
you from time to time; and you may make more money
working for yourself. At least you know the boss can’t complain
about you spending time with the family or bringing the kids
to work. However, some businesses simply aren’t suited to
raising a family. Either they take up too much time or keep you
busy during the wrong times of the day, or they are simply too
demanding and put unreasonable pressure on the owner.
I have met many people who have been happily selfemployed
and whose only responsibility was to their business.
Then they meet someone special, a relationship forms and gets
serious, and then a family comes along. All of a sudden the
business starts to struggle because the owner isn’t able to spend
as much time or energy working to build it. As the business
limps along finances get tight, stress levels increase, pressure
builds and the situation becomes very difficult for all involved,
often ending in tears.
Sometimes it is better to work for someone else rather than
for yourself. Often it is about timing and what stage you are
at in your business and your family. In particular, starting a
new business when you have a young family is always going to
be challenging. In fact, at any stage of your business’s life
cycle, if your business and your family are out of alignment or
at odds, the chances of having any kind of balance are really
quite slim.
If you are currently in the situation where your business
responsibilities are clashing with your family life and this is
putting great stress and pressure on you, the best answer, as
harsh as it may seem, is to change your business. There are
BALANCING THE BUSINESS AND THE FAMILY
181
always plenty of reasons not to sell your business or even close
it down if it is only marginally profitable. However, in this
instance selling or closing may ultimately be the most logical
decision. It can be quite a relief not to have a business to look
after on a daily basis.
What can I do today?
Spend a moment thinking about your business and your
family. Does your business complement your family life (or
the family life you have planned)? If it does, that’s great. But
what will you do if it doesn’t? Change your business, or change
your family?
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
182
#81 Remember the oxygen mask
When you watch an aircraft safety demonstration it’s a great
reminder of the importance of looking after yourself first and
foremost. The aircrew or safety video always instructs that parents
should put on their own oxygen masks first and then fit masks to
their children. It is clearly more important for the parent to be
conscious and able to assist the child rather than the other way
around. Yet in life, we often forget this very obvious point.
If you are really stressed out, overworked, overwhelmed and
making yourself sick in an effort to make your business work,
are you really doing the logical thing? Are you making sure that
you will be OK so that your family will be OK? Probably not.
Running a family and a business is one of the most challenging
paths you can take in life, but many people do it successfully.
Self-sacrifice is part of being a parent. It is also generally a
part of being a business owner, particularly in the early stages
of the business. So if you are sacrificing your own wellbeing in
every area of your life, what are you doing for you? The best
laid plans can come undone when you form a family and have
to consider more people than just yourself. But whether you
are single, married, a parent or not, the importance of making
sure you are OK first and foremost cannot be overstated.
In fact, your wellbeing becomes all the more important if
you have a family. So remember, you have to put on your
oxygen mask first to ensure that you are OK and able to help
those around you.
What can I do today?
Don’t treat yourself differently because you are a parent. The
better you feel about your life the better those around you will
feel. Adopt the tips in this book regardless of whether you are
single or married with a dozen children.
BALANCING THE BUSINESS AND THE FAMILY
183
#82 Applying lessons from family life to your
business
Running a family and running a business are actually surprisingly
similar in many ways. Resolving disputes, crisis
management, project management, cash flow, time management—
these are all topics that you read about in business
books, but you don’t often associate them with running a family.
Yet these are skills we apply to family life every single day.
Indeed, there’s much we can learn from our families that’s
useful in a business context. For instance, how to deal with
people. Children are often the toughest of negotiators, partners
the most discerning customers (who may not necessarily be in
the market to buy what we are selling), and that’s before we get
on to the extended family—know-it-all aunties and uncles,
cousins, and so on.
We can go one step further and really start to enjoy these
observations and perceptions, and learn to appreciate our
families more. Sometimes seeing the similarities between
our business and our home life introduces perspective, and this
somehow makes situations less stressful and an out-of-balance
life more manageable.
I guess that the real point I am making here is that you can
learn more from your family if you make the time to connect
with them. The answer to many of our day-to-day issues could
be overcome if we perhaps learned a lesson or two from a five
year old. In fact many of the ideas in this book are reflections
of what children do—they live in the moment, they love to
laugh, they sleep when they need to, they cry when they need
to, they eat when they are hungry, and so on. We spend years
erasing much of this good internal programming, but now is a
good time to start listening to it again. Learn from your family
and enjoy the process.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
184
What can I do today?
Identify at least one lesson you learned from your family today
and think about how you can apply it to your business. This
can be fun and also quite a stimulating challenge. Tell your
family about it. Changing your perceptions can often transform
a burden into a joy. The difference is what is in our head.
BALANCING THE BUSINESS AND THE FAMILY
185
#83 Family fun and fitness
I have spoken about the importance of introducing physical
fitness into your life to combat the effects of stress. People
often think that having a family will prevent them from
finding the time to enjoy a fitness regime. But this doesn’t
have to be the case. In fact a family can be a very effective
reminder of the need to spend time on yourself, recuperating
from the pressures of work and enjoying the simple things
in life. You don’t need to drag the family to the gym or
get them to run marathons, but there are many simple activities
you can do with your family that are healthy, soothing
and restorative.
Something as simple as an after-dinner walk with the kids
(with bikes, prams, roller blades, dogs, dolls, etc.) is relaxing,
peaceful and really enjoyable. Everyone gets to walk off dinner,
burn up some excess energy and talk, play or recharge.
A friend of mine who owns two businesses takes her
daughter to swimming lessons every week. While her daughter
is learning to swim my friend does laps. She loves it. Weekend
picnics, walks in the park, a day at the beach and a host of other
activities that all involve fresh air, physical activity and quality
family time will benefit every member of the family. It’s also
really nice to get your head out of your business for a while and
think about something else. Exercise, fresh air and family have
a wonderful ability to help clear the head and give you a sense
of contentment.
So rather than looking at your family as a hindrance to
getting fit, look for ways to enjoy being together, relax and get
some exercise at the same time. For extra ideas, do an online
search for family fitness.
The more you do to bring every part of your life into
balance, the better off you will be. By focusing some attention
on family fitness you get to enjoy the benefits in every part of
your life. You benefit personally, your family benefits and your
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
186
business will ultimately benefit, too. Now that is a wonderful
win–win situation all round.
What can I do today?
Spend an hour online to come up with a list of ways you and
your family could spend more time together getting fresh air
and being active. Put this list on the wall somewhere where you
can all see it. Maybe take it in turns to choose which activity
you will do each day or each week.
BALANCING THE BUSINESS AND THE FAMILY
187
#84 Save some energy for the good times
It’s hard to come home after a long and crazy day, when
you’ve been pulled in a thousand different directions, and be
ready to give some quality time to the family. You know you
should be saving some of your energy for your family. And
you know that the issues you did battle with today will in
all likelihood still be there tomorrow, and the day after. But
every day that goes by, your children are getting a little older,
as are your parents and everyone else you care for. Days are
going by that you will never get back again. It’s enough to
stress you out!
If it takes every minute away from your business for you to
recharge so that you can go and do battle again, what you are
doing is clearly not working. If you spend all of your spare time
sleeping or on the couch watching television, your business is
taking too much of a toll on you, your body and your family.
The starting point is to get to know your body, and your
energy highs and lows. Aim to do the things you really love
doing with your family at the times when you have more
energy. If you are a morning person, spend some quality time
with your family in the morning, rather than running out the
door before everyone else is even out of bed.
Remember, it isn’t normal to be totally exhausted after a
day at work. It is a sign that something is not right. Sure, from
time to time we all feel exhausted, but it should be an occasional
incident, not an everyday scenario.
This may also be an excellent time to get a check-up. If you
always feel down and exhausted there could be a medical
reason. It is wise to check all angles; it might take a few goes to
find out if there is a problem that is more than just stress and
overwork. Doctors say that the number-one reason people visit
them is a general feeling of exhaustion. Sound familiar? Well,
you can do something about it so that you can really enjoy life
a lot more.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
188
During the worst of my workaholic days I found that I had
plenty of energy at work, but crashed at home every evening
and on weekends. I changed my diet, got moving and reduced
the stress in my life, and was amazed at how much energy this
gave me. I know now that when I am really stressed, that
exhausted feeling comes back and I don’t like it.
Logically, it is much nicer to be feeling great when you have
time off, rather than feeling like a complete wreck. So apart
from putting the tips in this book into action, try to plan your
life so that you can spend more positive and energetic time
with your family rather than just giving them the leftovers.
What can I do today?
Several times throughout your day, take a moment to measure
your energy level. Rate your energy level from one to ten: one
is ready to fall asleep, ten is bouncing out of your skin and
being ready, willing and able to run a marathon. Get used to
measuring your energy level and start to measure where it is at
when you are with your family at various times. Do you only
spend time with them when you are at level one, or do they get
their fair share of level ten? Awareness is the first step in the
change process. Desire to change is the second.
BALANCING THE BUSINESS AND THE FAMILY
189
#85 Clearly define the boundaries between the family
and the business
I am currently writing a book called 101 Tips for Working with
Family, Friends and Lovers. What a topic! Everyone I talk to
who either works with or has worked with family, friends or
lovers is keen to pass on their experiences and words of
wisdom. In each case I find that the challenges of these
working conditions are very easy to identify, but the ways to
overcome these challenges are not as clear.
There is one recommendation that has everyone in agreement:
that is the importance of clearly defining the boundaries
between family and business. This recommendation is critical
to achieving success in both the business and family arenas,
and to having a balanced life.
Many of the tips and recommendations in this section look
at ways to help get the business and the family to fit together a
little better. That is a very different process to what I am suggesting
here. Boundaries are designed to prevent the business
from encroaching unreasonably on your family life. They need
to be clearly defined, specific and understood.
Here are ten recommendations for ways to define boundaries
between your business and your family:
1. Ensure that your staff know what they can call you about
at home and what they can’t.
2. Be very careful about giving out your mobile number. If
you hand it out to everyone, everyone will call at a time
that suits them, not when it suits you.
3. Have specific times when you can’t talk business and give
these times a name: for example, family time, personal
time, recharge time—whatever helps you to remember
why you need to forget about the business for now.
4. Never, ever discuss the business in bed. Profit and loss
statements are not good foreplay.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
190
5. Allocate times to talk business when you need to. For
example, sitting around the dinner table is a good time for
everyone to talk about their day and your business day is
an important part of this. It is important to share all
aspects of the business, the trials and the tribulations, but
put a time limit on it.
6. Learn how to leave issues at work. By all means talk about
issues but don’t be consumed by them. It is great to have
rituals (like putting all problem issues in a folder and then
in a drawer) that introduce a degree of separation from
the issue.
7. If you make promises to your family, keep them. It is
better to let down a customer than a family member.
8. Don’t let the business get in the way of important family
events like birthdays, holidays and Christmas.
9. Ensure that your family know what they can do to help
you run your business successfully.
10. Always remember that long after your business goes your
family will still be there.
By clearly defining the boundaries between your business
and your family, you will automatically reduce some of the
stress and pressure associated with trying to balance both.
Everyone knows where they stand, and that is a good thing.
What can I do today?
Which of the ten suggestions made in this tip could you use
today? Which one struck a chord with you? Actioning any of
these tips would only take a few minutes. Enlist your family’s
help to make them work.
BALANCING THE BUSINESS AND THE FAMILY
191
#86 Give your kids some great memories
In tip #26 I spoke about the power of creating ‘magnificent
moments’—those special interactions where you brighten
someone’s day, show genuine interest in other people and
generally create a moment in time that will be remembered
fondly by those concerned. This tip is similar, but it deals
specifically with giving your children some great memories.
All too often children become the small business orphans as
Mum or Dad, or both parents, get stuck working long hours,
depriving the kids of quality time.
Give your children great memories of the business and your
time in it. Make them a part of it. No matter how dull you may
think it is for them, they will be impressed because it is
connected with you. A friend of mine says her most wonderful
childhood memory was making deliveries with her father, who
ran a small goods business. She would spend every Saturday
making the rounds with her father. The customers would all
spoil her, and as she came from a big family it was the only
time she got to spend one on one with her father. The idea of
sitting in a truck all day sounds pretty boring to an adult, but
to a child it was an exciting new world.
Think back to your own childhood. Do you have fond
memories of your parents’ work or business? These are often
the simplest of memories. What did they smell like when they
got home from work? What did they bring home? What were
the rituals, such as Friday night treats? What was it like to
wander around the business when everyone else had gone
home?
I remember my nieces coming to my office; they were
absolutely in awe of the fact that I had ten computers. They
said I must be really rich, which I must say really made me
laugh. The look of awe in their eyes was priceless.
Share the victories, go out and celebrate when good things
happen and let the kids know why you are celebrating.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
192
Whatever you do, create some wonderful memories for your
children, your partner and yourself. What could possibly be
more rewarding than this?
What can I do today?
Do your children share in your business in any way? Plan today
what you will do to celebrate your next success and how you
will share it with your children. Look for other ways to create
great memories with your children. You will get as much out of
it as they will.
BALANCING THE BUSINESS AND THE FAMILY
193
Action page—What I need to do to regain balance in
my life
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
194
Balancing tips
specifically for
men
When it comes to managing the day-to-day stresses of business and
family, men and women tend to cope in different ways. To help
account for these differences, I’ve done a separate section for
women who own their own business (Section 12), and this section
here is for the fellas.
Obviously I can’t talk for the entire male species, but I can say
that the tips I present here are based on meeting and talking to
many male business owners who have struggled for years to find
some kind of business–life balance. I have no doubt that they will
strike a chord with many male readers (and a few female readers
trying to figure out what makes us men tick).
#87 Do our successes or failures define us as men?
#88 Men die younger than women—why?
#89 The myth of expectation—most of the time we are wrong
#90 The need to be physical to maintain balance
#91 Male bonding—make sure it’s supporting you, not holding
you back
#92 Never lose sight of what your partner brings to the
relationship
#93 Admitting we are out of control means we are weak—wrong
#94 Treat your body as your most important business asset
195
11
#87 Do our successes or failures define us as men?
One thing that men are not good at is failure or, as is often the
case, the perception of failure. The thought of failing in your
own business is a bit like a caveman going out to catch something
for dinner and coming home empty-handed. As men we
often base our sense of self-worth on our successes or failures.
But as I mentioned earlier, success can be measured in
many different ways, with financial success being just one
aspect. It is important for a man to see his business from a
larger perspective.
So if you are in business and it doesn’t work, and the worst
thing possible happens—you go broke—think it through to
the full outcome. Yes, you will have lost some money—
probably a lot. Your pride will be damaged and you may be a
little embarrassed. Hopefully your relationships with your
family and friends are intact. So what else can you do except
get on with life and start again? Get a job, find some way to
start another business, go back to school. But whatever you
do, you have to pick yourself up, shake the dirt off and get
going. How many hugely successful entrepreneurs have gone
broke only to bounce back bigger and bolder each time? The
difference between them and other less successful people is that
they refused to lie down and give up.
What can I do today?
Think about what you have achieved in your life to reach this
point. These can be seemingly small things, like getting onto a
sporting team at school, through to big achievements such as
finding a partner or becoming a father. Every single person on
the planet has many, many achievements in their life—
remember what some of yours are and be content to know that
you are much more than your business.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
196
#88 Men die younger than women—why?
Some may say this is a conspiracy (only joking, ladies), but
there is no doubt that it is a reality—on average, men tend to
die younger than women. While there are many reasons for
this, one of the main reasons is stress and how we deal with it
(or rather, we don’t). This is not to say that women have any
less stress—they certainly don’t—but I think they deal with it
better than the average man.
Men carry the often self-imposed responsibility of being the
provider for their family—a concept that is biologically logical
since they are bigger, stronger and better at catching woolly
mammoths. With this responsibility comes the associated
stress and pressure. One of the worst insults for a man is to be
accused of not being able to support his family, and in the
backs of our minds this fear often lurks.
So there is a lot of pressure and stress on us to bring home
the mammoth. Over a lifetime this takes its toll on the body
and ultimately reduces life expectancy. Now there was a time
when men used to sit around campfires talking about this kind
of stuff (in our own, very indirect way), and that was a mechanism
to get the stress out. Now we tend to spend less and less
time with our ‘campfire’ buddies, and business owners often
struggle to find the time to even think about getting together
in such an environment—which must be one of total trust and
openness, something that takes time to develop.
I encounter this issue frequently—men in business who
have become socially isolated, who are struggling to find
someone to talk to about their issues and challenges. In fact
I would rate it as one of the most significant issues facing
men in small business today. They carry the stress, the
pressure, the burdens and responsibilities themselves. Often
they don’t want to unload these on their family (after all, for
man—the woolly mammoth hunter, the provider—it isn’t
good to look ‘weak’).
BALANCING TIPS SPECIFICALLY FOR MEN
197
If we could find other men to talk openly with about the
trials and tribulations associated with running our businesses,
our overall stress levels would drop dramatically. Why? Because
we would be reassured that all the feelings we are experiencing
are completely normal, and that everyone else goes through
them as well. We would also be able to get advice from other
people who had ‘been there, done that’, reinforcing the old
adage that a problem shared is a problem halved.
What can I do today?
As a man, who can you communicate with openly and
honestly about the issues you face in your business? Is there
someone who always seems to understand, or someone you
look up to? Develop this support, be open about it and explain
why you are doing it. You will be surprised at how many
men will understand exactly what you are talking about and
who will leap at the opportunity to get involved, preferably
as a group.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
198
#89 The myth of expectation—most of the time we
are wrong
This is an interesting point and one that adds significantly
to most men’s feelings of pressure and being overwhelmed,
and to overall stress levels. We believe that other people have
enormous expectations of us, but often they don’t.
I have spent a lot of my life achieving, perhaps even overachieving.
I am a very driven person. I am not sure if growing
up as an orphan had something to do with it—perhaps I was
proving to the world that I would amount to something. Interestingly,
one of my greatest reasons for achieving was to make
my older sister proud of me. So I worked very hard, always
striving, always driven, always achieving. Then one day she
died, and I was left with a very hollow feeling and a need to
find another reason for my drive and ambition.
I soon arrived at the realisation that I needed to do what
I did for me. Not to impress others, or to get their approval.
I had to do it for my own complete sense of satisfaction. This
realisation was very liberating, to say the least. But with it
came another—my sister had loved me completely, unconditionally.
She would have loved me and been proud of me
whether I cleaned toilets for a living or found a cure for
cancer. That was what she was like. I was driven because
I thought her expectations were for me to succeed—but I
was wrong.
One of my clients visited me not long ago. He was running
a small business which wasn’t going very well. He was really
stressed out and sick, struggling, clearly at the end of his tether.
I could tell that he really didn’t have it in him to keep going;
he was totally exhausted. But his reason for struggling on was
that he had borrowed $300 000 from his parents to start this
business, which was now failing. He believed that his parents
could not afford such a big loss, that it would ruin them
completely. We set a plan in place to try to rebuild the business,
BALANCING TIPS SPECIFICALLY FOR MEN
199
but deep down I didn’t think it was possible because he was so
burned out and fragile.
A few days later I received a call out of the blue from his
father. He wanted to talk to me as he was concerned about his
son’s wellbeing. The father’s side of the story was very different.
He didn’t care about the money at all. Yes, it was a hit to take,
but he would get over it and move on. His only concern was
his son’s health, but he was afraid to talk to his son in this
manner because he didn’t want him to feel like a failure.
Now this was exactly what I am talking about in this
section. The expectations that the son had were destroying
him. What they had here was a communication problem first
and foremost; the business problem was secondary. Fortunately,
they were able to resolve their misunderstanding. They
sold the business, recouped some of the loss and moved on in
a much healthier and happier manner.
Don’t assume that you know what expectations people have
of you. It is much better to talk, to clarify what their expectations
are, and then determine whether you can meet them or
not. Don’t let your perceptions stress you out.
What can I do today?
What drives you? Who are the people you feel have the highest
expectations of you? Would you consider talking to them to see
if their expectations really are as high as you think?
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
200
#90 The need to be physical to maintain balance
For most men there is a need to feel like a man. This tends to
involve being masculine, doing masculine things and being
appreciated for being masculine. Now, interestingly enough,
while we understand the need for women to feel feminine we
don’t fully understand or appreciate the need for men to feel
masculine.
What this means to an individual varies. For some it may
be sport, for some it may be hanging out with other men, for
some it may be what they read or watch on TV, or their
hobbies. For most, though, there is a physical component.
Even though there are many men who are not overly physical,
they are stimulated by physical encounters. Watching sport,
playing action games, seeing action movies or reading action
books—each has a strong physical component, and they are
generally considered masculine.
In my opinion, most men need this to balance their lives.
Again, though, for most small business owners the biggest issue
is time or, more importantly, lack of time. What suffers when
there isn’t enough time? All these activities, which somehow
change from being stress-relieving, balancing pastimes to
optional activities that will be done if time permits—which, of
course, it rarely does as our responsibility list grows.
The end result—men end up out of balance, feeling less
of a man and not really knowing why. Clearly this is a big
generalisation, but again, from my experience it is very
common and a growing problem.
What can I do today?
What do you do to feed your masculine energy? Do you know
what makes you feel more of a man? Make a list of these activities—
and, most importantly, make the time in your life, no
BALANCING TIPS SPECIFICALLY FOR MEN
201
matter how busy you are, to do them. You will feel much more
centred, much calmer and somehow more complete. But make
sure you explain this concept to your partner so they understand
what you are doing and why.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
202
#91 Male bonding—make sure it’s supporting you,
not holding you back
One thing about men: we like to bond with other men. It’s our
tribal biology. A group of fellas sitting around the coffee
machine (formerly the campfire) will discuss all kinds of
things, most largely irrelevant, but socially safe. Instead of
talking about being chased by that sabre-toothed tiger (‘Boy,
was he a big one!’), today we talk about football, cars, fishing.
Business is often a hot topic, and it is always good to be able
to air your views and concerns regarding your business with
the boys. But this is also a tricky scenario.
Not everyone looks at business in the same way. Some men
are bitter and twisted about it, perhaps having had a bad
experience in the past. Some may work for a boss and feel that
what you are doing is so risky that it is crazy. Some may be
secretly jealous of you for having a go. And, of course, there
will be some who will support you unconditionally because
they are loyal and true friends who are proud of what you
have achieved.
Whatever the case, it is important for men to be strong
enough to know when the other men in their lives are a good
influence and when they are not. If you are struggling to find
balance between business and home, you want an understanding
ear but not a manipulative one. Going out and getting
drunk is not going to help matters. Neither will sitting around
and bitching about how tough life is.
The point I am trying to make is that while we need our
male friends around us, we also need to be able to tell when
they are being supportive and when they are being destructive.
I am very aware of the negative influence that some men can
have. They are so bitter and twisted that they have absolutely
nothing positive to say about anything. I don’t have room for
people like this in my life anymore, and I won’t waste my time
with them. Sounds harsh, but it is necessary. If you want to
BALANCING TIPS SPECIFICALLY FOR MEN
203
succeed in business and have a balanced life, surround yourself
with successful, balanced people whom you respect and
admire.
What can I do today?
Look around you. Are there any male friends in your life who
are bringing you down? It’s your choice, but do you really want
them affecting you? Maybe reading them the riot act will make
them take stock of their own lives and stop being so miserable.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
204
#92 Never lose sight of what your partner brings to
the relationship
I often encounter bitter and twisted men who have gone
through a divorce and ended up having to buy their spouse out
of their business. Many of these men seem to begrudge paying
this money, somehow assuming that the contribution of their
spouse was insignificant.
Likewise, in relationships with families it is often easy to
think that the partner looking after the kids has somehow got
an easier role to play or that they don’t really contribute to the
overall success of the business.
I think that it is very important to stop and take stock of
the role your partner plays in keeping your business (and often
you) going. It should be all about appreciation rather than
resentment; positive rather than negative. The more positive
the relationships in your life the better your life will be as
a whole.
What can I do today?
Take a moment to think of what your day-to-day life would be
like without support, encouragement and nurturing from your
partner. Think about all of the little things they do for you. If
you don’t feel supported, nurtured and encouraged by your
spouse, perhaps now is an excellent time to sit down and talk
about how you feel. It will clear the air, and make you and
probably them feel much better. Either way, the end result will
be good for you and your balanced business life.
BALANCING TIPS SPECIFICALLY FOR MEN
205
#93 Admitting we are out of control means we are
weak—wrong
Although this will come as no surprise to female readers, we
men are not good at saying we need help. For some strange
reason we associate needing help with being weak, and in many
ways this is our greatest collective failing.
The very real feeling of being overwhelmed, of being
severely stressed, out of control, and so on can be dramatically
reduced simply by talking about it and getting someone to
help. I state quite emphatically that any business issue that
you may face has certainly been faced by someone else and, in
all likelihood, is a common situation that will be easy to
resolve. But the first step is to put your hand up and say that
you need help.
Smart and very successful business owners have no problem
doing this. They are smart on two levels. First, they know
when they need help and aren’t afraid to ask for it; second, they
know where to find the help they need, normally by asking
other people.
A few years ago I ended up in some financial difficulty. I
had not managed my business finances that well, I had lost
control of the money coming in and going out, and had spent
some money before it had come in (and the contracts didn’t
eventuate). This was a very serious situation and I was facing
going broke—for most business owners the most serious of
situations. It is embarrassing, it is scary and you feel that you
can’t talk to anyone about it because news will get out and your
customers will be afraid to deal with you.
Luckily, a good friend sensed that something was wrong.
He sat me down, asked what was going on and I blurted it all
out. He was fantastic—very rational and unemotional. In his
own right he was a very successful and wealthy man, and he
helped me to stop being emotional about the situation and to
start being practical. My business was solid, there were plenty
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
206
of customers coming through the door, but I was in the midst
of a cashflow crunch, a very common problem for most small
businesses (and many large ones). My friend simply showed me
how to prioritise my payments, who to talk to about extending
terms, how to approach slow-paying customers to get them to
pay faster, and a host of other small and very achievable
changes to what I was doing. Within a month I was well and
truly back on track.
Now whenever I have a business issue that is stressing me
out and causing me grief I don’t hesitate to get help. I am
always completely open and honest, I explain my situation
fully, and once I get the advice I take it. This is so much better
than stewing on it for months as things get worse and the situation
goes from an irritation to a major problem.
So where do you get help? There are so many places it is
hard to know where to start here. I recommend business
mentors or people you know and respect, especially those
who have been in business for a while. There are also government
organisations everywhere that can point you in the right
direction, as well as accountants, business coaches and business
groups, to mention a few.
What can I do today?
Do you have any issues, business or otherwise, that you feel too
embarrassed to talk about because you feel that others will
think less of you? Find the right people to get help from and
ask them to guide you through these tough times—but do it
fast. The sooner you address a problem the better it will be for
you because, generally, the easier it will be to fix.
BALANCING TIPS SPECIFICALLY FOR MEN
207
#94 Treat your body as your most important business
asset
I think our bodies should be included on our business balance
sheet, that our health and wellbeing should be a legitimate
expense. For many years I believed that the more work you put
into your business the more successful it would be. I don’t
necessarily agree with that concept any more. Today I believe
that the more work you put into yourself the more successful
your business will be.
It is all about creating a healthy, successful, energetic person
who is an entrepreneur. The by-product of this will be a host
of successful small businesses (or large empires).
If we spent as much time and energy on our health and
wellbeing as we do on our retirement, we would arrive at 65 in
much better shape and with much more wealth.
Looking at your body as a business asset is an interesting
and powerful way to realise that without good health your
business will most likely fail anyway. So the healthier you are
the healthier your business will be.
Put your body at the top of your list of assets. Feed it well,
exercise it, treat it with respect and challenge it. Then enjoy
what it brings you.
What can I do today?
There are many suggestions in this book on ways of improving
your overall health and wellbeing. From my experience a large
proportion of small business owners treat themselves poorly.
Change this today and you will reap enormous rewards in the
future.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
208
Action page—What I need to do to regain balance in
my life
BALANCING TIPS SPECIFICALLY FOR MEN
209
Balancing tips
specifically for
women
The tips in this section were given to me by a number of women
who run their own businesses and still manage to have a life. I
consulted a diverse group of women with businesses in fields
ranging from chiropractic, aviation, fitness, tourism, legal and
travel to accounting, restaurants, motivational speaking and
publishing. They are a highly successful bunch, but like most small
business owners they have all struggled with balance. I’d like to
thank them for sharing their experience and suggestions (if anyone
has any other tips that they would like to share please email me at
ag@themarketingprofessionals.com.au).
And for the men sneaking a peek, some of these ideas may
work just as well for you.
#95 Accept you are human and there are limits to what you can
or should do
#96 Put yourself first every once in a while
#97 Don’t compare yourself to others
#98 Allocate time with the girls
#99 Remember to live in the moment
#100 Stop worrying
#101 Do things to stimulate you as a woman
210
12
#95 Accept you are human and there are limits to
what you can or should do
Women who balance a business and a family are truly amazing.
I can only look on in awe. I have a friend who has three kids
and her own business, and her husband has a business as well.
They work really hard and at times it is tough going. But they
just seem to get everything done, and they are good people
who are active in the community, great parents, supportive
friends and run successful businesses.
I meet a lot of women in similar situations, and what
surprises me is that they are often really hard on themselves.
They feel guilty for not spending enough time with the
children or for not being better wives. It breaks my heart a little
each time I hear this because I can see a human being who is
really participating fully in life and doing a magnificent job,
often contributing far more to the world than people with an
abundance of time and/or money.
Many women have such high expectations of themselves
they can only ever feel disappointed and guilty. They are trying
to be Superwoman—a tough role to fill when they are merely
human like the rest of us.
So my advice to all of the superwomen out there—every
once in a while it is OK to wear a cape with wrinkles in it. It is
OK if the house is a little (or a lot) messy or the kids have to
sort out dinner for themselves. Aiming to be perfect all the
time is an impossible expectation to live up to and a tough one
for those around you to watch.
Now, it’s very easy to tell someone to stop being hard on
themselves, but it’s often not that easy to actually stop doing it.
I am not suggesting that you throw away this sense of duty and
responsibility, just that you stop it from ruling your life, if in
fact it does. One very effective way to change long-term habits
is to start implementing small changes, one at a time. This may
be as simple as learning to say no to things that you don’t want
BALANCING TIPS SPECIFICALLY FOR WOMEN
211
to do, asking your family for help to get things done, or giving
more responsibility to the people who work for you and letting
them do it. In fact many of the tips in this book revolve around
this concept of letting go, delegating, saying no, removing
mounting responsibilities, and so on.
Sometimes it is a simply a matter of surrendering. Really,
what is the problem if you don’t get everything done on your
list? How bad is it? Every once in a while we should just say
‘that’s it’—switch off the phone, tell everyone you are out of
touch for the day and just be human. It isn’t easy, but in the
end the result is a much more relaxed, calm and happy person,
and that is definitely the type of person who can run a profitable,
successful business.
As an added bonus, I have found that the more you let the
people around you take control the more they will—so let
them. If they can share some of the responsibilities you struggle
with, why not? Keep an eye on them, support them, ensure
they are not getting overwhelmed themselves, but let them go
for it.
What can I do today?
Superwomen—have a day off and just be you, warts and all.
Your business will be better off as a result. In fact, you might
be surprised by how smoothly things continue to run without
you.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
212
#96 Put yourself first every once in a while
Not only should you have a break from being Superwoman
every once in a while, but how about going one step further
and putting yourself first occasionally as well?
Women, especially mothers, often fall into a habit of always
putting others before themselves. This approach then carries
over into the way they run their businesses. Everyone else gets
looked after except the woman in charge. While it is very
noble, it is also very stressful, particularly as the business grows
and all of a sudden you are ‘mother’ to more and more people.
The first step of this process is understanding and believing
in the importance of putting yourself first. Sure, there are times
when this is impractical, and no one likes a completely selfcentred
person. I am not suggesting that is what you should
become. But what I see is too many women in business who
always put themselves last—in everything they do. Some
people may think of putting yourself first as being selfish,
but it is really to do with self-respect. If you are OK, everyone
around you will be more OK than if you are not. There are
times when we all get pushed into doing things that we don’t
want to do. We are ‘guilted’ into them, made to feel responsible
for an outcome, or as though it would be irresponsible not
to do what is expected of us.
Well, sometimes you have to take a stand and say that
enough is enough. One simple example of this is to pay
yourself first every week. Most business owners pay themselves
last; it’s a habit we get into. Change this habit, if nothing else,
and reward yourself for all that you do by paying yourself
first. What is left over can then be put into the pot of bills that
need to be paid, and if you are a little short that week, someone
else will just have to wait. Running a business can be a thankless
task, and you are in the courageous minority for doing it
in the first place. Reward yourself for being brave enough to
have a go.
BALANCING TIPS SPECIFICALLY FOR WOMEN
213
What can I do today?
Next time you find yourself ignoring your own needs and
putting someone else first, stop, take a moment and think
about this self-sacrifice. Are you doing it because you really
want to and it’s the right thing to do in this situation, or are
you doing it because you always do it? Buy some time before
committing to your next responsibility—tell the person you
need to check a few things and you will get back to them. Slow
the process down and give yourself enough time to evaluate
your decision-making process and course of action.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
214
#97 Don’t compare yourself to others
Sometimes it feels as though everyone else is making more
money, getting more accolades, bringing up their children
better, that they are skinnier, better dressed, more interesting,
with better looking husbands and more exciting lives. It’s easy
to start making comparisons—‘She’s the same age as I am, in
business for herself like me, but her life seems to be running
much more smoothly than mine and she is clearly making much
more money than me.’
Now, I cannot overemphasise how dangerous it is to
compare where you are in life with those around you. For
starters, everyone else’s business will look better than yours at
some stage. I often find myself daydreaming about running
every kind of business imaginable, and on some days (clearly
when I am temporarily insane) I think how much easier
it would be to run a different kind of business, say a retail
shop or, even better, a restaurant. Now, I know for a fact that
both of these are really, really tough businesses to run and to
be successful in, yet at times I can’t help but feel they must
be easier than mine. Take it from me, having dealt with
thousands upon thousands of business owners through my
books, seminars, consulting, training and coaching I now
know that there is no such thing as the perfect business. Every
business has its challenges.
With regard to success, looks can be deceiving. Just because
someone drives a BMW doesn’t necessarily mean they are really
successful; frequently it means they just have a lot of debt. But
let’s say you meet a business owner who is really successful
financially. Rather than comparing yourself with them and
feeling that you fall short of their achievements, why not learn
from them and their successes. Good on them, they have
worked hard and probably faced many of the same challenges
you have had to deal with.
BALANCING TIPS SPECIFICALLY FOR WOMEN
215
It is easy to compare yourself to others and feel that you
come up short. In fact it is really easy because there are so many
amazing people in the world. But my guess is you are amazing,
too, in your own way. Take stock of what you have achieved,
what you have acquired and what your successes are, and
appreciate them. Use heroes and idols to drive you forward but
not to make you envious of their successes.
From time to time we all get caught in a deep, dark hole of
self-doubt. Comparing where you are in life to other people is
natural, but learn to accept it as a passing phase, not a permanent
reflection of your life. At times like this try not to think
about what you don’t have; instead think about what you do
have. A very good friend of mine, Andrew Matthews, writes
truly amazing books about what sounds like a very simple
topic—being happy. He has sold millions of copies around the
world. I strongly recommend investing in any of his excellent
books.
What can I do today?
Go out and buy a copy of Andrew Matthews’s very entertaining
and powerful book Being Happy. It explains in very simple
terms, with the use of delightful cartoons, why comparing
where you are in life with other people is a waste of your time
and energy.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
216
#98 Allocate time with the girls
There is nothing like spending some time with your closest
friends, away from the demands of the business, the family and
everything in between. Sometimes nothing helps to get rid of
stress and clutter better than a night out with the girls.
Like many of the things that keep your life in balance, time
spent on yourself is one of the first things to go as everyday
responsibilities build up.
Spending time with friends is incredibly restorative, especially
if they are not involved in your business. You can
complain, moan, get things off your chest and not be judged.
Sometimes you just need to purge. At other times you might
be the one offering support to your friends; this is equally
powerful because it gets you out of your own head for a while.
And celebrating our successes is much more enjoyable when we
do it with those people who really appreciate and understand
what we had to do to achieve these results.
If your business has taken over your life and you have lost
touch with your girlfriends, now is the time to start rebuilding
those bridges. Spend some time doing what you enjoy, even if
it is only a short catch-up over a coffee. You will feel much
better in many ways.
What can I do today?
Send out an email or call up your closest friends and arrange a
get-together. If they aren’t close by, arrange a teleconference
or a webcam. Everyone can ring in and you can chat away
for hours. This can be lots of fun and is a convenient and
inexpensive way to keep in touch.
BALANCING TIPS SPECIFICALLY FOR WOMEN
217
#99 Remember to live in the moment
Trying to fit everything into our busy lives, we spend a lot of
time and energy planning, thinking about the future, booking
appointments, managing relationships, doing our work, and
meeting every other obligation and task that we need to do. The
more responsibilities you have the more structure and forward
planning you need to make it all work. It’s a simple fact of life.
It’s no wonder that many of us have forgotten how to stop
and enjoy the moment, right here, right now. Living your
entire life checking your watch, your diary and talking on
your mobile phone, you are always looking ahead and forgetting
what is happening right in front of you.
Stop every now and then to smell the roses and to celebrate
victories, large and small. Why not send a thankyou note, or just
pause to appreciate what you have achieved and what you have.
Many of the offices in my building have amazing views over
the ocean. When I have meetings with people who are lucky
enough to have these views I often comment on how spectacular
they are, and it is interesting how frequently these people
look out the window like it is the first time they have noticed
the beautiful scenery. Often they make the comment that they
rarely even look out the window anymore. How sad is that? We
all face the same challenge on a day-to-day basis, in business
and in life.
Women with families and businesses are the busiest people
on the planet; all the more reason to stop every now and then
and look at the view. You earned it, and you deserve to enjoy it.
What can I do today?
Spend a few minutes thinking about all of the wonderful
things in your life, what you have achieved so far and what you
are grateful for. Try to do this whenever you are feeling a little
lost or overwhelmed.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
218
#100 Stop worrying
It’s an interesting thing, worrying. Most of the things we worry
about never occur. In fact, some statistics say that as much as
90 per cent of what we worry about will never happen. So why
do we spend so much time and energy on things we can’t
change?
I do know that some people worry a lot more than others.
I also think that generally women worry more than men.
While I can’t really explain why we worry, I can give ways to
ease the pain associated with worry.
I was a worrier for many years, but in the end I got
exhausted from so much worrying and now I don’t do it
so much. Here are ten of my favourite tips for overcoming
worry:
1. Decide what is the very worst that can happen and think
about what this would mean for you. Is it really that bad?
Are there any good things that might come out of it?
2. Don’t hide from problems. Confront them head on, no
matter how uncomfortable this may be. The sooner you
acknowledge the problem the sooner it will be resolved.
3. Talk to people you trust. When we are really worried about
something we often feel very alone. Sharing it really does
help, and all of a sudden the clouds don’t look quite so
dark and foreboding.
4. Get professional help. There is someone out there who can
help to resolve just about any issue you may have. It’s just
a matter of tracking them down. Don’t wait too long to
get help.
5. If the issue is too much to deal with as a whole, see if
you can break it down into smaller parts that you can
cope with.
6. Be open and honest with yourself and others—the more
honest you are the less there is to worry about.
BALANCING TIPS SPECIFICALLY FOR WOMEN
219
7. Let go of ego. It is ego that makes you worry about what
you might lose and what other people will think of you,
and it feeds the worry bug.
8. When you find yourself worrying about a situation, try to
distance yourself from it. Imagine if a friend came to you
with the same issue: what advice would you give them?
Why is it different for you?
9. There are times to worry and times not to worry. Save
your energy for things that really matter—such as issues of
life and death. Give yourself a little reality check every
once in a while.
10. Sometimes we worry incessantly about an issue for weeks,
months and even years. It’s often better to just make a
decision. Right or wrong, who cares? You can always
make another decision down the track. Decide so that
you can move forward rather than remaining in a stalemate
situation.
I hope these tips will help you to overcome worry in the
future. Remember, if you’ve got a problem—front it.
What can I do today?
Stop worrying and start living. If you are worrying about
something right now, read through my list of ways to overcome
worry and solve the problem today.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
220
#101 Do things to stimulate you as a woman
Just as men need to do the things that stimulate them (stand
around a BBQ and talk about sport, watch sport, play sport,
read about sport and then talk about sport some more), it is
just as important for women to do things that stimulate the
feminine energy in their life.
In doing my own survey on this I heard a great variety of
suggestions. Some women love to climb mountains, some
shop, some are big on renovations. For some it is being creative
and painting, while others love camping or seeing a movie, and
some love cooking and baking. Whatever it is that rocks your
boat, it doesn’t matter. The important message is really to
embrace being a woman and do the things that stimulate you.
Business can be quite a male-dominated world. It can be
challenging, it can be sexist and it can be aggressive. Many
women (and men) find this difficult. There is a real need to
balance this strong male energy with a more tempered and
nurturing female energy. The best way to do this is to find the
time to do the things that feed your female energy. Look at it
as a rebalancing exercise.
Decide what you most enjoy doing with your spare time
and make sure you do it as often as you can, either alone or
with friends. You will be much better equipped to deal with
the stress and negative energy you may encounter in your
business life.
What can I do today?
Be clear on what nurtures you as a woman and aim to do it
more often. This is your time: make sure you indulge yourself,
and don’t waste any time feeling guilty.
BALANCING TIPS SPECIFICALLY FOR WOMEN
221
Action page—What I need to do to regain balance in
my life
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
222
20 bonus tips that will
help right now
The following quick tips are designed to be used right now if
you are in the middle of an attack of feeling overwhelmed.
They only take a few seconds to read and a few seconds to
action. There are bound to be one or two that will resonate
with you right away.
Bonus tip #1 Close your door
We all need to regain some composure from time to time. A
few simple minutes away from the madding crowds and the
stress and pressure associated with work can do it for most of
us. Train your staff to understand that if your door is shut they
don’t interrupt you unless it is an emergency. This will give
you a sense of safety and protection in your workplace, and
a few precious moments to just stop and think about what
is happening.
Bonus tip #2 Shut your eyes and take a few
deep breaths
When faced with the feeling that the walls are closing in, which
can be caused by too much information for the brain to
223
process, closing your eyes and taking ten deep breaths can
help to restore calm in a very short period of time. The less
external stimulation you have the better. Find a quiet place, get
comfortable, close your eyes and make those breaths long, slow
and deep. ‘Take ten’ as often as you need to.
Bonus tip #3 Ring a friend who always calms you
down
We all have someone whose very voice seems to calm us down.
They accept us the way we are, they don’t judge us or what we
do. They simply understand us. Use this person in times of
need. Call them, tell them how you are feeling and simply
communicate. It is very therapeutic to just talk through a
feeling of being overwhelmed—and often just getting it off
your chest seems to make it go away.
Bonus tip #4 Establish priorities—what has to be
done now?
Another problem with feeling out of control is that we tend
to ‘freeze’—we stop everything because we don’t know what
to do next. The tasks seem to have piled up and more just
keep getting added. One of the best things you can do here is
to make a list of everything you need to do. This is a great
starting point because the information stops floating chaotically
around inside your head and instead is set out in black
and white in front of you. Once you have the list, allocate
priorities—urgent, not so urgent, kind of urgent, a bit
urgent, bugger it (or something like that). All of a sudden,
the overwhelming feeling of all of these tasks needing to be
done becomes a little less daunting, as quite often you realise
that things aren’t as bad as you thought they were.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
224
Bonus tip #5 Have two big glasses of cold water
In times of stress we tend to reach for things that stress us
out even more—coffee, tea, sugar, cigarettes, alcohol. While
there is a short-term calming or comforting effect associated
with these chemicals, longer term they make things worse. Most
of us can relate to the craving for caffeine, closely followed by the
jitters after having had too much coffee. Try to retrain yourself
to have not one but two big glasses of cold water whenever you
are feeling stressed out or overwhelmed. The craving for a stimulant
normally goes, and in the longer term (the next few hours)
you will feel much calmer and better able to cope.
Bonus tip #6 Ask for help from those around you
Let everyone close to you know exactly how you are feeling.
Get the troops to rally around the flag and let them know
how they can help you to get through this overwhelming
situation. Sharing the stress, the demands, the tension will
help it to dissipate and let you get on with regaining composure
and calm.
Bonus tip #7 See a movie
As hard as it is to get ourselves out of the situation that is overwhelming
us, that is exactly what we need to do. Why don’t
you go to a movie—it gives your brain time to relax and
process, and you get to sit in a cool, dark room, hopefully while
being entertained and enthralled. There are no other demands
on you—all you have to do is sit.
Bonus tip #8 Remember to be grateful for being busy
Often we look at these periods of craziness in the wrong
light. Really, in light of the number of businesses that go
20 BONUS TIPS THAT WILL HELP RIGHT NOW
225
broke every day in every city in the world, we should be
grateful to be full-on and under pressure to deliver. Of
course, there are times when the money is tight and that
is why we are under the hammer and feeling overwhelmed,
but, from experience, things can always be worse. Taking a
moment to be grateful for what we do have rather than what
we don’t have is a powerful way to battle being stressed out
and overwhelmed.
Bonus tip #9 Start saying no right now
One of the greatest causes of becoming overwhelmed is the
inability to say no. Perhaps there are certain tasks or demands
on you that you could say no to right now and make your life
easier. The habit of saying yes all the time out of fear of losing
customers is a good habit to break. If meeting the deadline
set by a customer will really stress you out and cause you
to become overwhelmed, say no. OK—you might lose a
customer here or there, but do you really want them if they
won’t work with you?
Bonus tip #10 Wipe your diary clean until you get on
top of things
One practice used by many business owners in times of stress is
to cancel all appointments and meetings until they have got
things back under control. While this may sound a little drastic,
it is a very effective way to get some space to think and to
manage your way through a stressful time. It lets you deal with
the issues in front of you without others being added to the pile.
Bonus tip #11 What is the very worst that can happen?
There is a wonderful book written by Dale Carnegie called
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Like his very famous
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
226
How to Win Friends and Influence People, it was written over 60
years ago, but the very practical advice it contains about
managing worry is just as relevant today as it was then. One of
Carnegie’s key points was to imagine the very worst that can
happen in any situation, then think it through and accept it.
Most of what we worry about will never, ever happen, but if we
imagine the worst, then accept that if it happens we will
survive and move on, the threat and power of the situation is
easier to deal with.
Bonus tip #12 Get out of your environment
Going to the movies was suggested in bonus tip #7, to give
you time to process the stress and to calm down. If that isn’t
practical, just getting out of your work environment will
help. It might just take a walk around the block. Get out, calm
down, get your head together and come back when you are
feeling better equipped to deal with what is happening. When
the going gets tough—get out of there!
Bonus tip #13 Restrict communication to the
essentials if you can
Often the biggest issue in those out-of-control times is that
you don’t get a chance to take a breath. It might be a neverending
stream of telephone calls, customers or staff coming
through the door. If possible, let everyone know that you
need some time to manage a very important matter and to
please hold all calls or interruptions unless they’re urgent.
Spell it out—try to restrict the information coming through
so you get a chance to collect your thoughts and regroup.
Turn your mobile phone off, avoid checking your email, shut
your door—do whatever it takes to give yourself breathing
space.
20 BONUS TIPS THAT WILL HELP RIGHT NOW
227
Bonus tip #14 Take a long, hot shower
Not the easiest thing to do in most workplaces, but a long, hot
shower is very calming and relaxing if you can make it happen.
There are a number of places away from home where you can
have a shower—health clubs, transit centres, hotels, sports
centres, etc. Taking the time to indulge in a luxurious shower
is an excellent investment in your own wellbeing in times of
stress and it will definitely help to calm you down. You just
need to be a little organised to do it.
Bonus tip #15 Have a big stretch (it really does help)
Stretching is very therapeutic. Stress makes us tense up, hunch
our back and shoulders, and generally get ‘smaller’. Doing
some simple stretching, especially of the bigger muscles in your
chest, back and legs, will make you feel much better. Do the
stretch and hold it to get the best effect. You don’t need to be
able to turn yourself into a pretzel to benefit from stretching—
all you need is some room to move, a wall to lean against or a
patch of floor to lie down on (and, if you are lucky, grab a few
minutes’ sleep while you are there).
Bonus tip #16 Eat a good meal (but not a heavy meal)
Another problem associated with the out-of-control phase is
that we don’t tend to stop and eat a proper meal. Instead we eat
on the run, generally choosing food that is fast and filling
rather than nutritious. Taking the time to order a good meal,
but not one that is overly heavy, and then sitting down to enjoy
it in a peaceful, relaxing environment is an excellent way to
calm down. In many parts of the world this is a ritual—and for
good reason. Ideally, follow this meal with an afternoon siesta
and you will feel fantastic. Well OK—the afternoon sleep
might be a little much to ask, but at least try the meal.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
228
Bonus tip #17 Get yourself a massage
For people who are really busy, stressed out and starting to
feel totally out of control, sitting still is hard enough, let alone
lying down and getting a massage. But it is incredible how
wonderful and recharged a good massage can make you feel.
All it takes is one hour (anything less is not enough). For those
of us who lead constantly stressful lives, building in time for a
massage every single week should be a priority, and one that
will certainly pay off in every way.
Bonus tip #18 Write down exactly how you are
feeling
Often it is hard to pinpoint exactly what it is that has made
you feel overwhelmed. Is it a sense of never getting on top
of things? Do you feel scared that you will go broke if you
don’t get everything done? Are you worried about keeping
good staff? Do you really think that you are not capable of
running your own business? This is deep stuff, but if you can
hit the nail on the head as to why you are feeling overwhelmed
it tends to defuse the situation and you will feel
much better.
Bonus tip #19 Break down what you need to do into
small steps and bite-size chunks
We tend to freeze when we feel overwhelmed. You might have
made a list of everything that you need to do and prioritised
these tasks (as per bonus tip #4), but sometimes you need that
extra bit of help to get started. Every task, project and action
can generally be broken down into smaller, more manageable
parts—just a small step in the right direction will help the
rising panic and overwhelming feelings pass.
20 BONUS TIPS THAT WILL HELP RIGHT NOW
229
Bonus tip #20 Try to see the funny side
If you have picked up only one good tip from this book, I
certainly hope it is about having fun in your business. For some
wonderful reason, a good belly laugh can do more to relieve
stress and overcome feelings of being overwhelmed than hours
of meditation or sleep. There are very few situations that are
really that bad—after all, it is only business.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
230
Where to from here?
The battle for balance is here to stay, at least for a while. It is
unlikely that any of us can be cured overnight, but the ideas,
recommendations and philosophies covered in this book, if
applied, will most certainly help.
They are based on tried and tested techniques from people
who have faced and continue to face this ongoing challenge
every day. Owning and operating your own business should be
a wonderful experience. It should be rewarding, challenging,
exciting and lucrative. For it to be all of these things we need
to work out what level of balance we are after and what we have
to do to achieve it.
I truly hope that this book has helped you. I also recommend
that you keep it handy and dip into it often, as different
sections will have different meanings and interpretations in the
various stages of your life.
231
Appendix: Blank forms to
help you regain balance
These forms are designed to help you achieve your balance. Feel
free to copy them, distribute them, cut them out and generally use
them anywhere you can.
• Your business–life balance questionnaire
• Remember the things you really enjoy doing
• Your accomplishments
• Identify what stresses you out the most
• Your ideal life
• The top ten changes you need to make
• What goes into your body?
232
Your business–life balance questionnaire
Simply put a tick for yes next to the questions that you feel apply to
you and how you are feeling now. Then tally up the ticks and see
the results (refer to pages 3–4 for an explanation of scores). Each
time you fill in this form, compare the number of ticks with your
previous results so that you can track your progress.
APPENDIX
233
How balanced is your life?
Do you feel that you never have enough time to get
everything done?
Do you feel that your decision-making is always done
under pressure?
Are there times during your day when you feel totally
overwhelmed or out of control?
Do you think that stress is affecting your health?
Do you always feel low in energy?
Do you use drugs or alcohol to help you wind down?
Do you use caffeine and sugar to help you wind up?
Do you tend to eat foods that will give you a ‘quick fix’
rather than foods that are healthy and nutritious?
Are you working longer and longer hours?
Do you struggle to find the time to exercise?
Have you stopped spending quality time with family
and friends since starting or buying your own business?
Have you stopped doing the things you love (hobbies,
sport, etc.)?
Do you tend to get sick more often or do you always
feel off-colour/below par?
Have you lost your sense of satisfaction with your
business?
Do you tend to keep your thoughts and emotions to
yourself?
Do you lose sleep worrying about business issues?
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
234
Copyright © Andrew Griffiths 2007. This template may be photocopied
for non-commercial use.
Do you struggle financially?
Has your personality changed (for the worse) since
you’ve been in business?
Have you stopped enjoying life as much as you did
before?
Are you feeling uninspired?
Do you consider your time at home as being predominantly
to recharge and prepare for the next day?
Do you tend to feel negative more often than positive?
Are you more grumpy and irritable now?
Do you bring work home with you?
Is every day starting to look the same?
Do you have a lot of negative people in your life?
Are you feeling depressed?
Do you have a large number of unfinished tasks?
Has your overall fitness level dropped in recent years?
Have people stopped telling you that you look well?
Do you sometimes feel like crying?
Total
Remember the things you really enjoy doing
The aim of this exercise is to make a list of the things you used to
do which you really enjoyed doing. Then write down the last time
you did them and, most importantly, when you will do them next.
This page should be copied and put in a prominent place!
APPENDIX
235
Copyright © Andrew Griffiths 2007. This template may be photocopied
for non-commercial use.
Activity Last time When will
you did it you do it
next?
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Your accomplishments
This page is all about what you have achieved in your life. Take a
few moments to fill as many spaces as you can with all your
achievements—no matter how big or small, they all count.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
236
Copyright © Andrew Griffiths 2007. This template may be photocopied
for non-commercial use.
Example: Learned to roller skate—age six
Identify what stresses you out the most
Take a few moments to really identify exactly what it is that causes
you to feel stressed out and overwhelmed. Be specific and try to
determine not so much the action but rather the underlying reason
why it affects you.
APPENDIX
237
This stresses me out a lot Why?
Example: People come into my I never get anything done
office because I am always being
interrupted.
Copyright © Andrew Griffiths 2007. This template may be photocopied
for non-commercial use.
Your ideal life
This is really more of a creative writing session. Take a few
moments to write down exactly how you would like your life to be.
Be specific, identify figures, names, activities, etc. The aim is to
create a picture of what the life you would like to lead really looks
like—by doing this, you will be starting on the journey to making it
a reality.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
238
Copyright © Andrew Griffiths 2007. This template may be photocopied
for non-commercial use.
My ideal life is . . .
The top ten changes you need to make
Choose the ten tips recommended in this book that you think will
make the greatest impact on you and help you to regain control of
your business and your life. Allot a realistic deadline to each one
and then turn them into reality. Remember, if you always do what
you always did, you will always get what you’ve always got.
APPENDIX
239
Top ten tips to help restore balance Due date
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Copyright © Andrew Griffiths 2007. This template may be photocopied
for non-commercial use.
What goes into your body?
In this chart, establish what you eat and drink when you are feeling
stressed out and, ideally, what you could replace any negatives
with. Clearly it is hard to make a dramatic change, especially when
most of the food and drink which is not that good for us is so
readily available. But persevere, try it for a week and see how it
makes you feel.
101 WAYS TO HAVE A BUSINESS AND A LIFE
240
Food/drink Where When Feeling Replace
type it with
1 Example: Home Morning To get Fresh juice
Coffee started
2
3
4
5
6
7
APPENDIX
241
Food/drink Where When Feeling Replace
type it with
8
9
10
11 Example: Office Between Brief Fruit and
Chocolate 3—4 pm energy nuts
bar daily burst
12
13
14
Copyright © Andrew Griffiths 2007. This template may be photocopied
for non-commercial use.
Recommended reading
and websites
Allardice, P., 2006, Slow Up, Allen & Unwin, Sydney.
Breitman, P. and Hatch, C., 2000, How to Say No Without
Feeling Guilty, Broadway Books, New York.
Canfield, J. and Switzer, J., 2005, The Success Principles: How
to get from where you are to where you want to be, Harper-
Collins, USA.
Carlson, R., 1997, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, Hyperion, New
York.
——1998, You Can Be Happy No Matter What, New World
Library, California.
Carnegie, D., 1981, How to Win Friends and Influence People,
HarperCollins, New York.
——1985, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, Pocket Books
(a division of Simon & Schuster), New York.
Chin-Ning, C., 1998, Do Less, Achieve More, Regan Books,
New York.
Covey, S., 2004, The 8th Habit—from effectiveness to greatness,
Free Press (a division of Simon & Schuster), New York.
Cowley, J., 2003, I Need Balance in My Life, Richmond
Ventures, Sydney.
Gerrish, R. and Leader, S., 2005, Flying Solo, Allen & Unwin,
Sydney.
Grieve, T., 2004, The book for people who do too much, Random
House, Sydney.
242
Herald, J., 2006, What are you waiting for? If nothing changes
nothing changes, Allen & Unwin, Sydney.
Lundin, S., Paul, H. and Christensen, J., 2002, Fish! Tales:
Real-Life Stories to Help You Transform Your Workplace and
Your Life, Hyperion Publishing, New York.
Matthews, A., 1998, Being Happy, Media Masters, Singapore.
——2005, Happiness Now, Seashell Publishers, Australia.
Morgenstern, J., 2000, Time management from the inside out,
Henry Holt and Company, New York.
Tolle, E., 2004, The Power of Now, Hodder, Sydney.
Wilson, P., 2005, Perfect Balance: Create time and space for all
parts of your life, Penguin Books, Melbourne.
Websites
The following websites will provide you with ideas and suggestions
to improve your business as well as meet the challenge of
balancing your business and your life.
www.flyingsolo.com.au
www.andrewgriffiths.com.au
www.lifebydesign.com.au
www.business.gov.au
www.smallbusiness.com
www.entrepreneur.com
www.smallbusiness.co.uk
www.ivillage.co.uk
RECOMMENDED READING AND WEBSITES
243
About the author
Andrew Griffiths is an entrepreneur with a passion for small
business. From humble beginnings as an orphan growing up in
Western Australia, Andrew has owned and operated a number
of successful small businesses, with his first enterprise—at
age seven—being a paper round. Since then, he has sold
encyclopaedias door to door, travelled the world as an international
sales manager, worked in the Great Sandy Desert for
a gold exploration company and been a commercial diver.
Clearly this unusual combination of experiences has made him
the remarkable man he is.
Inspired by his constant desire to see others reach their
goals, Andrew has written five hugely successful books, with
many more on the way. His 101 Ways series offers small
business owners practical, passionate and achievable advice.
The series is sold in over 40 countries worldwide.
Andrew is the founding director of The Marketing Professionals,
one of Australia’s best and most respected strategic
marketing and corporate imaging firms.
Known for his ability to entertain, inspire and deliver key
messages, Andrew is also a powerful keynote presenter, who
brings flamboyant energy and verve to the corporate world.
All of this occurs from his chosen home of Cairns, North
Queensland, the Great Barrier Reef, Australia.
244
To find out more about Andrew Griffiths please visit the
following websites:
www.andrewgriffiths.com.au
www.themarketingprofessionals.com
www.enhanceplus.com.au
www.allenandunwin.com
245
ABOUT THE AUTHOR

101 WAYS TO MARKET YOUR BUSINESS
Stand out from the crowd.
Here are 101 practical marketing suggestions to help you
achieve dramatic improvements in your business without
investing a lot of time and money.
Simple, affordable and quick, these innovative tips are easy to
implement and will bring you fast results. Choose and apply at
least one new idea each week or use this book as a source of
inspiration for new ways to market your services, your products
and your business itself.
With tips that take just a few moments to read, 101 Ways to
Market Your Business will help you find new customers,
increase the loyalty of the customers you already have, create
great promotional material and make your business stand out
from the crowd.
INCLUDES 20 BONUS SUGGESTIONS TO HELP
YOU ATTRACT NEW CUSTOMERS AND KEEP YOUR
EXISTING ONES
THE 101 WAYS SERIES
101 WAYS TO ADVERTISE YOUR BUSINESS
Read this before you spend another cent on advertising.
Here are 101 proven tips to increase the effectiveness of your
advertising. Use these tips to understand what makes one ad
work while another fails and you will save a small fortune
in wasted advertising.
With tips that take just a few moments to read, 101 Ways to
Advertise Your Business offers step-by-step advice on how to
make an advertisement, how to buy advertising space and
how to ensure that your advertisement is working to its
full potential. Follow the tips and your business will soon
be reaping the benefits.
INCLUDES A SPECIAL BONUS SECTION CONTAINING
HUNDREDS OF THE BEST ADVERTISING
WORDS AND PHRASES
THE 101 WAYS SERIES
101 WAYS TO REALLY SATISFY YOUR CUSTOMERS
Simple ways to keep your customers coming back.
Here are 101 practical tips for delivering service that exceeds
your customers’ expectations and keeps them coming back. In
a world where consumers are far more informed, discerning
and demanding than ever before, customer service is one of the
main areas where a business can outshine its competitors.
Use these simple tips to improve your customer service and you
will be well on the way to success and profitability. With tips
that take just a few moments to read, 101 Ways to Really Satisfy
Your Customers teaches you to identify what customers expect,
and details simple suggestions that will enable your business to
exceed these expectations and reap the rewards.
INCLUDES 20 BONUS TIPS THAT WILL REALLY
IMPRESS YOUR CUSTOMERS
THE 101 WAYS SERIES
101 WAYS TO BOOST YOUR BUSINESS
Energise your business today!
Here are 101 powerful tips to kick-start your business and
unlock some of the potential that may be struggling to break
through.
With tips that take just a few moments to read, 101 Ways to
Boost Your Business shows you how to make your business
better and ultimately more profitable. These no-nonsense tips
can be actioned immediately, so you will see results quickly.
These tips cover a host of everyday business issues, and are
equally applicable to all industries in each and every corner of
the world. They will save you thousands of dollars.
INCLUDES 20 BONUS TIPS THAT WILL RECHARGE
YOUR BUSINESS
THE 101 WAYS SERIES